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Dear Xenophobic Hate-Mongerers: The Coca Cola Company thanks you for your support [Feb. 4th, 2014|02:19 pm]
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On a relatively mild Sunday afternoon in early February, during a ball game that people continued to watch mostly because it was like unto Christians being fed to lions, the Coca Cola company aired a commercial in which people of many nationalities appears and "America the Beautiful" was sung in numerous languages.

At which point, the Internet went batshit crazy.

I will not recount the spewings of hatred aimed at the Coca Cola company as a segment of the population vented their spleen over the taking of "Our National Anthem" in vain. Instead, I will try to reimagine the reaction at the Coca Cola headquarters when the first of those Tweets and YouTube comments came pouring in:

Several people in suits, drinks in hand, leap from their chairs, cheering. Fist bumps, chest bumps, and mimicry of spiking a football follow. After the initial cheers, toasts are drunk and the suits all settle back to their computers, watching the insanity unfold, reading aloud the most ridiculous complaints and laughing, laughing, laughing.

You see, dear redneck 'Murican, the Coca Cola people did not make that ad to try and get your dollars. They know very well that your soda dollars will be returning their way in a few days when some other outrage has come along to blow up your proverbial skirts. No, the Coca Cola people were not surprised by your vitriol. They were, in fact counting on it.

For a few million dollars, they made and placed an ad in the Superbowl time slot that, without you, might have had a minor branding bump to their label. But thanks to you, that ad is worth millions more in the outrage of the greater population at your despicable, hate-filled behavior. People who don't buy Coke are suddenly feeling a need to defend the label for their bravery in taking on bigots like you. And how better to display loyalty that to buy a Coke and stand with this brave company against the embarrassment caused by your rude and appalling -- and frequently misspelled and ungrammatical -- spewings on the internet.

Yes, dear racist, your own disgusting attitude is selling cola to the rest of the country in ways that one mere ad could never accomplish. And if you don't think that the Coca Cola ad executives counted on your reaction to that ad, then you are even stupider than your internet rantings make you sound.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: halfmoon_mollie
2014-02-04 07:50 pm (UTC)

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And American The Beautiful is not "Our National Anthem".

I love this post.

Edited at 2014-02-04 09:48 pm (UTC)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2014-02-05 02:38 am (UTC)

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Which is why I put "National Anthem" in quotes.

And thank you.

Edited at 2014-02-05 02:39 am (UTC)
[User Picture]From: halfmoon_mollie
2014-02-05 01:00 pm (UTC)

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Which is why I put "National Anthem" in quotes

of course. I have a hard time being witty in print, I guess.

[User Picture]From: bart_calendar
2014-02-04 08:03 pm (UTC)

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I want to make love to this post.
[User Picture]From: lyssabard
2014-02-04 10:44 pm (UTC)

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I agree. So we're at a threesome--but the post deserves an orgy of love!

Still feeling awful Sunday, I didn't watch the Superbowl (Um, cause Direct TV is here and we didn't pay for anything and screw it. It's only 6 months sans tv.) and heard about the commotion over the commercial second hand.

I know,I shouldn't be surprised, but...dammit. Not that racism ever "ended", I am sorry to say, but I hope crazy shit this brings to the light of day makes it wither a little more every time as people see idiocy like this dragged out into the spotlight.

[User Picture]From: ba1126
2014-02-05 05:01 pm (UTC)

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I agree! Drag it into the light and let them see it wither!!
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2014-02-05 03:13 am (UTC)

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The highest praise!
[User Picture]From: kmg_365
2014-02-05 12:13 am (UTC)

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The commercial that stuck in my craw a bit was the Volkswagen commercial, where we learned that only men are qualified to be engineers.
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2014-02-05 03:14 am (UTC)

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Yes, I was irked by that one, too.
[User Picture]From: weirman
2014-02-05 12:39 am (UTC)

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I've gotten so good at filtering out crazy people and their outrage online that I didn't even notice.
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2014-02-05 03:15 am (UTC)

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I knew it would be coming as soon as I watched the ad. These people are pathetically predictable.
[User Picture]From: cynic51
2014-02-05 03:26 am (UTC)

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I bet the Cheerios people are pissed; their reprise of the interracial couple barely got a blip because of Coke's ad :-)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2014-02-05 04:04 am (UTC)

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Yup, I was thinking that, too.
[User Picture]From: particle_man6
2014-02-05 04:15 pm (UTC)

Mmmmm . . . arms race . . .

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Maybe it will start an arms race. "Ok, they had the song in different languages and a gay couple holding hands. To top that, we need gay interracial couples kissing while getting married in different ethnic communities!"
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2014-02-05 05:05 pm (UTC)

Re: Mmmmm . . . arms race . . .

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The amazing thing is that shows like "Say Yes to the Dress" and "Four Weddings" are already showing same sex couples getting married and not even commenting on it as anything unusual. I'm confused by America.
[User Picture]From: alexmegami
2014-02-06 06:10 pm (UTC)

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I wonder if women (the traditional demo for those shows) rank lower in homophobia, and that's why?
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2014-02-06 07:27 pm (UTC)

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It might be. I'm not certain. A quick Google search did not find data, and I'm too lazy to try harder. ;-)
[User Picture]From: mseuphrates
2014-02-06 10:45 pm (UTC)

Re: Mmmmm . . . arms race . . .

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Probably because the vast majority of rabid Superbowl watchers wouldn't be caught dead watching either of those shows (and so are only exposed to such things when it infiltrates their football, thus the outrage "I didn't watch this to see gay people!" *headdesk*
[User Picture]From: roaming
2014-02-05 06:47 am (UTC)

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This! Is! Awesome!
From: (Anonymous)
2014-02-05 03:26 pm (UTC)

spot on!!

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Hooray for the Mad Men!!
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2014-02-05 05:00 pm (UTC)

Re: spot on!!

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<3 this!
[User Picture]From: lsanderson
2014-02-05 03:33 pm (UTC)

But! But! But!

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Caramel colored corn syrup water!

Ittsa great post.

[User Picture]From: conuly
2014-02-05 08:33 pm (UTC)

Re: But! But! But!

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In my neighborhood there is a thriving market in Mexican coca cola, which is made with real sugar. Go America?
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2014-02-06 05:41 pm (UTC)

Re: But! But! But!

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Will, don't worry, because the Coca-Cola Company has announced that Mexican Coke will, in the future, be made with high fructose corn syrup. Go America.
[User Picture]From: anderyn
2014-02-05 03:51 pm (UTC)

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Yeah, it's so weird. The commercial (when I saw it, after the game, online) was so inoffensive as to make the whoopteedo totally weird to me -- it's a sweet commercial, really, and I enjoyed the different languages.

But yes, the Coke executives are probably laughing all the way to the bank.
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2014-02-05 05:08 pm (UTC)

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It is really sweet, but I knew it was going to cause massive waves of stupid.
[User Picture]From: reikirockerchic
2014-02-05 04:56 pm (UTC)

Love this

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I didn't watch the Super Bowl... didn't have too... the other room kept going, "When is the other team going to show up."

I wasn't interested, neither team appealed to me, but BOY oh BOY do I wish I had seen the ad when it aired because I would have thought, "Ooops Coke's gonna get a ration of shit and make a fortune".

Those "National Anthem" statements tell me everything that is wrong with our educational system. Sigh
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2014-02-06 03:30 pm (UTC)

Re: Love this

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It's pretty staggering that people are that angry while being that uninformed.
[User Picture]From: ba1126
2014-02-05 05:05 pm (UTC)

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My uncle loved to tell a story about a commercial that was awful (this was back in the 50's, and I don't remember what the ad was). The people who responded to him told him the aim of the commercial was to get noticed and talked about, so they welcomed his complaint!!! You are right on the money!!
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2014-02-05 05:12 pm (UTC)

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Not only talk about it, but defend the company. It was genius.
[User Picture]From: wilhelmina_d
2014-02-05 05:42 pm (UTC)

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This is hilariously and sadly accurate.
From: (Anonymous)
2014-02-05 07:32 pm (UTC)

LOVE

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I. LOVED. THIS. POST!!!!

Though, I admit... I'm a bigot. Why? Because I despise bigots, which sadly makes me one . But if one must be a bigot? This is the one I'd be.
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2014-02-06 05:42 pm (UTC)

Re: LOVE

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I don't think that it's bigotry to dislike people for police that would oppress other people. I think that's just common sense.
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2014-02-06 05:43 pm (UTC)

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I still approve of them doing it, though. ;-)
[User Picture]From: elenbarathi
2014-02-07 05:05 pm (UTC)

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Coke is still the Drink of the Death-Squads.
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2014-02-11 09:54 pm (UTC)

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Yikes.