||[Sep. 17th, 2003|07:32 am]
Had a long talk with juggernt last night, for the first time in a long time. Called to wish him a happy birthday, and see how hurricane prep was going. He asked how I was doing, and having just dragged myself out of class, met with my faculty adviser to discuss the daunting writing project ahead of me for Law Review, and the weirdness that is the office, my answer was pretty dismal.
But here's the interesting thing, and the part that made me realize that different people in our lives answer different needs. theferrett is terrific at giving pep talks, and there have been a lot of times when I am not certain I would have made it through without his faith, his ear, his shoulder to cry on, and his enthusiastic acceptance of his role as cheerleader.
Sheldon did something different. He simply agreed - "uh-huh" - with each of my assessments of sucktacularity in my life. I catalogued the litany to the chorus of his slightly sympathetic but mostly neutral affirmations until I was all the way to the bottom of the list. Then, after a moment of silence, I looked up from the bottom of that barrel and realized, hey, this is my barrel. I'm there because I made choices. And I have a reason for those choices, and I continue to make choices every day because there are goals.
It's not a new realization, but when a person is going through so much, it's one to come back to again and again. He reminded me to keep looking toward the horizon. I agreed with that analogy because "light at the end of the tunnel" is all trains right now. Lots and lots of trains.
It makes me grateful for and aware of the diversity in my support group. Ferrett keeps me going in so many ways - he takes care of me in the vital, day-to-day necessities - cooking, cleaning, chores - and is always there with the right words when things are bleakest. Jeff provides me with insight into the legal profession, faith that I can do it from a veteran, advise and cheer, perspective when I get down. Kat is hugs and warmth and a reprieve from it all, Crista makes me laugh. Sheldon calmly agrees with me that it's a crappy place to be right now, and has faith that the affirmation will kick in my own optimism and I'll climb back up. Eric, Joan, Brent, George, Patty, my kids, my family, they all remind me that there is more to life than the narrow little world that I must occupy for now.
I love you guys. And everyone else that I didn't mention here. I don't express my gratitude all the time, but it's always there.