?

Log in

Balance comes with many legs - The Fucking Bluebird of Goddamn Happiness [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Zoethe

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

Balance comes with many legs [Jul. 19th, 2006|12:28 pm]
Zoethe
[Current Mood |lovedloved]

Ferrett has never made any bones about his terror of spiders. He suffers a deep arachnophobia that causes even tiny specimens to incite terror. I, on the other hand, though no great fan of loose arachnids, can face them and dispatch them with calm detachment.

Meaning that I was the Brave Spider Killer in our household and he was the Girly-Screaming Victim standing on a chair.

Now, as we are not subject to regular spider invasions, these roles are not regularly taken up on our parts. But when they are, it's hard not to sense the balance of competency shifting slightly in my favor. The smaller the spider, the larger the shift.

It's nothing that either of us intend; it's instinctual - the rescuer must be stronger than the rescuee. And despite my assurances that, really, it meant nothing...well, it meant something. Ferrett felt self-conscious about it. I had to repress a sense of smugness. It was a small thing, but it was out of balance. The yin and yang lacked harmony.

This year, harmony arrived. In the form of 1" to 3" long, millipede-like creatures with long legs and antennae and almost no body structure. They look like writhing rib cages, scuttling along the walls.

They freak the shit outta me.

8 legs, I can deal with. Caterpillars and centipedes, I can deal with. These frail, alien-looking creatures? Not so much. In fact, not at all.

So Ferrett gets to be the hero now, and kill bugs for me. Including today, when, after taking the first half of an all-day simulated MBE, I decided to take a hot bath to deal with the muscle tension between my shoulders. I drew the bath, climbed in, settled back with a book and read for a while. Then I put the book down.

And realized I was sharing the tub with one of those creatures. It was floating in the water, only inches from my leg.

This one was only an inch or so long - which is the only reason I did not levitate, screaming, from the tub. I slipped out, wrapped a towel around myself, and called down the hall:

"Honey? Can you rescue me? One of those bugs was in the tub with me!"

My white knight came forth, and when he looked into the tub (as I was cowering in the hallway), he scoffed, "That thing?--" And then he stopped. "Naw, it's huge!" he added in a tone that really tried to hide the patronizing. He slew my dragon, and I gave him a kiss.

And felt better. Because, honestly, I should have been able to deal with the bug. If he wasn't here, I would have dealt with the bug - just as he deals with spiders when I am not around. But you know, it's nice to know that there is someone who will chase off the scaries for you.

And to know that you can do the same for them.
LinkReply

Comments:
Page 1 of 2
<<[1] [2] >>
[User Picture]From: kathrynrose
2006-07-19 04:50 pm (UTC)
You guys are just too good to be true sometimes. :P
(Reply) (Thread)
From: jennasuze
2006-07-19 04:56 pm (UTC)
And you continue to be my relationship gurus. :)
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: tygher
2006-07-19 04:58 pm (UTC)
We have the samesort of arrangement in my house. Scarey, evil spiders? I kill-em .. they're in my house, they broke the stay outside rule.

But millipedes (which is what yours sounded like), centipedes and bees and hornest and wasps and such? That's Jason's duty. I can't stand the things. They freak me out more than anything in the world.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: casu_consulto
2006-07-19 10:37 pm (UTC)
Yes indeed! Entering the house is a capital crime for spiders. I am judge and jury, my bf is the executioner.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: throbinson
2006-07-19 04:59 pm (UTC)
I miss my husband's spider-slaying prowess.
...
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2006-07-19 05:05 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry I made you sad.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Expand)
[User Picture]From: dawntreader90
2006-07-19 04:59 pm (UTC)
hooray for brave heroes. :)
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: wyrrlen
2006-07-19 05:00 pm (UTC)
They look a little bit alien with long articulating legs? Those might be house centipedes. We inherited having them come into our house when we first moved in 2 years ago, and have been having similar reactions to yours.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2006-07-19 05:07 pm (UTC)
Must be. Icky. Icky icky ickyickyickyicky.....

[shuddering]
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: lyssabard
2006-07-19 05:07 pm (UTC)
I saw those horrid creatures (mostly dead and dessicated) when living in the hellish basement apartment in MD. (They were nothing compared to the spickets--camel crickets. GAH. Cross a grasshopper/cricket and a spider...and there ya go. A jumping creepy).

Anyway, B is totally the white knight to my screaming frail girlishness. And I don't mind one bit.

That said...the two of us on our hands and knees, armed with a folder and shoebox to catch a mouse that was loose in the office...that was kinda funny.

(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2006-07-19 07:07 pm (UTC)
I don't like unauthorized intruders into my living space of any kind, but am good with things I meet out-of-doors.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: irishjeeper
2006-07-19 05:09 pm (UTC)
Ewww. I hate those alien looking things. I can't stand anything buggy inside my house.

However when camping or outdoors I don't mind bugs and spiders, I seem to be okay with invaiding their territory and sharing it with them. Just don't come into my house and we will be fine.

Unfortunately being single causes me to stay awake at night if I've spotted a bug inside my house, that is until I can fling a shoe at the wall (or tv) and kill it. haha.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: irishjeeper
2006-07-19 05:16 pm (UTC)

PS -

Is this what you're talking about?

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Expand)
[User Picture]From: morgi
2006-07-19 05:10 pm (UTC)
I hate centipedes. Our first place in Indy was infested with them.

Then we moved to a place that was saturated in EARWIGS.

The current house is refreshingly vermin-free.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2006-07-19 07:09 pm (UTC)
Ewww, I remember earwigs from my childhood. More shudders!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: gkingsley
2006-07-19 05:11 pm (UTC)

Oh, I hate those things.

Hate them. Hatehatehate them.

I'm a tough, bug-killin' grrl, except when it comes to those things. Then I scream and flee. When Frank's working in NY, sometimes I hide under the blankets so it can't get me.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2006-07-19 07:10 pm (UTC)

Re: Oh, I hate those things.

Yeah, they pretty much make me melt. Nasty bastards.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: kmg_365
2006-07-19 05:28 pm (UTC)
I'm with you on this one Gini - I hate those insects. They make my skin crawl, whatever the hell they are.
(Reply) (Thread)
From: stella_x3x3
2006-07-19 05:30 pm (UTC)
awe so cute. I wish someone would kill spiders for me without question. My family has heard me screaming one to many times to care anymore... I've had to learn to suck it up and kill them. However, I am still unable to watch any kind of movie with spiders in it.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: scarfman
2006-07-19 05:35 pm (UTC)

God must be on a theme day kick, when both you and Ferrett wrote today about having insect encounters today.

(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: hihankara
2006-07-19 05:35 pm (UTC)
Its so true! I tried explaining this to my hubby once. He doesnt get that its romantic, taking care of me like that. Even if I am totally capable of doing it myself, its nice that he steps in when I need him, and when he lets me take care of him when its my turn too. :)
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: justbeast
2006-07-19 05:40 pm (UTC)
Gah, I hate those things!

And -- yeyyyy for valiant critter slaying, on all sides!
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: miripanda
2006-07-19 05:57 pm (UTC)
Yeah, but still..ewwwwww! I would have totally freaked. I mean, I'm fairly brave, but when I looked up and saw an infinitesimal number of baby spiders spread allll over my ceiling, I called my 11 year old cousin to help me out, I was so wigged.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: glorgana
2006-07-19 06:16 pm (UTC)
I always called those critters "yucky bugs". it rolls off the tounge and describes them well. Its myjob to dispose of any and all animals that wander into our house (yucky bugs, spiders, wasps, mice) and it's my boyfreinds job to stand between me and horses, if we are passing near to mounted police or in some other area with horses. *shudder* See it's not so bad, at least you are creeped out by something creepy!
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2006-07-19 07:13 pm (UTC)
Well, those and clowns.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: dragonpaws
2006-07-19 06:34 pm (UTC)
My hubby and I have a similar arrangement- he is the bug-killing king while I cower in the corner and squeak, and I am the cleaner-upper of disgusting smelly messes of all kinds, from vomit to rotted food to taking out the garbage while he leaves the room and gags repeatedly. It is a good thing. :)
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: throbinson
2006-07-19 06:42 pm (UTC)
Hah! We divided things like that too. He was at his gaggiest first thing in the morning, so waking up to animal messes or a poopy diaper just did him in. Which I didn't mind as long as he got rid of spiders for me.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Expand)
[User Picture]From: ladyhawke_wings
2006-07-19 07:01 pm (UTC)
Sounds like Earwigs.

I can deal with anything except bee-creatures and earwigs.

Thank goodness for the Ferretts of the world! ;-)
(Reply) (Thread)
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2006-07-19 08:40 pm (UTC)
Yay being able to see!

I hate cockroaches, too, but they are blissfully rare in my experiences. We had an invasion at work and wow were people upset.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Expand)
[User Picture]From: emmycantbemeeko
2006-07-19 07:54 pm (UTC)
I knew it was love when I called my then as-yet-not boyfriend at three in the morning to convey in gasps broken by sobs and shudders that there was a PALMETTO BUG in the BED and it TOUCHED ME and now I have to DIE so would he please please please come kill it so I could go back into the bedroom to die in peace?

He did. And he didn't even make fun of me.

But then, I have to kill spiders for him, so it does balance out nicely, as you say.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2006-07-19 08:41 pm (UTC)
Awwww!!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: trillian42
2006-07-19 10:14 pm (UTC)
Spiders I can handle, those thingies I can handle, but camel crickets? GAH. Not a huge fan of roaches, either, but at least they don't jump, and up here they don't fly, either (which they do once you get far enough south).
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: the_siobhan
2006-07-19 10:21 pm (UTC)
We have those. They're harmless.

But if you don't like them, you probably shouldn't tell Ferrett that they eat spiders. :-)
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2006-07-19 10:41 pm (UTC)
I never for a moment thought they were a threat to me. That has nothing to do with it.

This is straight, irrational, unjustifiable, willies.

You assurances will do nothing to stop them. But thanks for trying! ;-)
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: dweezel
2006-07-19 11:07 pm (UTC)
AHHHHHHHHHH! Are you kidding me? I would have jumped out of that tub so fast I would have been dry by the time I hit the floor. OMG! And I'm with you on the previous comment. When the fear is irrational all the calming words in the world will do no good until the thing is dead, dead, dead. And then it still must be removed from sight. This is the biggest bane of being single. I can't even count on my cats to help me out, they run away as well. And I can't believe that person put a picture of it in their comments. UCK!!!!!! It's creeping me out just think about it. I have to go now.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2006-07-19 11:13 pm (UTC)
And you are one of the bravest women I know.

I rest my case.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: smldada9801
2006-07-19 11:59 pm (UTC)
Hubby doesn't do spiders here either. I once had to wake up my visiting sister in law to deal with a HUGE black spider in the tub. I had stripped down and turned on the water before I found it. If she hadn't been willing, you can bet that I'd have stuffed a towel under the door and left a note for hubby and it would have been a battle of will to see who could not pee for the longest time as we only have one bathroom.

Of course, I'm a big fan of overkill. I once dumped 1/2 gallon of bleach into the laundry tub to kill a spider.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2006-07-20 12:17 am (UTC)
Half a gallon seems reasonable to me.

Then again, I saw that Night Gallery episode where the guy washed the spider down the sink and it kept getting bigger and bigger.....
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Expand)
Page 1 of 2
<<[1] [2] >>