?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Thanksgiving - The Fucking Bluebird of Goddamn Happiness [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Zoethe

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

Thanksgiving [Nov. 26th, 2015|10:52 pm]
Zoethe
Spent the holiday with Kat and Eric, plus good friends of theirs and those friends' parents. The day started quietly with us arriving early in the afternoon so that we could visit and play games. Between the craziness of our schedule and the craziness of theirs, we haven't seen much of them in the last few months. It was nice to have time.

Dinner was, of course, vastly too much food for 13 people. There was the usual chaos of getting everyone to the table, getting all the plates filled, people passing things in two different directions, laughter, confusion.

And finally that moment when it all falls silent as people tuck in. Everything was delicious, and we lingered at table for a long time, talking, telling stories, laughing.

I felt her absence through it all.

It's the second Thanksgiving without Rebecca. Her absence isn't an awkward silence--when things happened that reminded us of things she had done, we recounted those stories and chuckled to remember her. But to see the kiddie table with two little boys and one little girl, instead of two and two, it still hurts.

The grief doesn't buckle my knees, most of the time. I've realized that you don't get over it, you just learn to live with it. But sitting out on the front porch for a few minutes I was struck by it all again. "My god," I thought. "That actually happened. I remember her sitting in this chair, and the next day she died." It still shocks me, sometimes.

I'm grateful that I knew her. I'm grateful for the memories of that spunky, strong-willed, thuggish little spark. Even as I continue to mourn, I'm grateful.
LinkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: mplsindygirl
2015-11-27 06:08 am (UTC)
That sounds like a bit of healing is happening.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: andrewducker
2015-11-27 08:26 am (UTC)
I'm glad that you managed to have laughter as well as sadness, and that you are keeping her memories alive together.

*hugs*
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: ba1126
2015-11-27 03:50 pm (UTC)
It seems so obscene to have to mourn the loss of a child. Such things should not happen, but they do.

Two days ago, Hubby's 'favorite' cousin was struck and killed in a bizarre accident. He was a wonderful family man, active in scouting and a doer of quiet good deeds. How can such a thing happen? We are still in pain. Some days, all you can do is pray that they are in a better place.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2015-11-28 04:42 am (UTC)
How awful. I feel so sad for him and for the family. Please, if you feel it appropriate, convey my condolences.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: ba1126
2015-11-29 03:03 pm (UTC)
Thank you. It helps to be able to 'talk' about it.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2015-11-29 06:25 pm (UTC)
Oh, believe me I know that. Hugs.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
From: anonymousalex
2015-11-27 04:01 pm (UTC)
I often have to remind myself that my missing loved ones probably wouldn't want me to be sad all the time.

-Alex
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2015-11-28 04:42 am (UTC)
Yes, that is a hard thing to remember.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: scarfman
2015-11-27 04:56 pm (UTC)
It must be worse with a child than a spouse. But, though certainly there's a melancholy that never goes away, it becomes status quo.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2015-11-28 04:43 am (UTC)
A spouse is incredibly hard, too. Thinking of you.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)