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My dad was a walking anecdote. Seriously, Seinfeld would pay money… - The Fucking Bluebird of Goddamn Happiness [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Zoethe

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[Jul. 17th, 2004|04:47 am]
Zoethe
[Current Mood |ditzydizzy]

My dad was a walking anecdote.

Seriously, Seinfeld would pay money to have my dad for a dad, because of all the material he would have provided.

When I was about 10 he woke up on a Saturday morning feeling really miserable (I don't think he was hung over, but I can't swear to it). Mom istened to him whine for half an hour and then handed him two Alka-Seltzer tablets. "For god sake, just take there." She filled a glass with water and held it out to him.

He tore open the packet. "Man, I hate how this shit tastes."

He popped the tablets in his mouth, grabbed the glass, and before Mom could stop him, downed the water.

Every horror story you've ever heard about Pop Rocks and Coca Cola pretty much came true on the bathroom floor of our house. There is a lot of carbonation in two Alka-Seltzer tablets, and Dad swelled up like a nine-monther carrying twins. He fell to the floor, writhing in pain, while my mother alternated between yelling at him for doing something so stupid, admonishing him to burp, and laughing her ass off at how ridiculous he looked.

Something you should know about my family: calling for medical help was not so much verboten as never even considered. I almost died of spinal meningitis, my sister had a head injury that cracked her skull and led to an amnesiac concussion, my mother almost died of what was probably toxic shock syndrome, and all because the early signs of trouble were ignored and situations left to develop to the edge of dire before anything was done. So rushing for the phone and summoning an ambulance wasn't happening her.

The part of the Pop Rocks story that isn't true is that you generally don't burst from such things. Dad eventually burped up the carbonation and was able to struggle to his feet.

After an hour or so.

but he never lived it down.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: kathrynrose
2004-07-17 09:22 am (UTC)
Be of good cheer bloggers! You are loved by sleeping people everywhere. ::smooches::
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[User Picture]From: iyarwein
2004-07-17 10:07 am (UTC)
As long as you can send some of that sweet, sweet rest and relaxation our way, we'll be happy that you're sleeping. But if you hog all of that for your self, then leave us be! We want nothing to hear about it! :)
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[User Picture]From: kathrynrose
2004-07-17 10:09 am (UTC)
If it makes you feel any better, I haven't gotten back to sleep. So I'm still here, catching up on the insanity, one post at a time.

Tonight's gaming session is going to be a challenge, though. Maybe not quite as big a challenge as this event is for you guys.
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[User Picture]From: iyarwein
2004-07-17 11:19 am (UTC)
The best gaming session that I was ever involved in was five days long. We started on a Thursday night, adjourned briefly to run to McDonald's to pick up breakfast, resumed, paused again briefly twelve hours later to go to Arby's to pick up dinner, resumed, and paused again briefly twelve hours later to pick up breakfast again. After the 50th hour of gaming, we started randomly taking naps in which one person would go sleep for a bit, but the game would continue, then an hour later someone would wake them and trade places. The exhaustion led to mass hilarity, but also a hell of a lot of interesting roleplaying.
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[User Picture]From: kathrynrose
2004-07-17 11:23 am (UTC)
Hey, you're cheating yourself making this a comment. This is post worthy. Say it again, and I'll tell you about my favorite gaming marathon.
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[User Picture]From: iyarwein
2004-07-17 11:25 am (UTC)
You're right! I'll take this comment and turn it into a full post.
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[User Picture]From: elfwench
2004-07-17 09:45 am (UTC)
*chuckle* My parents were also of the breed that you don't go for medical help unless it was dire. My mother was the master of "just pull it together with tape and it will be all right."
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2004-07-17 09:50 am (UTC)
It's a wonder we survived....
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[User Picture]From: elfwench
2004-07-17 10:01 am (UTC)
I know it... Twice I was hospitalized in my childhood - only twice. Once was because I went into a coma (of course, the story comes out I was sick and lethargic and having for a few days before this, and some offhand mention of febrile seizures like it was a normal thing *chuckle*) at age 2½. The other was when I was 18 and diagnosed finally with Crohn's and my mother was like, "Oh, well, I guess that explains your stomach aches all these years. I thought you were just neurotic."

I can laugh about it now. I think it's generational and situational. My parents also would be in their 80's were they alive today, and they both lived through the WWII Holocaust in Amsterdam, Netherlands. So I don't fault them where I'm concerned. I do wish that my mom had gone to the doctor sooner about the lump she found in her breast, though. Her reason was, "It didn't hurt like the other one, so I knew it was cancer." HUH?!? Ah well, she had emphysema from smoking by that point anyhow, I guess it's that fatalistic streak she had.
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[User Picture]From: elfwench
2004-07-17 04:49 pm (UTC)
Eh, I'm a weed... Do what you will to me, and I keep popping back. :)
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[User Picture]From: kellirose1313
2004-07-17 09:54 am (UTC)
I have th emost interesting visual of a dad like figure writhing on the floor, foaming like a rabid dog while a mom laughs and yells at the same time.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2004-07-17 10:13 am (UTC)
Yeah, pretty much.
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[User Picture]From: cyan_blue
2004-07-17 05:01 pm (UTC)
Wow, I don't think I've ever seen a less flattering photo of gorgeous Harrison Ford...
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2004-07-17 05:34 pm (UTC)
I love it, though.
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[User Picture]From: mishamish
2004-07-17 05:52 pm (UTC)
I had a similar, though not NEARLY so bad, situation in high school. My parents would use a bit of baking soda as an antacid, and one night I couldn't sleep due to some MAJOR heartburn. So, I decided to give it a shot. Only I never noticed that they used a BIT of baking soda on the end of a teaspoon, and washed it down with CocaCola (acidic... lowers the pH difference). I took a tablespoon. Well, the heartburn went away and I went back to bed. For all of a minute. Suddenly, it felt like I had an alien trying to claw it's way out of my belly. I thought I was going to die. TEARS came to my eyes, and it was all I could do not to shout out over the pain. Finally, I *DID* open my mouth to shout, and the biggest belch in the WORLD came out of me. But the pressure eased, so I tried again. And again. For atleast half an hour, I was sitting there in my bed, belching away at the ceiling, eyes still tearing up from the pain, but also laughing at how ridiculous it all was. Needless to say, I've invested in Tums and Rolaids since then. :-)
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[User Picture]From: apostate_96
2004-07-17 08:18 pm (UTC)
That is truly hysterical. My ribs are hurting just from imagining what that must have been like...

I'll have to add that one to the "Humor" category in my Memories.
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[User Picture]From: cosmicbandit
2004-07-17 09:13 pm (UTC)
Alka-Seltzer tablets are big, however did he swallow them whole?
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2004-07-17 09:21 pm (UTC)
You never saw him eat....
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