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Dive right in - The Fucking Bluebird of Goddamn Happiness [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Zoethe

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Dive right in [Jul. 17th, 2004|05:25 pm]
Zoethe
[Current Mood |amusedamused]

This is the story I told about my dad at his funeral.

We were at the coast at a hotel with a great pool. I was about 9, Bill was 7, Michele was a toddler, and mom was pregnant with Kristi. She was at the shallow end of the pool visiting with a British gentlemen who was smoking his pipe and attending to his own toddlers, while Dad was at the deep end of the pool with us trying to teach us to dive off the diving board.

We crept to the end of the board, bent at the waist, and then chickened out and slipped off the end of the board time and again, and we started falling off head-first, but we weren't ready to take a running state. Dad finally decided that he was going to show us what he had in mind. He climbed out of the pool and onto the board.

Dad was a big guy. 6'4", strapping, probably 270 pounds. He was also enthusiastic about doing things right and making an impression. He didn't test the board, but took three great strides and leaped high above the board.

Which was fiberglass. And soft. The end of the board dipped low, almost to the water, and then - the laws of physics stretched to its limits - he was flung like a bullet down the length of the pool. He passed over our heads, shrieking, arms and legs waving wildly. He hit the surface at the four-foot depth, sort of skipped once, and then forced a tidal wave of water out of the end of the pool, soaking my mother, the toddlers, and the British gentleman.

My mother, gasping and laughing, looked over at the gentleman, whose pipe sputtered out. He removed it from hs mouth, inspected it for a moment, and then looked back at Mom.

"Makes rather a large splash, doesn't he?"
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: brujah
2004-07-17 10:23 pm (UTC)
*laughs her ass off*

That was wonderful.
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[User Picture]From: bbwoof
2004-07-17 10:34 pm (UTC)
{safetydroid}
He was lucky he wasn't killed. Or worse, flown just a few more feet and broken his back against the coping. I hope that your readers have taken more than just a laugh from this.
{/safetydroid}
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2004-07-17 10:44 pm (UTC)
Oh, it was clearly a situation where he could have been killed. It was lucky that he was only the source of amusement.

My theory is that god protects the idiots.
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[User Picture]From: babysmomma
2004-07-18 12:12 am (UTC)
Sorry, but I got a good laugh out of that too. For some reason, I can picture my dad doing that, and the same exact thing happen, and then him laughing cause he soaked my mom and the British guy(after he got over any pain he may be in).
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2004-07-18 12:17 am (UTC)
He was, asoundingly, unhurt. There are other stories....
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[User Picture]From: babysmomma
2004-07-18 12:26 am (UTC)
I know. I wanna read them soooo bad, but I'm broke, like a lot of the other college students w/ two kids and a husband. But just know that I am right there with you. I may not comment on everything, but I admire what you are doing. I have a cousin who has had breast cancer not once, but twice; and my great aunt just found out like 2 months ago that she has breast cancer. She is doing chemo and the like right now. She's really sick, and I appreciate what you are doing to help her, or maybe even me, if I end up w/ it one day. I only hope that in the future I can help by contributing, whether it is monetary, and/or physically, since I am going to be a nurse. Good luck w/ the rest of the evening, and thanks for what you are doing.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2004-07-18 12:45 am (UTC)
Oh heck, they are publicly available. Not what's hidden. I just put up another.
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[User Picture]From: babysmomma
2004-07-18 01:07 am (UTC)
oh, ok. i've been reading all of the rest of them.
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[User Picture]From: batshua
2004-07-18 07:42 am (UTC)
Gini, can I hire you and Ferrett to drive my depression away?
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2004-07-19 04:02 am (UTC)
I thnk people did this weekend.

And believe me, I would cheerfully take being paid to write anecdotes for a living!
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[User Picture]From: batshua
2004-07-19 04:03 am (UTC)
When I'm rich, I'll pay you guys to write funny stories for me when I need them.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2004-07-19 04:46 am (UTC)
I'll hold you to it.

I'll even throw in slash on demand! ;-)
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[User Picture]From: batshua
2004-07-19 04:49 am (UTC)
If I run into serious stress in the coming year but still have the finances, I may very well pay you for a few pick-me-up slash stories. ^^;
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[User Picture]From: apostate_96
2004-07-18 01:23 pm (UTC)
That ia a great story! I think part of why I find that so funny is that I can see myself doing a similar kind of thing if I ever had kids.

Those are the kinds of stories I'd like told about me at my funeral/wake/memorial service.
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[User Picture]From: labelleizzy
2004-07-19 10:42 pm (UTC)
Beautiful.

*laughter tears at corners-of-eyes*
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[User Picture]From: pkthunder
2004-07-21 09:55 pm (UTC)
Perfect story for a funeral!

Thanks for the laugh. There are lots of funny things I read every day, but not enough that make me laugh out loud.

Oh, yeah, and be expecting an additional donation from me soon.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2004-07-22 12:30 am (UTC)
Oh, thank you! I am waiting for everyone's donations to clear, and I am still amazed by people's generosity.
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