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Why Jesus came 2000 years ago and not today - The Fucking Bluebird of Goddamn Happiness [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Zoethe

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Why Jesus came 2000 years ago and not today [May. 14th, 2009|09:38 am]
Zoethe
[Current Mood |mischievousmischievous]

SON_OF_GOD BLOG ENTRY, 2/1/2009, 9AM: You wanna know how forgiving God is? A rich man had two sons, the older of whom served as his faithful foreman of his cattle ranch. The younger, not wishing to work in the family business, demanded his share of his inheritance and left for San Francisco. There he fell in with a bad crowd, wasted all his money, and after a couple years was broke and destitute and totally unsuited for work. He scraped together bus fare and headed back home, intending to swallow his pride and beg his father for a job. When his father saw him walking up the road, he cried out in joy, embraced his son, and called for his older son to slaughter the finest Kobe beef and prepare a great feast. The older son objected, because he had always done the job and no one had ever given him a feast, but the father said, "Rejoice with me; your brother is returned." That is how forgiving God is.

COMMENTER BIGBANG 2/1/2009, 9:45AM: You know, I've had Kobe beef, and wasn't that impressed. It's just a steak.

COMMENTER VEGHEAD 2/1/2009, 9:47AM: Have you seen how they process cattle? It's inhumane, and bad for the environment.

COMMENTER BERGER_KING 2/1/2009, 9:52AM: You vegetarians are all crazy. Pass me some barbecue sauce. Yum yum!!!

COMMENTER BIGBANG 2/1/2009, 10:02AM: LOL, BERGER_KING, but it sounds like this probably happened in Texas. Dry rub FTW!!!

COMMENTER VEGHEAD 2/1/2009, 10:06AM: You guys are completely disgusting. To the OP, how is "God" so awesome if he doesn't care about animals?

COMMENTER SON_OF_GOD 2/1/2009, 10:13AM: He does! He cares about everything. A sparrow does not drop from the sky except he notices, and even more with people, which was kind of my point in the first place.

COMMENTER VEGHEAD 2/1/2009, 10:20AM: Oh, yeah, bullshit on the sparrows - West Nile Virus much? He's so powerful, why doesn't he do something about that. And caring for people more? How speciesist can you get?

COMMENTER BERGER_KING 2/1/2009, 10:31AM: I've never had dry rub barbecue. Do you have a good recipe?

COMMENTER WEST_COAST 2/1/2009, 10:31AM: I love San Francisco! Cable cars FTW!

COMMENTER JOAN_WAYNE 2/1/2009, 10:47AM: That sounds so like my sister. If she walked up my mom's driveway, I'm proud to say that my mom would chase the bitch off with a baseball bat.

COMMENTER SON_OF_GOD 2/1/2009, 10:53AM: Hey, joan_wayne, thanks for commenting on topic! My point is that God is much more forgiving and always welcomes us back.

COMMENTER JOAN_WAYNE 2/1/2009, 10:57AM: Yeah, this God guy sounds like a chump.

COMMENTS FROZEN BY SON OF GOD
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Comments:
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[User Picture]From: tinhuviel
2009-05-14 02:27 pm (UTC)
Did you write this? If so, you're probably one of the most brilliant people I know. If you're just passing it on, you're still one of the most brilliant people I know.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-05-14 02:32 pm (UTC)
I did just write this this morning. I always attribute if the material is not original.
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[User Picture]From: ba1126
2009-05-14 02:29 pm (UTC)
That is hilarious! And so true! Still, it's sad that there's so much self absorption these days.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-05-14 02:41 pm (UTC)
But it's true that whatever you talk about first in a journal entry will be what people latch onto.
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[User Picture]From: aiela
2009-05-14 02:30 pm (UTC)
Muaha! That's hilarious. Good job!
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-05-14 02:42 pm (UTC)
Thanks, hon.
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[User Picture]From: samcallahan
2009-05-14 02:39 pm (UTC)
Wow!

I just finished spending fifteen minutes writing a reply on this exact thread, earlier this morning.

Your post will probably end up linked in my LJ, if you don't mind.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-05-14 02:42 pm (UTC)
Don't mind at all. Linking is always welcome.
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[User Picture]From: cinema_babe
2009-05-14 02:40 pm (UTC)
You wrote this??!! Your brilliance knows no bounds! And sadder still this is pretty much how it would roll if Jesus showed up on LJ today.

May I post a link to this in my journal with attribution?
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-05-14 02:42 pm (UTC)
Linking encouraged! And thanks!
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[User Picture]From: bart_calendar
2009-05-14 02:50 pm (UTC)
You should have included a spam comment telling people they can lose 30 pounds in 30 days while eating all the beef they want.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-05-14 02:55 pm (UTC)
The spam comments I get are never that on-topic.
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[User Picture]From: silent_ic_river
2009-05-14 02:58 pm (UTC)
Found my way over from tinhuviel. This is brilliant. Permission to link?
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-05-14 03:03 pm (UTC)
Certainly! Thank you!
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[User Picture]From: starwatcher307
2009-05-14 03:19 pm (UTC)
.
This is so much fun; I salute you. I'm linking as well; it deserves a wider audience. (Not that you don't have enough friends, but I want my friends to see, and share the giggle.)
.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-05-14 03:24 pm (UTC)
Thanks!
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[User Picture]From: mamafrog
2009-05-14 03:26 pm (UTC)
Excellent read!
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-05-14 03:33 pm (UTC)
thanks!
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[User Picture]From: merle_
2009-05-14 04:09 pm (UTC)
"Yeah, this God guy sounds like a chump."

Bwa ha ha!

(although I thought that for it to be true Kobe beef the cow had to have been raised in Japan...)
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-05-14 04:29 pm (UTC)
Yes, and to be Burgundy, the grapes have to be grown in the Burgundy region of France....
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[User Picture]From: carodee
2009-05-14 04:21 pm (UTC)
Hmm... Seems to me that the OP is trying to impose authorial intent and if J.K. Rowling can't pull that off, the OP shouldn't expect to. Besides all those comments are valid reader responses. The OP should just do better next time! *hopes the dry rub recipe gets posted*

P.S. Enjoyed this a lot! *g*
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[User Picture]From: batshua
2009-05-14 04:37 pm (UTC)
Thanks for making my morning that much better. :D
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[User Picture]From: areawoman
2009-05-14 05:14 pm (UTC)
ahahahahahaha. This is awesome!
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-05-15 12:34 am (UTC)
Thanks!
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[User Picture]From: mysteri
2009-05-14 05:47 pm (UTC)
Has this been Metaquoted? If not may I? This needs to be giggled at more.
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[User Picture]From: mysteri
2009-05-14 06:16 pm (UTC)
I think you are back at work. I see that it is not friendlocked and you have said that it is okay to show to others. I'm going to metaquote you. With a link back here of course. I'm still laughing.
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[User Picture]From: vamysteryfan
2009-05-14 06:02 pm (UTC)
You are the One ::bows down::
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-05-15 12:37 am (UTC)
L! Thanks.
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[User Picture]From: miintikwa
2009-05-14 06:06 pm (UTC)
OMG BRILLIANT!
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[User Picture]From: finding_helena
2009-05-14 06:09 pm (UTC)
That is hilarious.

Did you see this Facebook parody on a similar subject?
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-05-15 12:39 am (UTC)
I hadn't seen that one - funny!!!
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[User Picture]From: sapphirescarlet
2009-05-14 06:11 pm (UTC)

wandered by way of tinhuviel

Love this, and would totally be an avid fangirl of SON_OF_GOD's blog. (Step aside Wil Wheaton!)

But where's the smart-assed commenter with the inside track on the back story? You know, something like...

"COMMENTER GOD_DESS_LUV: Notice you didn't bother to mention that God also told Number One Brother not to begrudge badboy brother a calf because Number One Brother gets EVERYTHING when Big Daddy kicks the bucket. Badboy doesn't get another dime! Why leave that out SON? Hmm?"
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-05-15 12:42 am (UTC)

Re: wandered by way of tinhuviel

True! That's another whole can of worms; this was inspired by the reaction to a parable I told yesterday for which everyone ignored the actual point.
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[User Picture]From: chant_1
2009-05-14 07:03 pm (UTC)
Son of God, FTW! LMAO, this was brilliant!
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-05-15 12:44 am (UTC)
Thanks!
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[User Picture]From: gravityslave
2009-05-14 07:53 pm (UTC)
::dies laughing::
You'll hear about this from my family's lawyers...
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[User Picture]From: jeweledvixen
2009-05-14 08:10 pm (UTC)
I'm here from Metaquotes. This is complete awesomeness. I'm going to post it on my LJ, with credit of course! Thanks for this. I haven't had such a good laugh in a long time.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-05-15 12:46 am (UTC)
Glad you enjoyed it!
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[User Picture]From: obsidiandice
2009-05-14 09:57 pm (UTC)
I really like the piece - it's a well-written satire of a communication culture.

However, I found the title really offputting. If this is supposed to be a purely light-hearted piece, the title just sounds too serious and judgmental to fit. If the title is supposed to indicate that the piece is making a serious social criticism about our culture in relation to Jesus' teachings, I don't find the argument very convincing. He's had plenty of people who missed the point completely for a long time going.

P.S. While it would be ironically self-referential for people to start a flame war over religious interpretation in response to my post, please don't.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-05-15 12:49 am (UTC)
It was pretty much about how the parable format sucks in LJ, based on something I wrote yesterday wherein the actual point was completely ignored in favor of a discussion about eating vegetables. I am baffled why you find the title offensive, but I may be too close to the issue to see it.
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[User Picture]From: siliconshaman
2009-05-14 10:53 pm (UTC)
Wandered in via MQ...

Yeah.. and lets not go into what would happened if SON_OF_GOD posted videos of his miracles on YouTube huh?!

I figure, the apocalypse would get here a lot sooner if JC had to contend with the internet...
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-05-15 12:50 am (UTC)
Yes, in the days of special effects, miracles would be pretty hard to sell!
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[User Picture]From: polaris93
2009-05-15 12:33 am (UTC)
This is brilliant! It shows how divorced from history people are today, not to mention how few people read the Bible, which has provided endless metaphors and references for our literature, speeches, you name it. There's no understanding among most people today of the emotional power or the meaning of the lives as people once lived them. Your post illustrates that beautifully.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-05-15 01:32 am (UTC)
Actually, it was just a comment on the fact that people will latch onto the dangdest things when reading a post, totally ignoring the actual message....
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[User Picture]From: kagomeshuko
2009-05-15 01:24 am (UTC)
Mischievous? Yes.
Brilliant? YES!
Probably true? Sadly, yes.

All you have to do is read any argument on www.christianforums.com

I've been away from that site for a long time now, and much much happier.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-05-15 01:31 am (UTC)
Yeah, being Not of the Christian Persuasion, I'm not inclined to even look.
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