|Inspired by Dan
||[Aug. 8th, 2003|05:41 pm]
The words that shape our lives sometimes come from the strangest places.
When I gave birth to my older daughter, my labor was long and hard. I was fortunate to be good friends with the head labor nurse at Fairbanks Memorial Hospital, because even though it was her night off she came in and spent the entire night with me. Toward 3am I was exhausted, miserable, scared, and in the most pain I have ever experienced. Part of me feared that I would die. Another intense contraction struck, and at the end of it, hair plastered to my forehead, I groaned, "I'm losing it."
Barb's response was completely matter of fact. "You can't lose it," she said. "There's no where for you to go."
She was right. There was no leaving this task and going elsewhere, no giving up. Determination renewed, I buckled down and at 4:27 Erin was born.
Barb's words have stayed with me ever since.
Dan asked what my center felt about the upheaval and changes in my life, and when I look to the center, that is what I find. Barb's matter-of-fact voice telling me that I will get through it because there is no where else to go. There is no giving up, no throwing in the towel. I have to get through these things.
Questioning them is a waste of time, since not doing them isn't an option.
I think this is part of the reason I am a relatively strong person. Barb's words didn't change me so much as solidify a worldview. Though I might fall prey to tears and spend an evening now and then curled up in a fetal position, the reality is that I have no choice but to get through things. My choices have led me here, and I must proceed through to succeed.
Failure is not an option.