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Shocked disbelief for the friend of a friend - The Fucking Bluebird of Goddamn Happiness [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Zoethe

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Shocked disbelief for the friend of a friend [Oct. 11th, 2005|07:52 am]
Zoethe
[Current Mood |sadsad]

The phrase "died in childbirth" just isn't part of our vocabulary anymore. The little shadow that clouds joyous expectation is pretty much reserved for the baby. Babies still die now and then, or arrive less than perfect. But no one really worries about the fate of the mother.

I'm sorry for your loss, Lyss.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: heathrow
2005-10-11 11:58 am (UTC)
Oh my. I'm so sorry.
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[User Picture]From: wholuvsya
2005-10-11 12:02 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss
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[User Picture]From: kimmaline
2005-10-11 12:03 pm (UTC)
That is truly terrible. I am so sorry.
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[User Picture]From: zarhooie
2005-10-11 12:28 pm (UTC)
Love to your friend of a friend.
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[User Picture]From: kibbles
2005-10-11 12:38 pm (UTC)
That's heartbreaking. I'm sorry to hear that.
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[User Picture]From: lyssabard
2005-10-11 01:02 pm (UTC)

An incredible woman is gone.

It's funny, in it's own way--she taught medieval history, women's history, Scottish reformation stuff--and I know we discussed the subject over pints a time or two.

I am feeling for little Meg, who must be...5-6 now. Beth loved that little one more than anything, and now she is without a mother.

You'd think it was 200 years ago, or something. That this doesn't happen today, that having babies is "safe". It isn't.

Yeah...I'm in a bit of shock atm. But I appreciate having you near, and your understanding.

*HUG*
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2005-10-11 01:16 pm (UTC)

Re: An incredible woman is gone.

It mostly is. Like so many other things. Pneumonia mostly doesn't kill healthy people - except Jim Henson. Minor procedures are mostly safe - except the occasional freakish occurence. We are lulled by statistics, until we lose the safety lottery, then the whole world feels out of balance and dangerous.

Hugs, dear.
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[User Picture]From: cathubodva
2005-10-12 07:44 pm (UTC)

Re: An incredible woman is gone.

I am so sorry.
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[User Picture]From: lyssabard
2005-10-12 08:00 pm (UTC)

Re: An incredible woman is gone.

Thank you very much.
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[User Picture]From: nyxalinth
2005-10-11 01:04 pm (UTC)
I am as saddened to hear this as anyone, though I do not know them personally. How did it happen in this day and age, in the US? I know I must sound arrogant, but that sort of thing...aw, shit. I'm sorry.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2005-10-11 01:17 pm (UTC)
I don't know the details. I'm not sure my friend does, either. If I were to hazard a guess, it would be acute preeclampsia. A cascade of bad events can lead to disaster, even now.
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[User Picture]From: lyssabard
2005-10-11 01:27 pm (UTC)
No idea just yet--if Pat finds out, so will I. Still, it's not thekind of thing one plies a grieving husbad for, heh. All I remember is that I think her first pregnancy was hard--I do know after the birth was difficult. I have never seen a woman look so...depleted and drained, and that was even a month after.

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[User Picture]From: ladyoflight2004
2005-10-11 01:33 pm (UTC)
I am so sorry for your friend's loss. As you say, we just don't expect this sort of thing in this day and age. But pregnancy can be dangerous, it's just that we get lulled into thinking everything will be fine because we have such phenomenal backup from doctors and midwives. We don't get given figures for the third world, but I'd lay odds that the died-in-childbirth syndrome is pretty endemic there, we just don't hear about it and get complacent.
Once again, my deepest condolences to your friend's friend and the husband. Knowing she had such a hard time the first time around, wouldn't you think they would have warned her against a second pregancy?
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2005-10-11 01:37 pm (UTC)
Even against medical advice, women often have second babies - and more. (Rose Kennedy's doctor told her not to have anymore after the first one and she had, what eleventy-hundred?) I had a tough first delivery, and was exhausted and had trouble recovering, but there was nothing indicative of serious future problems, so no one ever warned me against having another baby - which was much easier.
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[User Picture]From: ladyoflight2004
2005-10-11 01:41 pm (UTC)
I just made another post and deleted it because it all went wrong. But I was trying to say that another LJ friend has, by an uncanny coincidence just posted about grief and you might find it helpful.
http://www.livejournal.com/users/carocrow/724296.html?mode=reply
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[User Picture]From: cathubodva
2005-10-12 07:47 pm (UTC)
Exactly. If women who were advised against having a second child always listened, my fiance wouldn't be here. Many of my friends wouldn't be here.
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[User Picture]From: unixwiz
2005-10-11 02:08 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry to hear of her loss.
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[User Picture]From: gentleman_lech
2005-10-11 02:35 pm (UTC)
My condolences.
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[User Picture]From: ba1126
2005-10-11 02:59 pm (UTC)
My condolences. Hard to equate childbirth with death. We have grown complacent.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2005-10-11 03:02 pm (UTC)
Mostly, that's a good thing.
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From: genericrick
2005-10-11 03:21 pm (UTC)
That IS really striking. How terrible...
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[User Picture]From: vespurrs
2005-10-11 03:36 pm (UTC)
I'm very sorry to hear about this. Being a mother myself, it's really not something the doctors even discuss anymore with prospective parents. I heard a lot about being concerned for the health of the baby, but never anything about the mother.
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[User Picture]From: batshua
2005-10-11 04:18 pm (UTC)
Oh, bugger!

That's horrible news.

Hugs and comfort to all those who need it.
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From: meopta
2005-10-11 05:21 pm (UTC)
It's happened twice in our lives (spouse and I). And my last delivery was a dodgy - I recall thinking I might die, then thinking no, women don't die in childbirth anymore and then thinking well X & Y did - and then Spouse speaking sharply at me and the room coming in and out of focus.

It's not a thing you talk about much, because as you say 'no one' dies in childbirth anymore - except when they do or when they get lucky and don't.

Sad stuff.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2005-10-11 05:28 pm (UTC)
It's a sign of how far medicine has come that this is such a shock to us. We forget to be grateful sometimes.
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[User Picture]From: dana3
2005-10-11 08:23 pm (UTC)
It's a sign of how far medicine has come that this is such a shock to us. We forget to be grateful sometimes.

::nodnodnod:: And when it happens to you, the incidence is 100%.

Peace and comfort to those who grieve ...
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[User Picture]From: kellirose1313
2005-10-11 05:39 pm (UTC)
How terrible, we really don't think of that type of situation happening anymore.
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[User Picture]From: griffen
2005-10-11 06:12 pm (UTC)
Wow. I'm so sorry to hear about this. It is quite shocking.
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[User Picture]From: roadnotes
2005-10-11 10:29 pm (UTC)
Ah... my heart goes out to you and yours.
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[User Picture]From: smldada9801
2005-10-12 01:05 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry.
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[User Picture]From: forestfire
2005-10-12 01:44 am (UTC)
My condolances to you and to your friend and the lady's husband and child. I just went upstairs to look at my sleeping 3 year old to think hoe lucky she and I are that medicine is what it is and that we were not in the unlucky exceptions to the miracle of modern childbirth. Sadly, nothing in life is %100.
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[User Picture]From: cathawk
2005-10-12 05:23 am (UTC)
Oh, how sad...your friend of a friend is in my thoughts.
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