|The hazards of a sane schedule
||[Jun. 9th, 2003|06:37 am]
All winter long when I fell into bed, I fell asleep almost instantly. There were times when I could not stay awake to complete a conversation. There were times when I fell asleep while *I* was talking.
It was a survival mechanism. My body was so desperate for rest that sleep overtook me at every opportunity.
I almost forgot that I am, by nature, something of an insomniac.
Last night I experienced the woes of that condition for the first time in many, many months. It isn't that you aren't tired. It isn't that you aren't moving toward sleep. It's more like sleep has a reentry vector, just like a space capsule returning to earth, and you keep hitting it at too shallow an angle, skipping off the surface. The mind stills the heartbeat slows and then -- bounce. You've missed it again.
You're a rock, skipping along the surface of a pond when all you want to do is sink into the cool, still depths.
So despite getting in bed at a respectable 11, I didn't fall asleep until well after 2.
We console ourselves with the thought that at least our bodies are resting, we insomniacs. And there is some truth to that. I've never had any success with the, "get up for a little while and then try again" strategy, unless someone actually awakens me just as I've fallen asleep - then I have no choice; I'm wide awake and must surrender to completely resetting the cycle by getting out of bed for at least half an hour.
I'm glad of the summer off. Just amused by this unforeseen side effect.