|In praise of surrender
||[Apr. 21st, 2003|10:24 am]
|||||Pirates of Pensance||]|
By noon on Thursday, I knew I simply couldn’t keep it up. My body was shutting down at last: I had completed the big projects, and it was having nothing to do with a dash for the finish line. I started running a fever, the chills and aches set in, and I listened to my coworkers admonitions to go home!
Friday consisted of sleeping, lying in bed reading a witchy book, falling back to sleep, wandering around the house in a stupor, falling back to sleep, and a little TV in the evening. Then going to bed early. Saturday I slept in, and eventually dragged myself out to the garden for a little homework. Sunday I took a drive, gamed, and went to bed early. By all accounts I didn’t accomplish nearly enough to be on track for finals.
And yet, this morning I popped out of bed at 4:15, settled right into my schoolwork, and accomplished more in those morning hours than I have managed in days, and didn’t feel frustrated, bitter, impatient, or burnt out at all. I feel ready for the final push toward finals, and more importantly, I feel like I care about it again.
It’s amazing what a brief mental vacation can accomplish. I am certain that without finally giving up and getting sick, I would still be dragging along in misery, my attention span fleeting, my interest flagging.
Don’t get me wrong: I have a lot to do before I’m ready for finals. But I have at least some confidence that I will get through it now. A week ago I didn’t. Now let's just hope I can internalize the lesson....