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Boo!! - The Fucking Bluebird of Goddamn Happiness [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Zoethe

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Boo!! [Oct. 31st, 2005|03:59 pm]
Zoethe
[Current Mood |contemplativecontemplative]

Here's a good meme, from the lovely and talented scarletdemon, for a busy person - you can fill it out throughout the course of the day as things come to you! No fair saying nuclear war or ecological disaster unless it is something that seriously preys on your mind - this is about your personal quirks, not what a special, socially active person you are.

10 things that scare me more than Halloween:

1. Drowning - I was almost drown as a child, by a total stranger. 10-year-old me had swum the length of the pool underwater and was completely out of breath and surfacing when this man shoved me back under the water. Desperate, I fought to surface, gulping for air only to be forced back down and suck water into my lungs. I realized that he was going to kill me, and I tried to get away from him, but he had a firm grip on my head. I began to lose consciousness and went limp, lacking the strength to save myself. Immediately he pulled me out of the water and onto the deck and began administering pressing on my back to get the water out of my lungs. I choked and retched, throwing up what seemed like gallons of pool water. In the midst of all this my dad arrived from the shallow end where he had been watching over my sisters. The man apologized over and over. "I thought it was one of my boys! We were roughhousing and I thought it was one of them! I'm so sorry!" I'm certain he meant it; he plied me and my siblings with sodas and candy from the vending machines the rest of the weekend. And I'm sure that he didn't really hold me under for that long, but I was already out of breath when I got to him so didn't have any capacity for staying under water. But ever since then I have had a terrible fear of drowning. To the point where in college I could not pass my skin-diving training and advance to SCUBA because I could not bear to gear up at depth. I could do it in 6 feet of water, but not in 12. The funny thing is I loved to swim as a kid, even after that. But something that enforced my staying under water for a period of time was just too frightening.

2. Being pinned - My clautrophobia manifests itself most strongly in the terror that erupts if I have a limb pinned. Ferrett has learned that if I stiffen up and say, "get off get off get off!" he should ask no questions, but just roll, leap or jump away from me. I have to look away from the television during "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" (the animated classic, not the abomination), when the Grinch gets "stuck for a moment or two." Being scrunched up like that is a nightmare to me. I'm mildly nauseated just thinking about it.

3. Cluttered used book/junk stores - I'm not talking about Half-Price books. I'm talking about the musty little shops run by strange old men who can't throw anything away. Where they take in old toys and games and there are piles of magazines and junk in all the aisles and the whole place smells like mold and decay. There are no treasures worth subjecting myself to that.

4. High atriums in hotels/balconies - You know the ones I'm talking about, where the elevators occupy an empty space 8 or more stories high and there are balconies that lead to the rooms or hallways. I can stand looking over the edge of the Grand Canyon without fear, I can hike on high, narrow trails, but something about walking on those balconies freaks me out. I have this terror that I will suddenly jump over the edge - not commit suicide, but just somehow accidentally jump on impulse. Without thinking. Reflexively. It's stupid, but it's always present when I'm in the damned places.

5. Crowds - I am less and less tolerant of milling about in a crowd. If I am headed someplace and must travel with the crowd, I do okay, though am always looking for a place to "make a break for it." But if it is a milling crowd waiting for an event, I get very antsy. When we went to Hudson, Ohio, for the Harry Potter release I was fine in the very crowded restaurant until we were finished eating, then I needed out. Right. NOW. Could be all those years in Alaska.

6. Failure - I wrap too much of myself up in doing things right.

7. Clowns - I know this one is common, but dude, they are creepy. In the movie version of Prisoner of Azkhaban when the bogart appeared as a snake and was changed into a clown, my thought was, "SHIT! Bring back the snake!"

8. Things jumping out at me - Ferrett will testify to this: we are the jumpiest family out there. I love scary movies, but can hardly bear the jump factor. At the end of "What Lies Beneath" the guy sitting in front of us and a couple seats down turned around and pointed at me, grinning. "You're the screamer, right?" I don't mean to be!!!

9. Injuring myself - I've come so far, physically, but I'm scared that I'll get hurt and lose it all.

10. Death of a family member - I don't even have to explain this one.
LinkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: geekninja
2005-10-31 09:24 pm (UTC)
Oh god...these are good. I'll have to start a Notepad file to start keeping track.

I'm with you on the balconies thing. I rock climb, I love the window seat when flying, but get me on the edge of a tall building and I get this weird vertigo and I'm afraid I'm going to spontaneously fling myself off the balcony. I do the same thing while cutting up things cooking too - "I hope I don't seriously cut myself", then I cut myself. Stupid, stupid mind.
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From: (Anonymous)
2005-10-31 09:34 pm (UTC)
"...something about walking on those balconies freaks me out. I have this terror that I will suddenly jump over the edge - not commit suicide, but just somehow accidentally jump on impulse. Without thinking. Reflexively. It's stupid, but it's always present when I'm in the damned places."

I have this, but in all high places where there's some sort of opening to the drop-off. So in skyscrapers, I'm basically okay, at least until I get to the observation deck on top. On cliff paths, balconies, rooftops, and so on, the head begins to swim a bit.

As I once heard or read, the fear of heights is not the fear of falling. It's the fear of jumping.

-1em
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2005-10-31 09:47 pm (UTC)
It's weird to me, though, that I am pretty much unbothered by this fear in natural environs. Only buildings bring it on.

And it's not always the fear of jumping. John (my ex) is terribly scared of heights, to the point of one time almost being paralyzed on a relatively mild slope - it was steep, but walkable. But he was on all fours, in a crab position, unable to move, cold sweat running down his face. He'd climbed up just fine, but the prospect of working his way back down had him undone. There was no clear edge for jumping; this was all fear of falling.

And I do now recall being terrified in the outdoors, when a Sierra Club hike I was on required the traverse of a rockslide chute that had been cut away. We were crossing unstable, tippy rocks where a fall could easily mean tumbling over the face and dropping 50 feet into boulders. I was terrified, but not one gram of that was fear that I might jump.
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[User Picture]From: kmg_365
2005-10-31 09:46 pm (UTC)
Hey, I needed a distraction from today's tedium! Thanks!
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[User Picture]From: wishiwasnt
2005-10-31 09:52 pm (UTC)
4. High atriums in hotels/balconies . . . I have this terror that I will suddenly jump over the edge - not commit suicide, but just somehow accidentally jump on impulse. Without thinking. Reflexively. It's stupid, but it's always present when I'm in the damned places.

I have this exact same thing! I've started getting it in other places too, but it's always most pronounced on artificial structures like that. I'm sure there's some psychological cause, but I have no idea what.
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[User Picture]From: cathubodva
2005-10-31 09:56 pm (UTC)
In the movie version of Prisoner of Azkhaban when the bogart appeared as a snake and was changed into a clown, my thought was, "SHIT! Bring back the snake!"

Haha, me too. Everytime I watch it now, I have to close my eyes at that part because I love snakes but am terrified of clowns. Especially that clown - it's particularly creepy-looking!
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[User Picture]From: apostate_96
2005-10-31 11:11 pm (UTC)
Interesting idea. Thanks for putting it out there, especially as I'd been wanting something else to post as I've been so LJ-inactive of late.

I can relate to several of thsoe, especially 1, 4, 9 and 10.
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[User Picture]From: scarletdemon
2005-11-01 12:16 am (UTC)
This was my idea! I'm sulking like Ferrett said he does, when he doesn't get credit! :P
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[User Picture]From: scarletdemon
2005-11-01 12:23 am (UTC)
And that man who tried to drown you...What a clownhole.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2005-11-01 03:43 am (UTC)
Oh, boo! I didn't realize it was original! I shall correct immediately!
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[User Picture]From: scarletdemon
2005-11-01 07:52 am (UTC)
Thanks darlin'. I sort or battered my brain yesterday, trying to think of something to write about Halloween, so I felt a bit possessive about it. I probably need to get out more. ;)
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[User Picture]From: supremegoddess1
2005-11-01 02:59 pm (UTC)
I *love* your icon.
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[User Picture]From: scarletdemon
2005-11-01 03:09 pm (UTC)
Thanks! (If you mean mine, heh), my friend bonobo_theory made it for me, using a thing called Poser.
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[User Picture]From: undertheivy99
2005-11-01 12:38 am (UTC)

RE:drowning

"ROUGHHOUSING?!?!?!" Is that what he called it?!>?!? Please tell me the mother of his children got wind of this and cut his balls off for thinking that holding a kid's - ANY kid's - head underwater was mere "roughhousing."

Sputtering,
Patty
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2005-11-01 03:45 am (UTC)

Re: RE:drowning

In his defense, his kids were teenage boys of 16 and 17, big strapping fellows. I had the disadvantage of a very short haircut.

But, yeah.
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[User Picture]From: undertheivy99
2005-11-01 04:03 am (UTC)

Re: RE:drowning

Wait...you would've had boobs by the time you were old/tall enough to be mistaken for a 16/17 year old boy! I'm back to "WTF?!?!!"

Patty
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2005-11-01 10:21 am (UTC)

Re: RE:drowning

I was under water. I had really short hair. There was splashing....

I'm not saying it wasn't mightily stupid of him, but I don't think it was intentional. I'm horribly amused to find myself defending him, though. [g]
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[User Picture]From: kellirose1313
2005-11-01 01:19 am (UTC)
I have this terror that I will suddenly jump over the edge - not commit suicide, but just somehow accidentally jump on impulse. Without thinking. Reflexively

This is exactly why I hate tall buildings. I find myself on my toes leaning if brought to high up balconies and most of the time I'm not really aware of it.
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[User Picture]From: cosmicbandit
2005-11-01 03:36 am (UTC)
I'm not a fan of the crowd thing either. I get very anxious and stressed. I try not to think too much of population and sprawl because that stuff really flips me out.
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[User Picture]From: supremegoddess1
2005-11-01 02:58 pm (UTC)
OMG, I thought I was the *only* one with the high atriums thing. When I have to be on one, I cling to the wall as much as possible, because I am *positive* that somehow I will accidentally throw myself off of it.

I also have the "crowds" thing.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2005-11-01 03:12 pm (UTC)
You are definitely not alone - several other people expressed the same fear. It's reassuring to know it's at least a shared insanity!
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[User Picture]From: jcatquince
2005-11-01 03:21 pm (UTC)
Number 10 on your list is one of the things I can't stand right now. I don't have enough family left to lose any more of them. And *hugs*
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