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My family puts the fun in DysFUNctional - The Fucking Bluebird of Goddamn Happiness [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Zoethe

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My family puts the fun in DysFUNctional [Jun. 7th, 2012|09:03 am]
Zoethe
I called my mother today, and found out that:

1. My brother almost died of a heart attack, but the defibrillator in his chest kicked him back to life;

2. One of my sisters - the one who DIDN'T have major kidney surgery -- is now having kidney problems; and

3. My mom's doctor has sent Mom to a dialysis support program so she can be prepared for total kidney failure.

Apparently I should call more often. Because THEY clearly can't pick up the phone.

And of us four kids, I'm the only one who hasn't had serious kidney problems. My husband cited this as further proof that I was switched at birth.

Don't get me wrong; I love my family, even if I have very little in common with any of them. I recognize that they regard me as that sort of odd duck, and don't understand me in the least, but they still care. We get along fine when we all get together. But I have very little common ground with any of them, and we tend to get along because I don't talk about anything that interests me outside of family relations.

So we can giggle and laugh and sing when we get together, but telephone conversations aren't always easy. It makes it hard to call often. Still, we are all getting older, and one of these days we aren't all going to be here anymore. So I have to try a little harder.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: ba1126
2012-06-07 01:24 pm (UTC)
OMG! Did they have any excuse for not keeping you informed of serious issues?? My sister is the one in our family who keeps the channels open. When I had my surgery, I sent her updates, knowing she would pass everything along to my 4 brothers. Without her, I'd never have known about my older brother's battle with colon cancer (He's clear now, Thank God!!) or my oldest brother losing his partner of 25 years!!

Would it be any easier to pass along info by e mail? I usually do this with my sister because her husband tends to say "oh, she's out. I'll tell her you called." and then doesn't.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-06-07 01:31 pm (UTC)
I have them all friended on Facebook, but they are bad at updating things. Mom really is the best channel, and she has this tendency to say things as if I should already know about them. So, no, not really do much.,,
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From: simulated_knave
2012-06-08 05:35 am (UTC)
I get this when I go home.

"How's such and such?"

"Oh, he's dead."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought you knew."

Meanwhile, the petty details of the lives of people who I couldn't recognize in the street and whose names I don't even remember are regularly relayed to me.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-06-08 02:07 pm (UTC)
Yeah, that's crazy, but pretty much how we seem to work....
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-06-07 03:17 pm (UTC)

Re: Oy

Thanks.
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[User Picture]From: mplsindygirl
2012-06-07 04:19 pm (UTC)
That's a lot of hard stuff all at once! *hugs*

I stopped going to see my mother's siblings at reunions after my mother died. There are cousins I like, but we stay in touch other ways. Hard to go visit the teabaggers, though.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-06-08 02:44 am (UTC)
Ugh, yeah. That's hard to deal with.
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[User Picture]From: coeli
2012-06-07 09:40 pm (UTC)
Yikes! Unfortunately, I know the feeling all too well. I've had very similar conversations with my mother. (Don't just casually mention the CAT scan results when you never told me you had symptoms serious enough to need major diagnostic tests!!!)
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-06-08 02:47 am (UTC)
OMG, yes. That is SO frustrating!
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[User Picture]From: tormentedartist
2012-06-07 10:24 pm (UTC)
Are your family hard core republicans? LOL. Sadly just because we love people doesn't me that we can always like them or their views. My mother in law believes that Obama is going to turn the US into a Muslim country. Based on what I have no fucking idea.

Edited at 2012-06-07 10:26 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-06-08 02:48 am (UTC)
My brother is....
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[User Picture]From: kmg_365
2012-06-07 11:02 pm (UTC)
My brother-in-law found out that his grandmother died by reading a post on his brother's Facebook wall. No one in the family thought it necessary to contact him directly.

He was pretty ticked off, understandably.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-06-08 02:49 am (UTC)
Wow, that sucks mightily.
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[User Picture]From: mariadkins
2012-06-07 11:28 pm (UTC)
{{hugs}}

my mom and i found out in may 2005 that her father had died because the family we grew up next door to called because they had seen his obit in that town's newspaper.

you take care of yourself.

thomas' kidney failure, transplant, loss of transplant ... it's been an absolute nightmare to me. he's handled it all just like daisies and roses. :eye roll:
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-06-08 02:55 am (UTC)
It's been heartbreaking to read about Thomas. And wow, that's astounding about your mom!
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[User Picture]From: mariadkins
2012-06-08 10:47 am (UTC)
he's doing better. his dad got full guardianship and has been getting him to dialysis and such. he doesn't really understand what's going on with all that (the guardianship), but he's better about it than he was a month ago -- i had to stop talking to him for a little while because he'd call me and scream and yell about his dad; i just couldn't handle it.

as far as my mom. yeah, two of her sisters were apparently going to have their daddy buried without notifying the rest of the family. the youngest sister came up from north carolina and pitched a conniption in the funeral home, and i would have too. i didn't go. after all the drama when my grandmother died twelve years ago, i did a lot of tie-cutting and have stayed away. my youngest aunt said later that we all had "post dramatic stress syndrome" after that funeral. :snort:
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-06-08 02:09 pm (UTC)
That's kind of insanely meanspirited. What were they thinking???
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[User Picture]From: mariadkins
2012-06-11 04:34 pm (UTC)
oh this is normal in this family. this is how things are done.
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[User Picture]From: perseph12
2012-06-08 04:15 am (UTC)
Wait. Did we accidentally get some of the same familial issues when they were handing them out in the Beginning? I have had to learn about issues involving my father's near-death experiences and my teen sibling dropping out of high school/nearly going to the clink through the grapevine. Months later. I'm not a gossip, and I don't judge, so I'm really quite baffled about the radio silence.

*HUGE hugs* I sympathize, sweetie, and I wish there was some sort of logic. My family tells me that they want to save me stress, but the delay only makes it worse...
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-06-08 02:07 pm (UTC)
Yeah, it's not stress-saving to feel like you aren't actually part of the family, or to brace yourself for a shock every time you call. Hugs.
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From: simulated_knave
2012-06-08 05:36 am (UTC)
Writing letters/e-mail might work better. Certainly I always find telephone conversations with my relatives much more awkward than e-mail or the like (I don't have tons in common with my extended family - including, oddly, the ones I really should).
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-06-08 02:08 pm (UTC)
My mother is the only one who even gets on the computer, so email isn't going to do much good. Letter writing, I know I won't do.
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