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A point of clarification - The Fucking Bluebird of Goddamn Happiness [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Zoethe

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A point of clarification [Jun. 6th, 2009|12:31 pm]
Zoethe
The shit-flipping that I did last night? That was completely *my* shit-flipping. It was what upset *me*. Ferrett's reasons for deleting his journal were not my reasons for flipping out.

Here are his reasons, from him:

I really didn't want to do this, but I'm making one brief announcement here.

I'm not upset by people who stay on the attack. In the incident in
question, which I really would have preferred not to be blown up into
something bigger than it was, the issue was not the folks who were angry
enough to shut down dialogues. (And they weren't particularly bad, either,
mostly civil.)

I was upset by the people I cared about who were hurt.

The issue is that I'm tired of making posts that say the exact opposite of
what I feel. I'm tired of hurting people who don't deserve it. I'm tired
of saying things which, due to poor wording or misguided humor or whatever
other numerous flaws I have, manage to keep kicking good, wonderful people
in the heart.

Over the past sixteen months, I've been dealing with the increasing feeling
that my journal is just a place that serves to make me look like a fool,
foster opinions I don't stand behind, and injure people. I'm starting to
hurt every time I hit the "post" button, wondering what asshole thing I'll
missay this time. And just when I think I'm okay, I screw up again.

My goal is, and has always been, to promote harmony, peace, love,
acceptance, and tolerance. I just wish I could do better at that. And I'm
sorry that I don't.
LinkReply

Comments:
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From: crystalsage
2009-06-06 04:53 pm (UTC)
In a way I'm glad I missed all this ... being occupied by other shit has it advantages.

Taht being said, I'm sorry it had to come to this. I've always taken great inspiration from Ferrett's posts, and he'll be missed here. You both have my support. *hugs*
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[User Picture]From: zero_design
2009-06-06 04:56 pm (UTC)
But... but... dang.

Please let him know I'm going to miss him. His journal has been one of my consistent online joys for a long time now. I didn't always agree with him, but I always found what he had to say interesting.

If I ever somehow manage to get out in that direction, I'll drop a line to see if I can visit, do some Rock Band jamming :)
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-06-06 05:17 pm (UTC)
Definitely do!
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[User Picture]From: lacey
2009-06-06 05:02 pm (UTC)
I've been feeling that subtle vibe from Ferrett's posts for awhile now, but I was hoping it was just me. I'm sorry to see it wasn't.

I had more to say, but I don't know either of you well enough to say it, and it feels a little too close to platitudes for comfort.

Good luck on doing the best for ya'll, whatever that ends up being. We'd love having Ferrett back, but his happiness, comfort levels, and well-being are more important.

-Lacey
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[User Picture]From: shezan
2009-06-06 05:03 pm (UTC)
Really, I'm sad some overreacting bodies made him doubt his perfectly real writing talent.

As for people going postal over something they read on the Internet, they should GET OVER IT.
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[User Picture]From: zarex
2009-06-06 05:08 pm (UTC)
Exactly this.
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[User Picture]From: sparkfrost
2009-06-06 05:03 pm (UTC)
When something doesn't make you happy, and in fact makes you increasingly unhappy, then yeah, I guess the best thing to do is stop. That being said, I will miss Ferrett's posts. I've been reading his journal for almost as long as I've been on LiveJournal, and I've always appreciated his sense of humor, his advice, and even just hearing about his writing process.

Gini, I'm sorry you've had such a terrible day, and I hope you both have a chance to breathe and recover over this weekend.
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[User Picture]From: blazepoet
2009-06-06 05:04 pm (UTC)
You do promote lots of stuff.

Like nothing is white or black you have done good things with your journal as well as the bad.

Never forget that unfortunately the good often goes uncommented on while the bad gets lots of air time and forum posts.

The quiet happy lurkers who read and enjoy your writing are legendary and numerous but sadly silent.

Either way you should do what is best for you. Take our comments and words into account but at the end of the day it's your choice and your decision. You are not our puppet or monkey and you do not exist to please us nor dance to our tune.

*hug* I hope you do come out from this in a better and happier place. No matter what happens there were lots of good times and good entries and you have definitely made a positive and serious difference in my life.

Be well my friend.

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[User Picture]From: ravenofdreams
2009-06-06 05:05 pm (UTC)
Ohh, Ferrett, that's... terrible. For what little it probably helps, seeing as you don't know me, I suspect that most of the people around here think that you do promote harmony, tolerance, acceptance, and all that. Even when or if you occasionally misspeak, most of your readers know it was not meant in malice, and accept your explanations.
There are, sadly, people for whom nothing is ever good enough, but nothing can be done about them. You do your best, and we all love and respect you for it.

And Gini - thank you as well for all of this. Much warmth to both of you. (And now I will endeavor to stop cluttering up your journal with comments.)
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[User Picture]From: conscience
2009-06-06 05:06 pm (UTC)
Wow, I missed a lot the past few days, I guess.

Thank you, zoethe, for the message.
And though I rarely comment on Ferrett's journal (usually I enjoy the heck out of the read, and just simply don't know what to say to add to it), I will miss his posts and hope you guys are well.

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[User Picture]From: myrrhdusa
2009-06-06 05:11 pm (UTC)
Another non-commenter but reader here. Please tell Ferrett I'd like to see him come back. He never once looked like a fool to me.
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[User Picture]From: kudilu
2009-06-06 05:23 pm (UTC)
long time lurker, never commented.

i will miss ferrett - add me to the cascade of feel-good vibes.

I hope that he at some point decides to put his journal back up, even if he never posts again, because there are some great posts there that are now just gone. Or puts them up on the website.
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[User Picture]From: kellirose1313
2009-06-06 05:25 pm (UTC)
Other people have said it better than I could so I will simly add that I do hope he comes back at some point. If his journal is not making him happy then he should step back for a time.
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[User Picture]From: kisekinotenshi
2009-06-06 05:25 pm (UTC)
Give Ferrett my best wishes. I'll miss him on LJ, which has been my second home on the internet for more than seven years now (and I've been reading his journal for about half that time), but I guess this just means I'll have to stalk him on Twitter and Facebook instead. ;D

Ultimately, what matters isn't how he as affected our lives (I would say largely for the good, despite the people who were hurt) but rather how it affected his, and if it was mostly negative toward the end, then it's better for him to be rid of it. I will say that if there's some archive of past posts somewhere, I would really like to know, because many of my favorites were ones he wrote. I'm sure others agree with me there.
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[User Picture]From: iphthime
2009-06-06 05:26 pm (UTC)

come back!

I only ever lurked, but Ferrett was a good writer and I loved hearing what he had to say. Especially about Ferrett's uncle, and how Ferrett and Gini grew together as a couple, and also about Pixar movies and preparing for the zombie apocalypse and the Heifer Project and even Guitar Hero and fun pictures of lawn ornaments. I feel like I've learned actual life lessons from the journal entries, and I'll be sad if they go away forever. Come back, come back!


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[User Picture]From: jarodrussell
2009-06-06 05:33 pm (UTC)
Please give Ferrett my best wishes for luck in completing his survivalist stash.
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From: simulated_knave
2009-06-06 05:36 pm (UTC)
If people were about a tenth as accepting and tolerating as I feel theferrett is, I think the world might be a much nicer place. We'd be hugging each other and fornicating all the time, of course, so nothing would get done, but we'd be nicer. ;)

That said, even if he's unhappy with the way the journal is now, I think many people have always enjoyed browsing the archives, and removing them is a great loss of itself, to say nothing of losing his wit, insight and good humour on a semi-daily basis.

I can only say that nothing he said has ever hurt me, and that even if he had, so much else of what he has said has provided me with insight and the opportunity to ponder my own views on subjects that I may not have thought sufficiently about. Every time he makes a mistake, people may be hurt, but many other people learn why it is a mistake - and that is something which promotes tolerance in itself.

The Internet got a little less interesting.
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[User Picture]From: iphthime
2009-06-06 05:38 pm (UTC)
"Every time he makes a mistake, people may be hurt, but many other people learn why it is a mistake - and that is something which promotes tolerance in itself."

This is exactly right!

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[User Picture]From: candiedheart
2009-06-06 05:55 pm (UTC)
Ooh, Ferrett, I personally have learned tolerance better from you than anyone. And acceptance.

I will miss you and your journal more than anything else in this world. But you have to do what makes you happy and comfortable, and if deleting your LJ makes you feel inner peace, than that's what had to happen.

I guess I have you on twitter <3
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[User Picture]From: wolflady26
2009-06-06 06:02 pm (UTC)
I keep writing angry responses and deleting them again in an attempt not to make things worse. It's hard not to be a flying monkey. People suck.

Edited at 2009-06-06 06:03 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-06-06 06:44 pm (UTC)
Mwa-hahahaha!!! The flying monkeys!!!

But thank you. I intentionally did not mention names because flying monkeys is a crappy thing to do to anyone.
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[User Picture]From: canuckgirl
2009-06-06 06:03 pm (UTC)
I sure hope he comes back. I thought he made a lot of sense and I liked the glimpses into his life - through computer games, movies and books and just everything. He sounded like half of a wonderful couple. I'll miss his posts.
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[User Picture]From: hippie_mamabear
2009-06-06 06:03 pm (UTC)
Well by all means, if LJ doesn't feel like a good thing, he should give it up. But he will be missed (and i won't stop hoping that he makes a comeback anyway--i can't help but be selfish and want to read what he has to say)!
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[User Picture]From: trianakvetch
2009-06-06 06:08 pm (UTC)
My goal is, and has always been, to promote harmony, peace, love,acceptance, and tolerance.

As a personal experience, his posts often promoted an in depth questioning as to why I reacted certain ways or how I truly thought/felt about something. I didn't agree sometimes, but I still read his journal with avid curiosity and wonder. Peeking into someones insights who had a gift for the written word was one of life's pleasures.

That said, Ferrett is not a writer to satisfy my whims..he's a real person with all that comes with that and wish him the best in life and the future.
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[User Picture]From: kibbles
2009-06-06 06:12 pm (UTC)
Yes, I tried to keep the two seperate, and HONESTLY was trying to talk in generalizations. About how people react, and write.

And my post was about a number of things, including RL and online, but off LJ incidents.

I sent a note to him on FB, with the request that he shares it with you (since I don't even know if you are on) which was more personal and addresses the, well, personal stuff.

And no, other readers, I'm not HIDING stuff, just being polite/discreet, I think, but anyone who wants to read more about how I think about STUFF, is welcome to add me. Heh.

I personally have no issue with him, with you, with the person who wounded me last night and that I apologized to because he was hurt that I was hurt, but am personally addressing the big picture.

And in my case, since the issue that touches ME involves someone I love who literally is unable to speak, I find myself speaking more, you know?
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-06-06 06:48 pm (UTC)
Yours is often a strident voice with which I disagree, but you do stay on topic and keep it honest. Sometimes angry, but honest.

There were a number of things that came together all at once that set me off. Sounds like you've had similar situations.
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[User Picture]From: ba1126
2009-06-06 06:17 pm (UTC)
Everyone has said it better than I, but I add my comment to say that Ferrett is one of the chief reasons I got an LJ account of my own. I used to read him on my daughter's LJ and then got my own so I could read and comment on his always interesting posts.

I will miss him and hope that at some point he may return.

Best Wishes.
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[User Picture]From: kythsharrie
2009-06-06 06:27 pm (UTC)
I shall be sad to see Ferrett's journal go. I loved his insight and his thinking. But if this is what's best for him, then I shall respect that.

My best wishes and prayers go to both of you.
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[User Picture]From: usmu
2009-06-06 06:31 pm (UTC)
Everybody will hurt people they don't want to hurt. It's part of this incredible heap of crap we call life. It's what you do about it that's makes you a good or bad person. For as far as I can see you've always done the right thing.

Nobody's perfect. The only way you look a fool is if you claim to be and fail. Otherwise, you're a human being learning. Nothing foolish in that.

I feel you're doing the wrong thing for the right reason. Still makes it the wrong thing though. But in the end it's up to you. Just know you're going to be missed.
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[User Picture]From: jeffpalmatier
2009-06-06 09:06 pm (UTC)
Everybody will hurt people they don't want to hurt. It's part of this incredible heap of crap we call life. It's what you do about it that's makes you a good or bad person. For as far as I can see you've always done the right thing.

Nobody's perfect. The only way you look a fool is if you claim to be and fail. Otherwise, you're a human being learning. Nothing foolish in that.


Yes, amen. I'm pretty tired at the moment and I was glad to find somebody who summed up exactly what I was thinking what I read Ferrett's new message. I think it's a mistake to retreat into silence. I hate it when I accidentally hurt somebody's feelings too, but that's just life.

I encountered the Ferrett's blog via Poppy Z Brite (docbrite) who mentioned and linked to him. I met a lot of people who would become my friends via Ferrett's blog. So the Ferrett has been nothing but positive for me. After reading his blog for four to five years, one thing I'm convinced of is that Ferrett is a kind-hearted person who wouldn't intentionally hurt anybody else for the world. Even if he stopped blogging, people would encounter other stuff that would hurt them. I'm noto saying this doesn't make me feel bad, but that's just life. The sky is blue, water is in the ocean, trees are made out of wood, and people will get hurt when you don't intend to. However, the even bigger picture is that the Ferrett's blog has given people way much more joy than it's upset them.
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[User Picture]From: roadnotes
2009-06-06 06:46 pm (UTC)
Ah, damn. I know the feeling, and have watched friends wrestle with the same sort of situation, even recently. Both of you, do what's good for you, and go with grace. Ferrett, I've not agreed with everything you've written, as you know, but I've enjoyed your writing, and look forward to tracking down your published fiction.
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