Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. *facepalm*
Reminds me of the story of the man who died in a flood. When the TV news told him to evacuate, he refused, saying God would protect him. As the waters rose, a boat from the sheriff's department came to rescue him, but he refused, saying God would provide. As the flood worsened, he was trapped on his roof. A police helicopter arrived to whisk him to safety, but he refused, saying God would answer his prayers. Then he drowned, and when he got to heaven he asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God said, "I sent the TV weatherman, the sheriff's boat, and a helicopter. What more did you expect?"
It reminded me of that story too.
Is the Victim's legs & arms bound? Is that the underlying meaning? Did someone tie them up and toss them into the ocean? Perhaps thats why they're named Victim. Must be some kind of Mob hit...
The Victim certainly believes they are.
I read a book called "Games People Play". That's the classic "Why Don't You? Yes But" Or YDYB
I've not read it, but that makes sense.
Most excellent! I've gotta point that out to some other friends of mine. Thanks for posting it!!
I've seen that and certainly there's validity to it. Still on flipside there can also be people on the shore going "Have you tried to wish the water away?" "Don't worry, even if you drown, the flood happened for a reason." "Just tread water, the flood will go away eventually, I don't know what else you want me to say."
OR the other one is the list of suggestions that you already tried, and you really don't want to print out a list of what you've done.
Or people telling you there is no water at all!
I have a son with a form of autism, completely unable to speak (it's gotten worse), and mildly mentally retarded, and in need of (and on) anti-psychotic medication. He is seven.
I cannot tell you the number of people who tell me that he will talk if he wanted to. Even a trained professional, with one of the agencies that gives him services, discussed what his goals were. So we discussed communication ones. (He can communicate, just not actually speak.) We discussed the ways he communicates so his 'trainer' can advance them.
This woman, who coordinates his care at the agency said to me, "I bet if his trainer took him to an ice cream place and didn't let him have any until he said ICE CREAM, he would say it."
REALLY? You don't think we've tried using a carrot to get him to speak? His speech therapists never had that idea? His psychiatrist? His psychologists? His teachers? Everyone who has come across him?
Of course, you get used to it, and smile politely, and say something neutral like, "Oh, yes, he does love ice cream!" Because if you spent all your time getting annoyed at the stupid things people say to drowning people, you'd run out of air that much sooner.
If I had a dollar for every diet/medical/therapy/behavior plan suggested for him, we'd have enough money to buy him a round the clock nanny, I swear.
Well, if the person in the water is, say, in a sinking rowboat and would have to leave the boat to be pulled ashore -- and knows that he couldn't really hold on to the rope long enough to get to shore -- then he's right to not give up the rowboat. It's at least keeping him afloat and may drift to shore, or some new alternative may turn up.
If he says he can't hold on to a rope -- maybe he's telling the truth.
I'm not sure he should be blamed for the rescuers' lack of resources.
*shrugs* So he drowns either way. Still not the fault of people offering valid assistance.
It was...a difficult sort of night.
My point was not that there are not difficult situations for which there are no easy answers, but instead the final line of the Victim bemoaning no one offering help while clinging to their original position.
I second most of the comments already made, especially the first comment by ccr1138.
On the lighter side, this story also reminds me strongly of Monty Python's bookshop sketch
Perfect! Except the bookseller held on a lot longer than I would. The guy'd be dead by now. Strangled and buried in books. And I'd be running around, drooling, a raving maniac.
Dear Abby used to say people can't impose upon you unless you let them. If you keep trying to be accommodating, eventually you become the victim, not them. Sort of like passive/aggressive behavior, although I do hate psychobabble.
I have been a Victim before. I try not to be anymore, but sometimes it's hard for me to tell. x.x
"My life sucks!" is not invalid at times - gods know I've complained. Refusing to make any accommodation to fix your problems is the issue here, and you have worked hard to do so.
When in crisis the answer to the question would you like some help is yes please. Followed up by may I please have some more?
Yes, you may, dear. And you made good use of it.
Thankyou. I know far too many people I MUST send this too. No doubt they will not recognize themselves. Denial IS the river in Egypt they are drowning in.
Please feel free to forward. I hope it helps.
Wow, you must be uber-psychic today...
My stepdaughter's mother called this afternoon to say she "can't handle" Wee Girl any more, and she'd have to move in with us.
We've had her most of the summer, paying for everything without help from her mother (who has more income than we do) and we're going to be taking Wee Girl every weekend starting in the fall. Since she's school aged, her mother will hardly see her anyway.
Then she had the audacity to say my husband should "step up" when I explained our un-budge-able financial and physical space situation to her (we can't have her live with us because she is six and needs her own room, which we don't have and can't afford right now, etc, etc...) and although I know she's just temporarily losing it because she's at the end of her rope, I saw RED.
She begged my husband for "a baby" seven years ago, apparently not realizing that babies turn into... GASP: children! She cheated on my husband repeatedly and then left, taking his child away from him. She got together with a creep, who gave her another baby and is now out of the picture, and the entire time, my husband has been supportive and generous, even when he couldn't afford to be. When we got married two years ago she was still acting like it was a huge pain in the butt that we wanted to see Wee Girl every second weekend. She acted like she didn't want Wee Girl to have Dan around at all, but now, after everything he's done, he's not "stepping up", because he still wants what's best for his daughter.
Sorry, I just needed to vent, and... just... ack.
Tell her that, if you take her full time, you will be seeking child support from her. It will either cause her to rethink or put money in your pockets.
the preacher and the flood
There have been a few times in my life when I was drowning in one flood or another and I could barely conceive of the help that was being offered to me as help. It's not just a matter of utter laziness or not wanting to fix things, but sometimes you get muddled thinking "But if I do this then that and this and this other thing will happen and I can't!" And then eventually something hits me upside the head and goes, "Dude! Fix it!!" and I realize what's going on and I get back on track.
When dealing with people that are going through that sort of thing, I just offer assistance and then stand back and let them make their decision. If I'm close enough to the person I may give them the, "Do you realize that the situation isn't as hopeless as you think it is?" lecture which has helped me when delivered by friends of mine once or twice in the past. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. If you aren't attached to the outcome, it's OK.
Yes, this. There have been times in my life that, when I look back on them now, my thinking was clearly out of whack in a big way. One of my mandatory panic-response questions to myself now is "alrighty, self, is this situation really the way you're thinking about it, or have you got it sideways again?" I used to take for granted that I was thinking about everything in the correct way and therefore making the only possible choices open to me, but now I know that sometimes that's simply not the case.