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Zoethe

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Counterpoint [Jul. 28th, 2005|01:36 pm]
Zoethe
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In response to my "Guide to a Successful Marriage" post, also_huey wrote a guide to divorce. It starts out bitter - as divorces do - and then gets to be really good advice. It's in a community, so be respectful, but interesting reading.
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Comments:
From: going_not_gone
2005-07-28 06:34 pm (UTC)
I would call it more "a guide to surviving a divorce." It seems like he's saying that you have to acknowlege and go through all the emotional upheaval, because you can't avoid it, but at the same time, take practical steps to move on with your life. Not big with the knowing for sure here, never having been divorced, but it looks like good advice to me.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2005-07-28 07:16 pm (UTC)
It is good advice, as I said. I just like the way he starts it.
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[User Picture]From: scarletdemon
2005-07-28 06:43 pm (UTC)
That's funny (odd) I was thinking about what happens to the friends after a divorce and considered writing it RIGHT NOW. Haha! And then I read this and followed the link. I still might write it though...But it will not be wise, it will be naughty.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2005-07-28 07:17 pm (UTC)
Naughty is good, too. [g]
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[User Picture]From: unixwiz
2005-07-28 07:30 pm (UTC)
That's seems like good advice. BTW I like you icon isn't that from "Much Ado about Nothing"?
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2005-07-28 07:47 pm (UTC)
It is indeed.
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[User Picture]From: apostate_96
2005-07-28 09:21 pm (UTC)
Thanks for posting that link. It's a wonderful piece. I can't say from experience about how accurate it is, never having been divorced, but having had a couple of very serious marriage-(so I thought)-bound relationships die horribly, it sure fit.
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[User Picture]From: longtimegone
2005-07-28 11:02 pm (UTC)
That is a really brilliant post.
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[User Picture]From: also_huey
2005-07-29 03:32 am (UTC)

It's not as brilliant as you think...

I just took an hour or so to collect my thoughts, and then wrote down everything that I did wrong. I freaked out. I was drunk for a month. The letters? Yeah, I sent all of those, and some of them were pretty damn hurtful. I didn't get out right away. I freaked out over the way the friends shook out, and tried to 'play' them against her. Out of my whole list, the only thing I managed to do right was that I had a good job, and I managed to keep it. And it's taken me almost four years to let go of all of it. I ~hope~ she's happy, but I'm not at all surprised that she wants nothing to do with me. I certainly earned that.

So, basically, my advice boils down to "Pretty much do the exact opposite of what I did, and you should be okay".
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[User Picture]From: longtimegone
2005-07-29 03:46 am (UTC)

Re: It's not as brilliant as you think...

Well, I see what you mean. But, regardless of whether you intended it or not, your post does contain a good measure of hope of "coming out of the other side" and I'm sure those going through similar things appreciate that. :)

Best of luck to you.
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[User Picture]From: dancing_gator
2005-07-29 12:26 am (UTC)
Thanks for forwarding the link... As I crawl closer to the finale of the divorce process (the legal bit, anyway), there is so much I wish I knew when the divorce began. This is a good sum up.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2005-07-29 01:08 am (UTC)
If you have not read Abigail Trafford's Crazy Time, I urge you to do so at your earliest opportunity. It's a great book on getting through this. I've literally purchased and given away 6 copies.
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[User Picture]From: dancing_gator
2005-07-29 08:41 am (UTC)
Wow, if that isnt a testament, I dont know what is! I will definitely pick one up. The words 'crazy time' sum up this period perfectly!
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