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Burning off the old year - The Fucking Bluebird of Goddamn Happiness [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Zoethe

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Burning off the old year [Dec. 31st, 2005|04:04 pm]
Zoethe
[Current Mood |contemplativephilosophical]

The day is being spent in sloth. I slept in until 11, and since then have pretty much sat around doing nothing. No workout, no work (though I admit that I did fold a load of laundry, empty the dishwasher, and steam two suits). Amy and I watched the last of Dead Like Me, and then Serenity and its special features. I cross-stitched for a little bit of it, but mostly I am making an effort to eat badly, live badly, and take it easy one last day. I am "relaxing."

I hate it.

I've come to realize that, while I am happy to engage in recreational activities, recreational non-activity drives me batshit. Sleeping in on the weekend leaves me feeling like I'm running to play catchup all day. Doing nothing makes me nervous.

This is not a sin. This is who I am. The trick is not to force myself into artificial stillness; it's to find the proper balance between accomplishment and relaxation. If it means that I get out of bed early on the weekends and then go back to bed for a [*ahem*] "nap" when Ferrett wakes up, that is not a bad thing. I feel like I've gotten the things I need to do done, and we get that bonding that cuddling engenders.

But if I don't set an alarm, as I didn't this morning, and wake at 10am, and 11:30 arrives without me having accomplished anything, then I am dismayed. And unhappy. And spend the rest of the day feeling like I'm playing catch-up.

So this year will be about balance. And today will be a final lesson in excess. And it is all good.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: wolflady26
2005-12-31 09:50 pm (UTC)
Hey, I didn't know you cross stitched. Neat! :)
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2005-12-31 10:33 pm (UTC)
I haven't for a number of years, but I'm trying to get back into it now. I'd like to get back into quilting, which I loved, but it's a bigger time commitment - you can always do a few stitches here and there.
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[User Picture]From: sacramentalist
2005-12-31 09:53 pm (UTC)
Every Sunday, my father looks at the clock at noon and laments "Shit! Half the day is gone, already!"

Like any exercise, true sloth takes practice. Only through repetition will you shed that bothersome guilt which prevents unfettered indolence.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2005-12-31 10:34 pm (UTC)
I used to be good at it. I think maybe it's an aging thing - fewer good days ahead than behind and all that.
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[User Picture]From: greybeta
2005-12-31 09:53 pm (UTC)
Choleric people and relaxation rarely mix, unless that relaxation serves some kind of useful purpose.

(This is why blogging, my recreation, must also serve to improve my writing or I wouldn't enjoy it)
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[User Picture]From: heathrow
2005-12-31 11:24 pm (UTC)
You're a lot like my husband. He has to get something "checked off" his mental to-do list every day, even rest days. So we do our best to attack those items first, so we can always stop at whatever point and relax. Then we've done _something_ while not working too hard...
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From: klig
2006-01-01 12:06 am (UTC)
I feel the same about sleeping in and non-activity. If I somehow feel that what I'm doing is productive or getting me closer to my goals, I'll do it till the cows come home, but slobbing around the house eating icecream and watching bad tv does nothing but make me depressed.
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[User Picture]From: therealmarn
2006-01-01 01:14 am (UTC)
Zoethe, kudos on your progress. It's interesting how someone else's efforts can inspire me to try harder myself.

Ah, sloth. I grok what you're saying. I find that if I indulge in more than two days of sloth then my sleep gets broken up. It's no fun to wake up at 4:30 ayem and not be able to get back to sleep. It appears that my body has become addicted to exercise. You can well imagine how perturbed this leaves me.

Are you planning to come back to Going Nowhere? The 2006 page is up, if you want to add yourself. Or if you'd prefer, I can do it for you. I just saw your comment that you're willing to moderate the guestbook. For some reason SignMyGuestbook has stopped sending me notify e-mails when someone signs so I didn't see your offer until now. If you e-mail me, I'll send you log in instructions so you can take over the guestbook if you'd like. The spam is making me crazy :(
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2006-01-01 01:35 am (UTC)
I'm smiling at your remark about waking up at 4:30 ayem and not be able to get back to sleep, since that is about the time I get up, most days.

I am most definitely coming back! I will be happy to help with the guestbook. Spam irritates me. I'll get my profile up so that tomorrow I can start fresh!
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[User Picture]From: zissue
2006-01-01 05:03 am (UTC)
I think you're right. You would almost certainly benefit from even five minutes of meditation a day, if you still plan on making learning it one of your resolutions (I'm sorry, I've read so many resolutions I can't remember which belong to whom!)

I frequently feel like I don't have time to meditate, or unless I'm going to do it "perfectly" for a half hour I shouldn't do it at all, but really I know both of these are cop-outs. 5 minutes is better than no minutes, and it always seems to pay off by helping me to feel more relaxed and focused, and then I work a lot more efficiently.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2006-01-01 12:11 pm (UTC)
I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by my own ambition, but I'm definitely going to work hard at getting in those meditation minutes.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2006-01-01 12:04 pm (UTC)
I didn't used to be like this. Really. I don't know what changed exactly.
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[User Picture]From: ba1126
2006-01-01 07:20 pm (UTC)
I must be schizoid. I am like you all day at work. I nanny, but am also responsible for laundry and keeping the house in order. I find myself feeling guilty if I sit down for any length of time, so I find new tasks to do that aren't really my responsibility. When I go home at night, HER house looks great. I get home to mine and haven't the energy or desire to do much of anything. Mine looks like piles everywhere and cleaning anything seems like fighting the tide.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2006-01-01 10:14 pm (UTC)
That's completely understandable. You use up everything with the day job. I once knew someone who cleaned houses for a living, and she had a maid service!
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[User Picture]From: dweezel
2006-01-03 03:09 am (UTC)
I am not hampered by thoughts of 'things to do'. I can waste entire days watching absolutely nothing on TV or playing video games. I justify this as 'quality time' with the kitties. I usually have one or two (sometimes four) on my lap while I am doing little to nothing. I only do this for the good of the family. Sure, I would much rather be cleaning the bathroom, but the kitties need a comfy nap place. What am I to do?

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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2006-01-03 10:23 am (UTC)
I sort of admire this, actually. Always feeling like one should be doing something can get wearing.
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