I wish I had something profound to say. Remember that you're loved.
No one can hurt you like your mother can. I'm so sorry. <3
Oh hon... I'm so sorry.... I was just thinking of you as I was posting, wondering how you were doing this evening, then saw this.
I'm 35 and my mother is still completely capable of making me feel that way when she's in a mood. Especially when I'm tired, and girlfriend - you're EXHAUSTED!
I can't say I know exactly how you feel. You have more on your plate right now than I can comprehend, so I won't pretend I know. But - I do care, and if you need to scream, I'm here and I'll listen! Please feel free to e-mail me - heck, I'd even share my phone number with you!
Sending you warm, calming, peaceful, loving, healing thoughts - please do try to get some sleep, your body and mind both need it so.
I wish I could pull you close and hug you tightly. No, we never do grow over that part of it. I am glad you at least broke that cycle and love your children enough to sacrifice all you do for them. *hugs*
2003-12-16 09:30 pm (UTC)
None of my siblings, nor either parent will come visit me. It sucks, I know. So my world begins and ends with cyriael
and our kids, and I just don't worry about what any of the rest of the family thinks. Might have to reconcile yourself to the fact that they just aren't going to ake the effort, call it 'unfortunate', then put it behind you and embrace what you have. I don't mean to sound callous, of course I know its not as easy as that sounds, but its what you may have to do if your ever going to let her stop getting to you.
ah sweetie, im sorry. i wish i had something to tell you to make it better. *hugs*
Well she sounds kind of depressed. It's not abandonment, you have to remember that. She's bored, lonely, probably depressed, and doesn't have the drive to make the trip. Of course it would be the best medicine, a real boost, to go see you guys.
A lot of times the parent thing gets a lot better when you're an adult, and out of the house, and with kids of your own. But sometimes it just brings a whole new set of problems to try to figure out.
I really understand. My mom has never come to visit me in 19 years of being out of her home. This includes when she lived two hours away and I almost died giving birth; she did not meet her new grandson until I was out of the hospital and drove to see HER. She also did not come to my wedding. My sister, on the other hand, she flew to another state to go see for both events. This Christmas, I was very excited; she was coming to see my sister for Christmas from Oregon and then drive over to see me as well, but of course the plans have fallen through.
Gini, just remember, you and the girls are loved by lots of people. This situation hurts and saying that doesn't help a lot, but it's very, very true. You and Michele stick together, and it will work out somehow. I still hold out hope that I won't always be chasing my mom hoping for affection. She just doesn't know how to show it to me, and I have to accept that. Argh...I hope I haven't completely offended you in my attempt to show sympathy.
No, you never do. Parents can always bring out the best and worst feelings in you. *hugs* Just remember that you have a great husband, fabulous kids, and a lot of friends who love you.
Call her and tell her how you feel about this... Really you need too. My mother had the same problem with her parents. They had a free ticket every year (cause my uncle worked at Delta) and they only came and visited us 3 times my whole life, and they made my mother save up money for two years (every two years) just to fly out and see them!
Finally after 20 years she told them how she felt about that and they were in shock about it... They never considered THEY should have been taking the free flights to see her and let her save money for her family instead of spending $1000's every two years just to fly and see them... I was so proud she got it off her chest instead of crying every summer when they didn't come see her.
Wow. Whereas it wouldn't bother me one bit. I never know what to say to my mother when she phones, and I am (and always have been) that infamous non-calling child. At least with Dad we can talk some kind of tech. I don't dislike my mother at all, just that we have never been at all close - at least not from my side.
I don't really ever call my sister either (and vice versa).
In fact, I never phone anybody other than to make neccesary arrangements.
Maybe we could swap mothers?
2003-12-17 02:16 pm (UTC)
MOO (Mother Of Origin)
I had this same problem with my mom and sister for years and years.
Then my MOO did something irretrievably unforgiveable that's pretty boring to everybody but me, so I stopped calling altogether, or accepting her calls, and everything she snail-mailed to me got bounced right back.
I guess I never even had *any* kind of relationship with my sister, so there wasn't anything to break off with there.
Cutting my MOO out of my life may have been one of the major reasons I'm still alive to type this.
2003-12-17 02:24 pm (UTC)
Re: MOO (Mother Of Origin)
Oops.. didn't want to imply that this is a solution that will work for
everybody who has problems with their parents.
I wouldn't *want* anybody to follow my example. Nobody's relationship with their family should be broken enough for that to even be a viable consideration.
It was the solution that worked for me. I can't summon up any emotions about it, either good or bad. For me, it was like clearing out a houseplant that'd been long dead, and was into the stage of turning into dust.
2003-12-18 04:03 am (UTC)
Re: MOO (Mother Of Origin)
I just can't understand why anyone would have any interest in the mundane trivia of my life, or imagine that I would have any interest in theirs. We all have our own lives and interests, don't we?
I also (reasonably) assume that everyone is just fine until informed otherwise - and have every confidence that if they are not fine, I shall be told. No-one ever needs to phone me to basically say "i'm fine".
Well - just wrote about it.
Now to bed!