|In the market for a new ignition
||[Oct. 13th, 2002|08:51 am]
I feel like I need a jumpstart, like I've given everything I had to the job that didn't work out and now I'm just not able to get myself motivated to make another effort. I know it's only been a couple days, but it's left me feeling very unsynchronious and generally out of sorts.
On the plus side, it gave me a chance to bring Erin home for a long weekend and work with her on her magick, something she has ben wanting. Good mother-daughter bonding.
Wow, I just did it again--finding the silver lining, no matter how dark the clouds may seem. This used to actualy drive my ex crazy, that in the most gloomy parts of our lives I would look for something to be cheerful about. When he was in the depths of sorrow and depression, he didn't want anything "trivial" lightening it. Wallowing was the only solution. I am about as down as I have been in years--I have occasional sad days but I generally bounce back quickly. This time I've been having vague thoughts about death--nothing alaming, nothing proactive, just catching myself thinking dark thoughts and pushing them away. Yet, even when I am totally down like this, I'm looking for those positive things.
Okay. I'm gonna get through. It's interesting that putting words on the screen, thinking with the keyboard, so to speak, can clarify these things.
Now I just need to get myself motivated....