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The stress of changes - The Fucking Bluebird of Goddamn Happiness [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Zoethe

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The stress of changes [Oct. 3rd, 2011|02:06 pm]
Zoethe
This morning Ferrett pointed out that I have been a bit unresponsive to him and wondered if anything was wrong.

My reaction was to burst into tears and sob for almost half an hour.

I'm making a lot of changes in my life right now. Working out, changing my eating habits, changing my work habits, exploring my sexuality and working on stretching my boundaries there. Even writing the food blog is something that I haven't done before; a lot of photos, a lot of writing to a different audience. Some of it is really scary to me, and while these are positive changes, very challenging.

It's a lot right now. It's taking all my energy and resources, and even though Ferrett was trying to just check in with me, I interpreted it as criticizing me and asking me to do yet one more thing. I was closer to the end of my rope than I realized, and that knocked me right off my grasp on the knot.

Fortunately, Ferrett is a very good guy, and I can't tell you how awesome that is. He just held me while I cried. I realized that I was at my boundaries and need to be good to myself.

I'm pushing myself hard. It's not easy. I'm usually more resilient than this. It's a bit embarrassing to be this fragile.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: jfargo
2011-10-03 06:17 pm (UTC)
*hugs*

I'm glad he's a good guy and is there to help you out. It's okay to be fragile - things are changing and while they'll probably ultimately lead to goodness the change is still a major stress.

Good luck Gini.

(and I'm sorry about the lack of emails - things here have been a bit odd.)
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2011-10-03 06:21 pm (UTC)
Thanks, hon. And no worries on the emails. How are you doing?
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[User Picture]From: ba1126
2011-10-03 06:19 pm (UTC)
Glad Ferrett took care of you. Hugs!
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2011-10-03 06:22 pm (UTC)
Thanks.
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[User Picture]From: labelleizzy
2011-10-03 06:23 pm (UTC)
a husband you can actually CRY on is a keeper.
(I hear you on the fragile-embarrassing thing. It goes hand in hand with "I don't want to inconvenience anyone" for me. Bleah.)

You are working to change a lot of things in your life. Five things that you list here alone!

I can't juggle more than two or three new things at a time, so I am not surprised to hear you are feeling overwhelmed.

Be gentle to yourself and do try to ask for support and love and pets whenbefore you need them.

here is a big (((((((HUG))))))), with a wipe-down towel and a bottle of water.

Go grab back onto the end of your rope and try climbing up again.
We're all here cheering you on.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2011-10-03 06:41 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much. It is a lot, and I'm not really good at noticing my stress level until it's "over the top." The encouragement is much appreciated.
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[User Picture]From: aiela
2011-10-03 06:33 pm (UTC)
You've got a lot going on, of course it's hard. You are human, like everyone else. I'm glad that Ferrett could be there for you today.

Love you!
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2011-10-03 06:44 pm (UTC)
Love you, too, hon!!
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[User Picture]From: kathrynrose
2011-10-03 06:34 pm (UTC)
I love you. You're inspiring. ::hug::
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2011-10-03 06:45 pm (UTC)
Thanks, dear. It's good to know you're there.
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[User Picture]From: custardfairy
2011-10-03 06:39 pm (UTC)
You're awesome in many ways, including letting yourself be a little fragile sometimes.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2011-10-03 06:46 pm (UTC)
I don't like it!!!!
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[User Picture]From: cinema_babe
2011-10-03 07:05 pm (UTC)
That's the nice thing about loved ones and friends, when we feel like the yoke they'll happily form the shell until we can do it ourselves.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2011-10-03 07:23 pm (UTC)
It is wonderful to have that support.
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From: simulated_knave
2011-10-03 07:16 pm (UTC)
The food blog is awesome, and made me want to make pretzels. While this doesn't necessarily mean you're an awesome person in and of itself, I think it's highly suggestive.

I'm sure you'll succeed in all the new things you're trying. :)
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2011-10-03 07:23 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you like the food blog. And thanks!
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[User Picture]From: alexmegami
2011-10-03 07:30 pm (UTC)
Even good stress is still stressful. *hugs*
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2011-10-03 07:33 pm (UTC)
Yup. Our bodies react to stress no matter what.
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[User Picture]From: dylia
2011-10-03 08:08 pm (UTC)
Yesterday must've just been a good day for bursting into tears, 'cause I was in a very similar boat.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2011-10-04 01:43 am (UTC)
Sorry you were having a hard day. Hugs.
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From: anonymousalex
2011-10-03 08:35 pm (UTC)
Much as I enjoy the food blogging, I will endeavor to refrain from asking after updates under the circumstances.

Seriously, it just took me over three weeks to mail a package. Anyone who can get the volume of stuff you do done is barely comprehensible to me.

-Alex
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2011-10-04 01:46 am (UTC)
I do want to keep them up. I'm glad people like them.

And I can't tell you how long some packages sat here waiting to be mailed.
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[User Picture]From: polymorphism
2011-10-03 08:35 pm (UTC)
With all of the things you're doing at once, you're going to have tension buildup. Embarrassment is irrational. I recommend suppression, Alice in Wonderland style.

I think of stress as a cup being filled - when things are easy and good, there's just a little in the bottom, you have room for more, you can move the cup around with no worries. When you're running high, even something relatively small can be the thing that makes you spill, because the cup is just full all the time. Tears are a good quick way of pouring off some excess.

Things will ease up. You are ok. You're doing good things and you have a solid support structure. :)
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2011-10-04 01:51 am (UTC)
That's a good way to look at it. Thanks.
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[User Picture]From: mariadkins
2011-10-03 08:39 pm (UTC)
{{hugs}}
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2011-10-04 01:51 am (UTC)
Thanks.
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[User Picture]From: ofoghorn
2011-10-03 09:00 pm (UTC)
I love you and think you're amazing.

If it helps at all, I've been feeling that way, too, lately.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2011-10-04 01:52 am (UTC)
Thanks, and hang in there.
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[User Picture]From: goaskalice71
2011-10-03 09:36 pm (UTC)

It's true, awesome partners are awesome.

It's interesting to learn one has more in common with people they admire/respect than they thought before. I've had many times like this, more over the past few years of unemployment than I care to recall. In a way it's comforting when you learn that your partner(s) may be more in tune with you and your needs than you are. At least one of you is watching out for you. Not that you're not looking out for you, but you're spread spectacularly thin these days and sometimes we are the first things moved off of our list of Important Things To Take Care Of. Not in a conscious way, just in a quietly, subtle way.

You are juggling many important to you projects. Don't forget that you are always project numero uno. Everything else is bunk and doesn't count if there is no you to enjoy them.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2011-10-04 01:56 am (UTC)

Re: It's true, awesome partners are awesome.

I'm very grateful for my wonderful partner, believe me. And I'm trying to be good to myself. It's easy to forget to do so at times, with this much going on.
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[User Picture]From: corvaxgirl
2011-10-03 10:51 pm (UTC)
Change is really really hard and it's brave that you're making these changes. Bravery does not preclude an occasional break down.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2011-10-04 01:57 am (UTC)
Thanks. It surprised me, but I'm working on accepting myself.
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[User Picture]From: fallconsmate
2011-10-03 11:19 pm (UTC)
yes, be good to yourself. you dont *have* to be perfect all the time, and ferrett is a really good guy to recognise that you arent being *you* and ask about it.

he's paying attention. that's just excellent. pays attention, funny, loves you to pieces, keeps trying to be a good husband and partner, why that's a keeper in my eyes! *gentle hugs* bubblebaths are a good rebalancer, i've found. :)
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2011-10-04 01:58 am (UTC)
I am very fond of baths! And I have the best hubby ever.
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[User Picture]From: mplsindygirl
2011-10-03 11:48 pm (UTC)
A long hard cry is good for you. Cleans out all kinds of things. So, however it came about, I see it as a helpful thing. Resilience and processing emotion and stress can go hand in hand.
*hugs*
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2011-10-04 02:01 am (UTC)
I definitely felt calmer and better when it was over.
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[User Picture]From: sageautumn
2011-10-04 03:53 pm (UTC)
I'm truly glad you felt better when it was over... and hope you'll give yourself room to have a good cry now and then.

And even though I'm quoting a sitcom... "You know what it means when you have lots of balls in the air? It means you know how to juggle."

And boy do you. (And every juggler's going to have a bobble now and then... )

(*(*(HUGS)*)*)
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2011-10-04 04:42 pm (UTC)
Thanks. It's a little scary, but I feel good about things.
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[User Picture]From: phillipalden
2011-10-04 05:44 pm (UTC)
Maybe you're pushing yourself a little too hard.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2011-10-04 06:17 pm (UTC)
Probably. So I'm trying to back down a bit and be forgiving to myself.
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[User Picture]From: libco
2011-10-05 06:53 am (UTC)
Aww, we all get there sometimes though.
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[User Picture]From: libco
2011-10-05 06:53 am (UTC)
Nothing wrong with a good cry.
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