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Zombies. There's no such thing as too much about zombies. - The Fucking Bluebird of Goddamn Happiness [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Zoethe

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Zombies. There's no such thing as too much about zombies. [Feb. 21st, 2009|03:41 pm]
Zoethe
[Current Mood |ditzyBRAAAAINS!!!!!]

Funny how Facebook reminds me of zombies. A lot of shuffling about, and our brains get eaten.

That aside, I found myself contemplating an important zombie question today. For the sake of argument, suppose you and a small, hand-picked group of survivors have managed to secure a defensible (from zombies) location. And thanks to your foresight in predicting the coming zompocalypse, you have kitted this location with a year's supply of food, a renewable source of water, and a year's supply of fuel for cooking, lighting and basic hygiene if you are all very careful. All your supply amounts are based on your group consisting of a certain number of survivors: the friends who agree with you and have helped you prepare.

When your other friends - the ones not in your fortress - laughed at you all those years ago, you just remembered that they laughed at Noah when we was building that boat, and look where it got them.

Now, the zombies have attacked, chaos has reigned, the TV stations have all gone black, the military has been overrun, but you and your small group of dedicated survivors - let's make it twenty people - are all kicking back, toasting with a cold one from the propane-fired refrigerator. You aren't even subject to that much screaming, since you were wise enough to build your paradise - Eden 2 - out in the country and away from population centers where holdouts would attract more zombies.

All is well, until the dust has settled a bit. You haven't ventured out for a few weeks - but you don't need to! And then you hear voices. A band of survivors has stumbled upon your encampment, drawn by the sound of the generator. They are begging you for entry before the zombie horde finds them.

Assuming they are all clearly human and bite-free, what do you do?

Let them in - rebuilding the human race will require all the genetic diversity we can manage.
75(41.7%)
Interview them and let in only those who appear to have useful skills - limited resource management is essential.
52(28.9%)
Refuse any of them entry. Classic ant-and-grasshopper logic, without all that new age crap about the grasshopper providing music and companionship. They should have built their own damned fortress.
21(11.7%)
Shoot them all dead so they don't try to break in and don't attract zombies.
12(6.7%)
Other, of course - no one *ever* thinks these things through. I'll enlighten you in the comments.
20(11.1%)

Just how twisted am I that this has been banging around in my head?

Completely twisted. What the fuck is wrong with you?
0(0.0%)
Paranoid-delusional. Get your head into the real world.
3(1.7%)
We like you, so we'll just call you "imaginative."
53(29.6%)
Are you kidding? I think about this shit all the time myself!
91(50.8%)
How did you learn about my fortress?!
32(17.9%)
LinkReply

Comments:
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-02-21 09:19 pm (UTC)
Yeah, but that trick never works. If they've survived out there this long, they probably have someone who thinks he's in charge. I see serious conflict.
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[User Picture]From: clodia_risa
2009-02-21 09:15 pm (UTC)
I say let them all in, but let them know that you are in charge, if they misbehave they get one warning, and then they will be shot. They have to make themselves useful, and if they aren't then they weaken the entire group. Any person who does not agree to these conditions is free to go. Those who prove themselves will move up the hierarchy.

We need the people to restart the human race, but liabilities cannot be tolerated.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-02-21 09:23 pm (UTC)
To quote myself from another reply: Yeah, but that trick never works. If they've survived out there this long, they probably have someone who thinks he's in charge. I see serious conflict.
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[User Picture]From: pinwiz
2009-02-21 09:15 pm (UTC)
The problem with your scenario is that you're set up for only a year. Bringing them in will reduce that time, but you're going to need the people. If the zombies die out in the interim, you're fine. If not, then you've got more manpower to regain supplies.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-02-21 09:22 pm (UTC)
I'm working from the assumption that the zombies would die out, but you do have a point.
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From: wildcelticrose
2009-02-21 09:18 pm (UTC)
You forgot this option...

"I have no fucking clue"
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-02-21 09:21 pm (UTC)
Oh, like any of us REALLY do. It's all stupid speculation!
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[User Picture]From: ccr1138
2009-02-21 09:18 pm (UTC)
To me, it depends on how many there are, how long you've already been there, how much their presence will cramp you, how many days it will shorted your supplies, and most importantly, how long it will take the outside world to be zombie-free.

If the zombies don't die off naturally, then at some point you're going to have to take them out. In that case, the more allies you have, the better your odds. OTOH, if the zombies can "starve" after a certain period of time, and allowing these people in will mean that you run out of food before that time arrives, then you'll have to either triage the new arrivals based on their usefulness or leave them out in the cold.

And if any of them were the friends who laughed at you ... yeah, zombie bait.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-02-21 09:20 pm (UTC)
And if any of them were the friends who laughed at you ... yeah, zombie bait.

I knew there was a reason I loved you. LOL!
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[User Picture]From: fax_celestis
2009-02-21 09:19 pm (UTC)
*waits for jfargo to post*
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-02-21 09:24 pm (UTC)
Seriously! Hah!
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[User Picture]From: kisekinotenshi
2009-02-21 09:45 pm (UTC)
I wouldn't be in charge in that scenario, so I probably wouldn't get a say. n.n;;;

Edit: I do take heart in knowing I have at least one useful skill, as long as I can team up with a spinner (and eventually a sheep farmer, I guess). XD

Edited at 2009-02-21 10:59 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-02-22 05:42 am (UTC)
We'll assume that the zombies are only interested in human brains and there will be sheep.

;-)
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[User Picture]From: ebonypearl
2009-02-21 09:51 pm (UTC)
Me,I'd supervise them building their own fortress, possibly near by,and if they manage that and survive, negotiate an alliance with them and set up trade agreements - we will probably out-gun them so the advantages will be all on our side. If we don't really outgun them,how will they know? Being out in the wilds, there should be plenty of wild resources available for them to create their own place not only without dipping into our resources but by actually increasing our resources and better securing our position.

Anyone who doesn't build a temporary shelter outside their fortress just so such strays (and potential cannon fodder) can cannibalize it to build their own place hasn't sufficiently planned their own fortress.

This all presupposes zombies don't eat moose and squirrel...
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[User Picture]From: czarina69
2009-02-21 09:54 pm (UTC)
Good suggestion. Temp shelter as hazing area...
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[User Picture]From: czarina69
2009-02-21 09:53 pm (UTC)
Interview, and let in those who have real brains and/or skills. Trick the useless or two-faced idiots as bear bait for a mass zombie killing spree.

Persuade useless and two-faced idiots to attack, kill and recover food and/or resources to prove worthiness to enter fortress.

Problem should resolve itself.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-02-21 09:57 pm (UTC)
That's almost more heartless than just shooting them. I am impressed.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-02-21 10:04 pm (UTC)
Except the survivors might be the kind of heartless lunatics that you don't wandering about while you sleep....
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[User Picture]From: scarfman
2009-02-21 10:31 pm (UTC)

Are you kidding? I think about this shit all the time myself!

Well, not this shit exactly. But cartoon ideas have to come from somewhere.

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[User Picture]From: docstrange
2009-02-21 10:33 pm (UTC)
Pretty much all our friends HAVE useful skills. 8->

I guess we did the culling before it required any life and death decisions. Anyone who shows up late better impress our friends.
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[User Picture]From: shadesong
2009-02-21 11:42 pm (UTC)
I voted to let them in, but truly it depends on how many of them there are. 10? Sure! 100? There's got to be some sort of screening process.

(We Bostonians have a very precise plan. We know where our fortress will be. We know which of us gets in why, and what skills we all bring to life after the zombie apocalypse.)

Edited at 2009-02-21 11:42 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-02-22 05:46 am (UTC)
Well, that's good. We will eventually need to rebuild society, once the zombies finally rot away.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-02-22 05:54 am (UTC)
I love your husband, too!

Slow zombies. Slow, stupid ones. Really, there shouldn't be any other kinds. That's just silly.

And his plan about taking them to a population center is unworkable: it requires far too much outside exposure and risk. Merely shooting them dead, rendering them unattractive to zombies and being, well, dead already, is the best bet, I'm thinking.
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[User Picture]From: scarletdemon
2009-02-22 12:03 am (UTC)

From My Zombie-Free Fortress In The North Of England

Hmmm...I suppose my main question would be "Are they American?", because I don't want a load of loud people in my fortress, complaining about our warm beer and the lack of dental floss.
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[User Picture]From: uplinktruck
2009-02-22 12:45 am (UTC)

Re: From My Zombie-Free Fortress In The North Of England

Are still upset over that little dust up in 1776?
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[User Picture]From: dreagoddess
2009-02-22 12:34 am (UTC)
Hmmm. I think there are two big questions to ask: (1) Does this group outnumber my group, and (2) How close are any zombies? Because if they outnumber me (and hence will overpower me for my supplies), or if there are zombies chasing them and trying to help them will result in the possibility of zombies getting into my shelter, then sorry, zombie bait. Otherwise I would let them in, because I just don't think I'd be able to look them in the eye and say no, no matter how strategic it might or might not be.

I would, of course, try to keep them as isolated as possible and/or under guard until we figure out how much to trust them. I'd probably give them first priority to go out on foraging missions and such.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-02-22 05:57 am (UTC)
Yeah, you softhearted liberal types. When your fortress is an abandoned hulk, we'll come in and harvest your leftover food supplies.

;-)
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[User Picture]From: ailsaek
2009-02-22 12:39 am (UTC)
I'm softhearted and I admit it. If I have a fortress, my kids are already in it, as is my wheelchair-bound and insulin-dependent mother-in-law. I can't see myself turning people away so long as all we have to do is add water to the soup. I'll leave the whole "Cold Equations" mentality to someone else.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-02-22 05:58 am (UTC)
I wish you the best...?

But you're not invited to my fortress. Sorry.

;-D
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[User Picture]From: hooloovooo
2009-02-22 01:24 am (UTC)
I have all kinds of plans, most of which will likely need modification if not be thrown out the window entirely when actually in the situation. I'll put myself as other because that decision is really going to depend on the nature of the outbreak and the type of zombies and such... and maybe how unanticipatedly annoying the people in my fortress have turned out to be in a crisis.

From a horror movie standpoint, though, letting the new people in is ALWAYS a recipe for disaster.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-02-22 06:00 am (UTC)
From a horror movie standpoint, though, letting the new people in is ALWAYS a recipe for disaster.

Exactly!

"Do you guys even watch the show?!"
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-02-22 06:00 am (UTC)
Seriously, dude. You of all people know the nutcase ratio out there!
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[User Picture]From: ferret_kitty
2009-02-22 01:27 am (UTC)
I waffled between a and b on the first question, just because it's true about diversity, but what if some of them were , I don't know, IRS guys or something? Not incredibly useful, unless they go camping or something in their spare time.
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[User Picture]From: jfargo
2009-02-22 01:15 pm (UTC)
But people can be taught to do jobs. At the very least most folks are good as lookouts (eventually...never trust them right away with the important jobs) or checking fortifications (again, give it time before trusting them with that). Over time you can show them how to do at least the lesser skills.
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[User Picture]From: jinxremoving
2009-02-22 01:51 am (UTC)
I'd let them in, but not because I'd feel bothered about rebuilding the human race as such. Just because it's the nice thing to do.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-02-22 06:03 am (UTC)
Nice-ing your way to extinction is one alternative.
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[User Picture]From: merle_
2009-02-22 02:02 am (UTC)
I watched Survivors (the BBC classic, not the remake, and certainly not the disreality show about people being voted off of some island). Only let in the good ones. The rest will drag you down. If you encounter other bands, be immediately suspicious, because they might be playing you. If you encounter two other bands at the same time, pick one side while it plays out and then decide whether to ditch your allies or not.

What, me, a cold-hearted bastard? Yeah, but I'll be there a year from now ready to feast on roast zombie when the food runs out.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-02-22 06:04 am (UTC)
You can be in my fortress.
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[User Picture]From: thessalian
2009-02-22 02:32 am (UTC)
I agree; not enough info. How many newcomers are we talking about? Are they armed? If so, how well? How did they present at the gates - were they scared, belligerent, friendly? Were they packing supplies? Are any of them injured? What's their transport? All of these things would affect my decision between letting them in provided they were willing to quest for food to restock, just telling them no, and then shooting them.

My big thing is that if the sound of your generator can attract humans, likely you're going to be attracting zombies as well. While you've stated 'defensible location', my question is, how defensible? You're living in the continental US, and these zombies, fast or slow, don't necessarily need food to survive and they don't feel pain (unless they're the type that need to eat the brains of the living to keep from feeling the pain of being dead). They don't sleep, they don't get tired, and if they know you're there, they'll keep coming. If they do the moan-call thing like the World War Z zombies did, you'll end up with half of North America's zombies beating down your door, and you will be overrun. I'd look for a solution that didn't call for a generator in the first place. End of problem - no noise to attract uninvited guests both living and dead.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-02-22 06:08 am (UTC)
Yeah, the generator was merely a trope to get survivors to find us. Definitely going to have to do without.
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[User Picture]From: annan_dum
2009-02-22 04:03 am (UTC)
To me the answer is simple: explain that everyone already inside brought their fair share with them. Send the newbies out scouting and tell them to bring X amount of goods back with them. If they don't want to risk it, they'll move on and your problem is solved. If they manage it with no zombies on their tail, you've got new blood, new supplies, and an update on what's going on in the world. If they bring zombies with them, just don't open the door. If a human can't get in, zombies definitely can't, and you're good.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-02-22 06:08 am (UTC)
Actually not a bad solution.
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[User Picture]From: libco
2009-02-22 04:04 am (UTC)

Option 1

Because morally it is the only option. However-rules must be made clear with ejection the end result of any trouble making. the leader gets a close eye looked on. however the leader may be ready to give up-leadership is a responsibility that some of us bear grudgingly.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-02-22 06:10 am (UTC)

Re: Option 1

But how many? Eventually your resources will be exhausted. Is there a moral responsibility to survive?
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