this makes me think of a Demotivator I love from despair.com
"Step up to the cluebat and take your licks. It's you."
lol Great quote :)
I'm always bemused when people decide that somebody else's action must have been an intentional slight. Usually I attribute such things to ignorance because it wouldn't occur to me that anybody would actually go out of their way to make me feel bad.
I'll add another one to your list, being horrendously disappointed in somebody who lets you down in an area where you already know they are flawed. Person X can't keep secrets. Person X has repeatedly told secrets every time zie come into possession of one, and Person Y knows about this. Person Y tells Person X a secret and is devestated when his trust is betrayed. "But I thought we were friends.
Friends do not set friends up for failure.
Please ignore the sad state of my grammar in this comment. :-p
2007-01-22 11:56 pm (UTC)
I love your musings!
(I just hate when I occasionally see myself in them! lol)
2007-01-23 03:09 am (UTC)
oh good lord...
this was me.
I'm having "issues" with LJ logging me out without warning the past couple of days.
I came back because this post had been on my mind while we were out running errands, and there was a thought I wanted to add.
"Never assign evil intent when stupidity will explain things just as well."
I don't really subscribe to this - partially because my own 'people picker' tends to be a bit wonky in the first instance.
Sometimes, I find someone I *think* is all of the positive adjectives you listed above - and then get blindsided by their negative behaviors... It usually takes an outside perspective for me to realize that sometimes, the person I thought was so positive actually *is* a morally bankrupt, self-obsessed, negative being who does do those things out of pure malice.
There are mean people in the world.
But I suspect that the gist of your post is such that you are pointing at the cases where it's a surprising action rather than something that is the norm for the person.
My rule of thumb is that if enough people who care about me and have proven themselves to be positive people in the past look at me and say "errrr... no... s/he really is a bad person" then I need to quit finding excuses for the negative behavior.
Just a small sidenote.
Sorry again about the apparently anonymous posting! :P
I know someone like that. Everything is always everyone else's fault. Always. No matter that s/he is confrontational, pushes hir weight around, bullies, etc. It's always everyone else's fault when s/he gets into hot water of hir own making.
And I've reached the point where I just have to sit back and shake my head, wondering how s/he got as far as s/he did at all, and when it's all going to fall down around hir. And of course, when it does, that will be someone else's fault, too. And this person wouldn't recognize hirself in this at all.
This post comes at a good time for me - two of my close friends had a pretty big falling-out, to the point where I'm not sure if they'll ever repair things. I've been worrying about having to choose sides, if one of them demands to know "where my loyalty lies". I've specifically been worried because (from what I know) one of them made an intensely callous and hurtful comment which really made him the "bad guy" in the conversation, but despite that, I don't want to excommunicate him.
So it's nice to have someone else say, "Even great people do really stupid hurtful stuff sometimes."
Yes they do. I know friends who have to straddle, and it's tough. Good luck.
What fascinates me most about this post is the reverse psychology, intended or not... by saying "it's you," you're much less likely (I'm guessing) to get responses from people who think you're talking about them specifically.
Either way, I think "Never assign evil intent when stupidity will explain things just as well" is an excellent philosophy.
At least I'm not getting the "OMG, are you talking about me?" emails that this sort of thing often engenders!
Especially to the not assigning evil where stupidity will explain it just as well.
Beautifully and eloquently said!!
And then I went to the movies, so only now seeing comments!
I might add that the excessive cultivating of such a victimhood can lead to the breaking of friendships. I've seen it happen, and it was no fun to watuch.
I wandered over from Ferrett, but I poke in here once in a while and as this is the second entry of yours I put away in my LJ memories, I wanted to ask if I could add you to my friendslist.
Welcome, and certainly, if you can tolerate the inane babble that constitutes most of this journal!
And politely reminds herself to keep herself in check about this stuff too.
2007-01-23 04:16 am (UTC)
Like I said elsewhere, I was doing it today. Ferrett had a cluebat handy, however....
I couldn't have written this better myself. Go you! :*
2007-01-23 04:17 am (UTC)
Re: spill the beans
I don't name names.
I wonder if I'm the only one who read this post with David Bowie singing "Five Years" in the back of his head.
Not being a Bowie fan, I can tell you that I'm not doing so.
I did not ask, but thank you for the link!
OMG, are you talking about me?
Just kidding. Good thoughts. I often am accused of being naive by many of the negative folks for thinking this way.
Some people live for drama. I try to just stay out of it.
You know I do the stupid thing by default, right? I'm better at the social stuff than I used to be but I still have the social skill of a six year old.
As long as you keep trying and don't just use it as an excuse to hurt people, you are doing okay.
I'd like to post this to reader's list...may I?
Certainly. You can consider my permission given anytime you want to do so.
I get bent out of shape by the humanness of other people, but I don't take it personally. People are a wide range of things, from wildly intelligent to fucking moronic - not my dog. It bugs the fuck out of me when they inflict themselves on me - I can't understand why they can't learn things.
Of course, chances are high that someone who is a calmer person than I feels the same way about me.
At any rate. This advice isn't useful for me in the public sphere, but it's terrific when it comes to my relationships, wherein which I am anywhere between lingeringly suspicious to actively paranoid, for no particular reason. I'd love to get better at thinking that B is not deliberately trying to hurt me when he uses this one tone of voice.
Yes, but you should also be able to point out - using "me words" what you feel like. It's a delicate dance.