We aren't the Poly Poster Couple.
I read that as "the Polyester couple." I think I need to go back to sleep.
Good for you, and as I said on the other post, glad to see people making it work, whatever their relationship type is!
Thanks. Different models are what keep life interesting!
2009-02-13 12:48 pm (UTC)
issues and craziness.
part and parcel to being poly,.. and human,..;)
2009-02-14 06:10 pm (UTC)
Re: issues and craziness.
To reiterate what I said over at Ferrett's LJ, I'm touched and proud of you guys for being vocal about this. While I understand the need for some people to be closeted, it's harder for everyone that way, because every shut door is a little bit of shame that is just so unjust. It does my heart good to know that there is another door open, especially one to people as widely (and rightfully) respected as the two of you.
Bless you. :)
(Edited to fix bizarre sentence structure.)
Edited at 2009-02-13 12:50 pm (UTC)
Actually, it was seeing Milk that really pushed us - what's true for gays is true for other groups, too.
how silly. :)
i've been poly for years, and in fact met my hubby on alt.polyamory, 9 years ago. (we've been married since december.)
if there was any "one size fits all" in love, i've never heard it. yay for you in figuring that out! and much love to you and ferret both, between yourselves and including all your otherloves in there too.
Thanks. The good wishes are very much appreciated.
Glad you've found a combination that works well for both/all of you!
As I said on your hubby's journal, your toaster is in the mail.
Seriously, I never really thought about is much but, in my book at least, that's a good thing. It means that the public face you two present is happily absent of the kind of needless sturm und drang that other folks like to put on display.
I'm happy you came out of the closet, I'm a little scared for you, I think it's pretty cool :)
It is a little scary. But sometimes you have to take chances.
well, when you put it that way, it comes across as "we're emotionally invested in our friends". Which, in my book, is never a bad thing.
That's a big part of it, honestly.
I said it to the ferrett, but I'll say it here, too. a) I sort of assumed this, so I guess it's lucky you are poly, or I'd have been getting a weird vibe.
b) That actually makes me a little more impressed that you guys are as well adjusted as you are. Poly can be hard and for every relationship it saves it breaks ten. (well,l two or three by my numbers, but I'd guess it's higher). not all couples are honest or strong enough to handle it and I an glad you two are.
We've gone at it very slowly, and we are extremely cautious. It does have its risks, and there may come a time when we will pull back to monogamous behaviors because we are what comes first.
But it's a huge part of who we are, even when we aren't seeing other people.
I'm in the "yeah, duh" side of things here, but still, as I said to Ferrett, thank you for sharing this side of your life. It takes a lot of courage to come out like that.
To be honest, I thought your OKC profiles gave it away. It won't list you as available unless you actively click wanting to date or have sex partners. I figured it couldn't be an accident that Ferrett was listed as available and unless the two of you were working on the plan of open relationship.
And really, I wasn't surprised then either, but my thoughts on poly generally or specifically will have to wait for perhaps a later post of yours when my kids aren't so sick.
Yeah, our OKC profiles were where we were sort of easing into it.
And there will be other posts. But mostly we're just gonna keep being the people you already read.
I don't know, Ferrett takes too much joy in making poly-related portmanteaus to be all THAT closeted...
Like I said, I don't intend to make this journal a litany of relationships, but feeling like we couldn't talk about such things at all without being at least partially dishonest was really confining.
Coffee is much appreciated!
As I said to Ferrett, your boundaries, your life, your needs at the time--it's all good.
I love you. :)
my reaction to both posts is "....and?"
Which makes sense. It feels almost silly to make it A Post, but considering other things we've written, it would have been confusing otherwise.
I can completely see where you are coming from.
Rome Girl and I are not monogamous either, but I've never seen the point in blogging about it in my journal. For me at one level writing about having gotten laid (as a dude) always sort of seems like bragging to me, and unless I've five starred something on Guitar Hero on the hard level I don't like to brag. And I really don't like to brag about getting laid.
Beyond that, if I did start writing about it I'd have to figure out how to do all sorts of crazy LJ filters so that certain people I didn't want to really share with I didn't have to share with.
What I've done is just sorta let people read between the lines - and let them make their own assumptions when I mention that Rome Girl is going to be in Rome for several weeks at a time.
I'm not sure we are exactly traditional "poly." For us if we are living together and monogamous for too long a period of time (this probably relates to us both working from home in a small apartment) it drives us batshit insane. So every few months she goes to Rome for a few weeks. Sometimes she has affairs, sometimes she doesn't. While she's gone sometimes I hook up, sometimes I don't.
I've never felt the poly tag was exactly accurate but have yet to find anything better to describe "non monogamous life partner."
No, poly isn't the right "tag" for you. "Open relationship" is closer.
And for us it took a while because we decided that if we were doing it, we were doing it unfiltered. There is a risk in that, but never assume that anything you put on the internet won't be found or revealed by someone else. It's a recipe for heartbreak.
I'm with the rest of the, "yeah, and?" people here.
It isn't a choice I'd ever choose, but for those who do it (polyamory) and do it well: I commend you as shining examples of poly done "right." While you have your own issues and I'm sure you'd argue your setting is far from perfect, as a contrast to the drama people associate with polyamorism, it is a welcome sight.
And a reason for speaking up.
It's not for everyone. Some people are monogamous by nature, some people are not. Nothing about either way of being wired is superior or more enlightened. It just *is.*
*timidly approaching with tail slightly tucked between legs and gently wagging* For a guy who just lurks your LJ, I have to say this post is the best thing I've read this morning. It is gloriously apparent just how much in love you two are and it actually brings a tear to my eye as it also reflects on Hubby and me and stuff we've been working through as well. Bless you both.
I'm glad it meant something to you. And there is never a reason to be timid. I'm just one middle-aged woman who writes a lot - I am perfectly capable of being totally wrong.
Thank you for your kind words.
Thanks - everyone has been awesome.
I'm really proud of you guys for coming to a decision about what you were comfortable with and what you weren't, and making a public stand about it. Its one of the many reasons I think you both are awesome.
YAY! You go girl! I'm not shocked at all and am happy you guys feel better about bringing out the truth!
I love how much the two of you love each other, and my feelings there aren't going to change, 'cause y'all's feelings for each other aren't going to change.
I know that probably means somewhere between jack and squat since you have no idea who I am in real life, but I still felt like I should share.
Hey, it's totally appreciated. And yeah, it's not going to change how we feel about each other in the least. It's an already existing datapoint brought to the board!
I am more roly than poly.
I am very glad that the both of you are able to let that little piece go. I imagine and hope it'll make things all sorts of easier to talk about here. <3
It definitely will. Thanks!