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Inspired by Dan - The Fucking Bluebird of Goddamn Happiness [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Zoethe

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Inspired by Dan [Aug. 8th, 2003|05:41 pm]
Zoethe
[Current Mood |determined]

The words that shape our lives sometimes come from the strangest places.

When I gave birth to my older daughter, my labor was long and hard. I was fortunate to be good friends with the head labor nurse at Fairbanks Memorial Hospital, because even though it was her night off she came in and spent the entire night with me. Toward 3am I was exhausted, miserable, scared, and in the most pain I have ever experienced. Part of me feared that I would die. Another intense contraction struck, and at the end of it, hair plastered to my forehead, I groaned, "I'm losing it."

Barb's response was completely matter of fact. "You can't lose it," she said. "There's no where for you to go."

She was right. There was no leaving this task and going elsewhere, no giving up. Determination renewed, I buckled down and at 4:27 Erin was born.

Barb's words have stayed with me ever since.

Dan asked what my center felt about the upheaval and changes in my life, and when I look to the center, that is what I find. Barb's matter-of-fact voice telling me that I will get through it because there is no where else to go. There is no giving up, no throwing in the towel. I have to get through these things.

Questioning them is a waste of time, since not doing them isn't an option.

I think this is part of the reason I am a relatively strong person. Barb's words didn't change me so much as solidify a worldview. Though I might fall prey to tears and spend an evening now and then curled up in a fetal position, the reality is that I have no choice but to get through things. My choices have led me here, and I must proceed through to succeed.

Failure is not an option.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: danodea
2003-08-08 03:01 pm (UTC)
:) *hugs* :)
Learning to listen to one's center isn't always easy, and neither is facing tough times.
I like your determination, and I think you'll pull through just fine :)
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2003-08-08 04:53 pm (UTC)
Doesn't mean I won't whine and pout going in! ;-)

Your faith means a lot to me. Thank you.
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[User Picture]From: lothie
2003-08-08 05:35 pm (UTC)
Wow. I could have written this, almost. Yup, that explains things.
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[User Picture]From: juggernt
2003-08-08 08:36 pm (UTC)
Barlikat kil vog nothig dak .

Du kil andikar

Va kil du'un.
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[User Picture]From: juggernt
2003-08-08 08:39 pm (UTC)
And is it just me or could lothie = thetisra ???
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2003-08-09 08:53 pm (UTC)
I see what you mean -- interesting. I had not noticed before.
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[User Picture]From: zigurat
2003-08-11 07:23 am (UTC)
Wow. You sound like my wife, except she would probably never state it. She's the kind of person who never made a sound during labor. Things can really bother her, but she always faces them.

Our newest son was born at 4:27 on 4/27.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2003-08-11 11:16 am (UTC)
Congrats! You've surpassed basketball team and are working your way toward baseball!

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