You rock. Here's for recognizing reality as a separate thing from What-you-wish-was-true!
I agree a thousand times.
We can all choose what we do, but we can't always control what the consequences of those choices are. Knowing this, and acting accordingly, is what being a grown-up is all about.
I think a lot of wisdom is actually down to being able to do good cost/benefit analysis on when it's a good time to rest, when it's a good time to ask for help, and when it's a good time to just wimp out and escape the world for a while.
Oh hells yeah!
I'd like for all my crap to go away now, but I gotta keep going. (Most of it I don't post about, I'm angsty enough as it is.)
Seriously WTF am I supposed to do? What does not coping get me? Nowhere. Maybe coping doesnt get me anywhere either but there is that chance. More than just falling apart.
Here's to hoping the pensions don't tank and we at least have a laid back retirement. ;)
but you're going to get flamed anyway. Not that today is different from any other day! Got that flame retardant armor handy? Have you eaten all of the virtual chocolate I gave you yesterday? By the way, hon, are you feeling better?
2005-09-29 03:34 pm (UTC)
Re: You're right
The shock factor is lower, so yes. The issue is still completely unresolved and I can't think about it too much without needing to put my head between my knees for a while, but I'm coping through ignoring it for now.
the world doesn't care about your problems, and if you let them rule you, it will punish you for them.
Thank you for writing this. I can't stand it when other people tell me I have to deal with their problems. Because no, I don't. Certain circumstances aside, learn to deal with your own problems just like the rest of us.
Damn right. *Drives up fire truck for the flamers, honks loudly*
You get out of life what you put into it.
2005-09-29 02:51 pm (UTC)
the ability to cope as superior to the inability to cope."
called the survival of the fittest, first rule of the universe,..o.o
2005-09-29 06:14 pm (UTC)
Re: the ability to cope as superior to the inability to cope."
Survival of the fittest, at least as far as Darwin was concerned, refers to whosoever spreads their genes most successfully--so some idiot who never got past 10th grade and can't be bothered with birth control and has a dozen kids? More fit than all my brilliant friends with degrees who haven't decided to have kids yet.
However, if we're not talking Darwin, yeah, I've got to agree.
*Much* love. Despite the whole turning-out-to-be-an-evil-scientist-zombie thing, this is one of the reasons I really liked Dr. Walsh from "Buffy."
"Right. I count four limbs, a head, no visible scarring, so I assume your personal issue wasn't a life-threatening accident of any kind, and I'm therefore uninterested." Because...yeah.
I totally agree with that! It's been happening to me for a couple of years now....you haven't lost me from your audience!
Hallelujah, baby, hallelujah.
This was a refreshing read. :)
"you shouldn't treat the ability to cope as superior to the inability to cope."
People think this? As in, real adult human beings?
Well, physically mature human beings, I guess.
this was a great piece of writing here, really. and I feel like a bitch for telling people things like this because they look at me like "she's 19 with a stick up her ass". and yeah, I've got a mouth and I don't hold much back and maybe most people wouldn't say these types of things out loud, but yeah, I have that same "I don't give a shit about your problems" thing every day with people, especially those who come in to where I work and think there's nothing worse going on in the world right now than the fact that I don't have that sweater in their size. of course I don't say that to those particular people because I need to keep my job, but if you don't think it's running through my head every 30 seconds...yeah. and I've taken people off my friends list before because I can't stand to read how negative and whiny they've become, and I'll tell them this straight when they ask, and I'm the asshole then. ok, I'm the asshole, but I don't need your negativity in my life, thank you and have a nice day.
I dont know the exact situations you are talking about but for me, whining in LJ is a coping mechanism.
You won't often see me flinch in my day to day life, but that's because I just have to rant on and get it out of my system and LJ is how I do it.
I agree. Here it a link to a web cartoon.http://www.illwillpress.com/vault.html
click on "Drugs in your head"
If you ignore the launguage, he's saying the same thing.
Ok I think it is funny and true
Flagged to check when I'm not at work.
There are a lot of things I could say to this, but it all boils down to one word - yes. Exactly. The world isn't fair. People who can cope with that certainly aren't superior to those who can't, but they will certainly end up in a better head space.
I've been thinking about this sort of thing for a variety of reasons lately, and it's nice to see it put into such plain words. So, thanks.
You are just so right! And honest enough to say it as you see it and experience it. All those who experience a non-coping period in their lives find that the world moves on in spite of you and what is happening or not happening to you. The world is peopled by hordes who have their own problems, their own ways of dealing with life on a daily basis. There will always be the bleeding-hearts brigade and thank goodness for them sometimes - but they are probably only dealing with others problems because it's easier than dealing with their own. Sounds a bit cynical, I realise, but probably true, nevertheless.
2005-09-29 03:18 pm (UTC)
Coping doesn't mean solving; coping doesn't mean alone.
I think I want to add, and I think you may agree at least in part that coping doesn't mean you come up with an answer, a solution. Just that you don't fall apart.
Or to elaborate more, that you don't fall apart without BACKUP.
There have been times when I could not cope with the lack of sleep in my life, with the kids, illness, whatever. But I would wait until someone responsible enough to take care of the kids (i.e. their dad) DOES, and then sleep.
Or when I had a meltdown in the supermarket over Clifford the Big Red Dog -- it probably happened because my mother was there. I was sniffly and upset and a bit teary walking down the next aisle but then when my mom got in my sight, I let it out. Why? Because I had my safety. My mother was there to make sure I didn't have a complete breakdown, and to make sure that my daughter was ok. (As opposed to me losing it and them calling 911 and my daughter going into a foster home until they figured out what the hell was going on. Worst case scenario, of course.)
Or using my journal to vent. I'm still doing quite well if you see me in person, but in my journal I look like a basket case. Better there than here, I suppose.
Or even praying. Turn it all over, let it all out, ease the burden so I can go about my business and try to get things done.
I think those are all methods of coping and I'm not even alone for them. I may not even get things done. But I'm getting through it all.
2005-09-29 04:07 pm (UTC)
Re: Coping doesn't mean solving; coping doesn't mean alone.
I totally agree with this. Thank you for putting it this way.
Oh, my gods yes. Because lately I seem to have been getting more then my fair share of having to suffer, because somebody else doesn't know the first thing about managing their own crap. Then I get told, "Oh, what a healthy attitude you have, you're so strong."
I don't care how fucking strong I am, I don't need to shoulder your baggage. YOUR BAGGAGE=NOT MY JOB! Sometimes I'm willing to help, especially if you ask my permission. But don't just dump it on me!
Quite honestly THE most honest post on the true objective nature of consequence and accountability I have seen in a long time. I try my damndest to write with this clarity, and for some reason, don't have it yet. Congrats.
Reality is what you make of it, but not what you wish it to be.
Thank you for your humorous take on life and your insight into what is really there.
There are no happy endings or magic feel good fairness about the universe, but that doesn't mean you can't create happy endings or force the world to play fair. It just takes more work. ;)
The thing that no-one really wants to hear is that they are exactly where their decisions in life have lead them to be. It's not luck. It's not fate. It's not fair (other than it happens to everybody).
Your decisions lead you through your life and what life you live is the consequence of your actions.
When the world wakes up to this truth perhaps it will start to be a more enlightened place.
2005-09-29 03:26 pm (UTC)
So are you saying that the ADA and "reasonable accommodation" are bullshit? Because it sure sounds that way.
No one gave me reasonable accommodations. I had to fight to get a job for a year! with a bachelors and masters degree. When you are deaf, you can't get an interview on the phone to save your life. they know right off the bat what your disability is - unlike the blind and those in wheelchairs. And you can't prove in court that they were discriminating against you when they didn't give you an interview.
ADA - ha... Helps in extreme circumstances.
Amen and this is coming from me with a hearing disability and bipolar illness. They don't care in the workplace. They don't see the illnesses because they are not visible. I talk well and hear with a cochlear implant (100% profoundly deaf without it) and bipolar is managed with medication. They don't care if you didn't sleep all night b/c you were manic. All they see if someone that looks normal on the surface and expect you to perform the same as anyone else. So alot of overcompensating has to be done for both disabilities!
You are right on the dot. It does get difficult when medications make you tired and you feel like dozing off while struggling to drive to work, stay alert at your desk, etc. But I'm not another statistic on SSI/SSDI and I wish people understood that I went to school and work while so many of my deaf friends make excuses no one will give them a job/poor education/poor english skills, etc.
Everything is a hard earned fight.
Well, unless there are objections, it's gained you one more reader, eh?
:: waves hello ::
Hi there! I never object to more readers!
Life sucks and then you die. This is the ultimate in the "get off your lazy ass" series that you have written over the years.
Basically we are still animals. It's the law of the jungle out there and life doesn't grade on a curve. Sad but true.
Your comment reminded me of a song by Black Box Recorder. The lyrics go "Life is unfair; kill yourself or get over it." The song is titled "Child Psychology."