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Where I was; where I’m going - The Fucking Bluebird of Goddamn Happiness [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Zoethe

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Where I was; where I’m going [May. 23rd, 2012|11:26 am]
Zoethe
Ferrett just wrote a terrific entry about why you should sponsor me. But I feel compelled to explain a little more what riding in the MS Pedal to the Point 150-mile ride really means for me personally.

Long-time readers of my journal will remember that I spent the better part of 2005 writing about my experience losing weight and getting into shape. That effort eventually failed, I stopped working out, gained weight, and stopped talking about it because, frankly, I was embarrassed and ashamed of myself. It was easier to lapse into silence than to admit my failure, even though everyone who read our journals and saw the occasional picture of me could tell that I had lost my battle.

Last August I underwent a minor medical procedure. Prepping for that procedure meant stepping on a scale, something I had avoided for a couple years. During that time I had also pretty much avoided all exercise as well. But the scale was a moment of truth. And the truth was, I weighed 299 pounds. One pound short of 300. By far, the most I've ever weighed. I was shocked and dismayed, and determined not to let the scale tip over to that next number. So I started eating better, cooking more at home, staying away from junk food.

But not working out. That took another month, because it just seemed overwhelming. Oh, I took a couple short walks, but it was easy to tell myself that I'd exercise "later"--a time that never came. Then in September I realized that my size was having a negative effect, to be blunt, on my sex life. As we started moving into more kinky sex, there were things I wanted to do that I was incapable of doing.

Sex is a great motivator.

September 19 is the date on which I embarked on a campaign of seriously taking care of myself. Since then, I have gone from being someone who could barely tie her own shoes to someone who just biked 41 miles on Monday and is going to bike another 20 today. Through sensible eating--and never dieting, mind you--and exercise, I've lost 60 pounds. I've gone from barely squeezing into a pair of size 24 jeans to slithering into a size 16 dress. I have a lot further to go. But I've come a long way.

And I'm very much aware that the odds of long term success are against me. Study after study shows that almost 95% of people who lose weight gain it all back within 5 years. That's scary to me, because I've done it before, and not just back in 2005. Yoyoing is a part of my personal history since college. I don't want to fail.

So I am not focused on weightloss; I am focused on fitness and health. The weightloss has been a wonderful side effect, and one I'm quite happy to enjoy, but even more important to me is that I may still be 80 pounds overweight, but I can ride 41 miles, and by August I will be able to ride 75 miles for two days in a row. That is my victory state, not a number on a scale.

Also? The sex is awesome.

Crossposting from Dreamwidth now. Sigh. If LJ won't let you comment, you can comment here: http://zoethe.dreamwidth.org/794435.html?mode=reply:
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: cynic51
2012-05-23 03:41 pm (UTC)
In reference to your recent FB update, you may also be getting cold after riding because your body is still trying to heat you+60 instead of you and is confused.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-05-23 04:07 pm (UTC)
That's a good point. I used to be very much overheated when I got back from a lot of exercise, so my body may be dumping heat in an attempt to compensate for something that isn't there anymore. Hmm.
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[User Picture]From: daphne24
2012-05-23 03:50 pm (UTC)
I love this. The people I know who successful at "dieting" right now have really just changed eating habits and gone for healthier options. I think that's the way to go and I'm starting, slowly to do so for myself.

I haven't been reading that long but I am proud of your progress and goals - I know you can do it!! And I will likely be contributing later this week (Friday is payday ;)
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-05-23 04:11 pm (UTC)
Focusing on healthier options is really helpful. Nothing is forbidden, so there is no temptation based on "I can never have that." Instead, it's all, "Is that what I really want to put in my body?"

And thanks twice over!
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From: anonymousalex
2012-05-23 04:05 pm (UTC)
1) I love the fact that you started your self-care campaign on Talk Like a Pirate Day.

2) Sex is a great motivator, isn't it?

3) Don't be discouraged by that 95% statistic. Like quitting smoking, the fact that you didn't succeed last time doesn't mean you're less likely to succeed next time. After countless failed attempts, I'm coming up to my 7-year mark, and have kept off 30-ish of the 40-ish pounds I lost using much the same system you are.

-Alex
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-05-23 04:10 pm (UTC)
1) Also, our wedding anniversary.

2) Oh, yes!

3) Congratulations! I am encouraged by your success!
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From: anonymousalex
2012-05-23 07:24 pm (UTC)
1) I'm not speaking for you, but those of us who have poor memories find it quite handy to have anniversaries fall on a minor holiday.

2) Yes, yes.

3) Thanks. I'm always a bit leery of mentioning that, because a) not to jinx myself, and b) don't want to come off as being superior and having The Answer(TM). This is just what worked for me, this time, to this extent.

I'm also slightly embarrassed, since after countless failed attempts what actually worked was fear: My doctor gave me a sample of Lipitor, and that finally scared me into actually changing my diet (and also kept me, at least so far, from having to take the drugs).

-Alex
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[User Picture]From: zeldakitty
2012-05-23 04:26 pm (UTC)
Such an awesome, inspirational post!!!
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-05-23 06:46 pm (UTC)
Thank you. I'm glad it inspired.
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[User Picture]From: mplsindygirl
2012-05-23 04:51 pm (UTC)
I'm impressed. Really impressed. I'm trying to figure out how to get more good/kinky sex in my life since my favorite source ever is no longer available to me. I could use the motivation.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-05-23 06:46 pm (UTC)
Thanks! And I wish you good sex!
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[User Picture]From: pjhandley
2012-05-23 11:51 pm (UTC)
Congrats on getting healthier! It means you'll be around longer for Ferrett and the kids.

OTOH, I have noticed that as I've been in better health, it has improved my sex life as well. It *does* make a big difference.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-05-24 02:50 am (UTC)
Thanks!!
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-05-25 12:58 am (UTC)

Re: *EMPATHY*

We are in this together.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-05-24 10:47 pm (UTC)
If I knew why it failed, I wouldn't have failed.

Part of it was studying for the bar exam. Instead of maintaining good habits and working out, I sat at my desk and gobbled snacks while studying and studying and studying. After that, it just all sort of fell apart.

Part of it was that when I got down to almost 200 pounds, I freaked out. I don't know why, and this time I am aware of that possibility and intend to keep writing through it and talking to people through it instead of running away in terror. Also, I expect it will be near Christmas time before I'm anywhere close to that weight, as I'm doing this very slowly, so I'm hoping I will adjust this time.

Stand by.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-05-26 09:02 pm (UTC)
I've heard about it but not read it. I'll have to find a copy.
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[User Picture]From: coyotegoth
2012-05-25 06:26 am (UTC)
This is an awesome post; I'm very much encouraged to get back on my own bike.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-05-25 01:07 pm (UTC)
I love the bike! It's my favorite form of exercise.
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[User Picture]From: fitfool
2012-08-07 01:16 am (UTC)
I love it when hard work pays off! Go you!
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-08-07 01:27 am (UTC)
Thank you!
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