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In Which Gini-the-Pooh Feels Very Sorry for Herself - The Fucking Bluebird of Goddamn Happiness [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Zoethe

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In Which Gini-the-Pooh Feels Very Sorry for Herself [May. 4th, 2005|07:27 am]
Zoethe
[Current Mood |sadpathetic]

"Come to the circus with us! They have elephants and giraffes and flying unicorns!"

"I can't. Mom says I have to stay in and practice my violin."


That's how I'm feeling about my life right now. The wonderful catvalente is coming back to Cleveland for her birthday, arriving sometime today or tomorrow, and I will miss the bulk of the fun because I have finals on Tuesday and Thursday of next week. Being a Bear of Very Little Brain, I really do need to put in some serious time with the books. It doesn't help that, months ago, I obligated us to spending this Saturday working on a Habitat for Humanity project, cutting even further into my time.

So there will be movies and coffees and assorted yak sessions that will happen while I remain sequestered in my lonely cell, trying to cram the Rules of Evidence and Chapter 13 bankruptcy into my head.

I certainly don't blame the parties involved, and want all of them, including theferrett, to have a great time. But reading Yuki's description of her time in Cleveland really brought home to me how much I'm missing out on the fun. I was that vague person at the other end of the table whom you have to mention - because you're talking about everyone else - but who really left you with no impression at all. If she were signing my yearbook, she'd write "Have a great summer!" in it because she wouldn't know what else to say.

I missed out on all the fun that time, and I will miss out again this time. She'll probably have no more to say about me after this, except that I have a great husband - which is true, but isn't me.

I know it's my own fault. I chose this. I chose working fulltime and going to school fulltime. No one forced me into it. I usually do okay with the tightness of the schedule, but finals time is hard, and having to stay in and play my tiny violin of self pity is no fun.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: roniliquidity
2005-05-04 12:11 pm (UTC)
Have a great Summer? That's the kiss of death!

You have my symapathies. I have had many nights where friends have invited me to go to a movie, then a party, then on a spaceship or something, and I'd have to beg off because I had 13 paintings due on Monday and I was on painting #7. It sucks fantastically. At least Law School Finals sounds grave and important enough that people will respect it's something you have to do, not that you could go if you really tried.

I also really respect that you're going through with the Habitat for Humanity day when blowing it off is probably tempting. A big thmbs up to you!
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2005-05-04 12:48 pm (UTC)
If the turnout for the Habitat project had been substantial, I would probably be more inclined to beg off. There aren't a lot of volunteers, though, so our absence would be sorely felt.

And I don't have nearly enough opportunities to give back to the community these days - particularly now that we are supporting my sister and nephew and money is much tighter. It needs to be done.
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[User Picture]From: megthelegend
2005-05-04 12:23 pm (UTC)
How much longer do you have of this, sweetie?
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2005-05-04 12:49 pm (UTC)
One more year, plus the Lost Summer of the Bar next year. I'm getting there.
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[User Picture]From: adjust_56
2005-05-04 01:14 pm (UTC)
If I calculate correctly it's about 455 days....that's not so very much....you've got the bulk of this whole school time over....but don't start counting yet....
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[User Picture]From: megthelegend
2005-05-04 02:07 pm (UTC)
Good for you. It must suck so badly.

I'm sure a year seems like a very short time and an extremely long time!
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[User Picture]From: kmg_365
2005-05-04 12:34 pm (UTC)
You almost done with law school? Haven't heard much from you since you dropped off from Echo, so I don't remember:

a) when you started going full-time
b) how long the torture is expected to last

I do remember a few passing messages in the past where another illustrious DGOTS, dreagoddess, commisserated with you and the pains of law school. Seems so very long ago, though.

The memory, she ain't what she used to be!
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2005-05-04 12:51 pm (UTC)
It was a very long time ago, but alas I still have another year to go. It's four years when you're in the night program.

I try to get by echo now and then. Just not enough time....
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[User Picture]From: kmg_365
2005-05-04 01:24 pm (UTC)
Just not enough time...

I think you just won the "Understatement of the Year" award! [g]

I have some friends who got their MBA via the night program. While I'm sure it isn't as taxing as law school, they said it was brutal.

My sympathies. Think positive: just one more year to go...
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2005-05-04 12:52 pm (UTC)
And "fulltime" as in 12-13 credit hours. Even though it's considered the part-time program, I'm paying fulltime tuition.
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[User Picture]From: wilfulcait
2005-05-04 12:52 pm (UTC)
Law school sucks. Law school finals suck worse. Your violin is well-deserved.
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[User Picture]From: alexmegami
2005-05-04 12:59 pm (UTC)
Yeah, school + working full time = hell, doubly so at exams, triply so if they're not something you can just breeze through. A little self-pity is warranted.
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[User Picture]From: theferrett
2005-05-04 01:05 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry, sweetie. I love you, I know it's tough, and the most I can do is say, "You're dazzling and smart, and that's why I married you."

Hugs. BIG hugs. Big trucks o'hugs.
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[User Picture]From: adjust_56
2005-05-04 01:11 pm (UTC)
ahhhhh, it's hard......I know.....been there done that.....and this too shall pass..... and when all is said and done and you are a mighty attorney....you can go see her and have those conversations and coffee times..... passes you a kleenex....
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[User Picture]From: justbeast
2005-05-04 04:27 pm (UTC)
Ahhhst, much sympathy and respect, m' dear.
One day, right?
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[User Picture]From: catvalente
2005-05-12 08:20 am (UTC)
For the record, I really do like you very much, and think you're cool and super-nifty, and would very much like to take you out for coffee just you and me sometime. I would certainly not say HANS at you, nor simply remark on your husband. Husband-schmusband. You rock.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2005-05-12 08:43 am (UTC)
Aw, thanks. I'm glad we actually did get a chance to speak to each other this time. And for the record, Ferrett and I definitely voted you into the club - we think you should move to Cleveland at the earliest possible time. It just felt like you ought to be here, like one of us was missing when you went away.
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[User Picture]From: catvalente
2005-05-12 09:27 am (UTC)
I'm honored! Unfortunately, I can't think of what exactly I would /do/ in Cleveland, and Sam would never agree to live there. Unless the job market stays tight and the only job I can get teaching is at Cleveland State...
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2005-05-12 09:36 am (UTC)
Yeah, we considered that the whole "making a living" thing might be a problem. Not a lot of naval presence here, though if Sam transferred to the Coast Guard....

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[User Picture]From: catvalente
2005-05-12 09:29 am (UTC)
And for my own record, I did feel a curious sense of belonging which I can only thank you for, as it is not something I've often known. Alas, geography, as usual, interferes.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2005-05-12 09:37 am (UTC)
You definitely are welcome anytime you want. It was an amazingly natural fit.
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