are you seriously not considered full time with 12.5 hours? i was full time with nine hours while i was working on my MA. (of course, as an undergrad, i'd have needed at least twelve. but we're conspicuously not talking about undergraduate work, now, are we?)
[beats up gini's law school]
It's the night program, ergo "part time." Because it isn't enough hours to graduate in three years, which is "full time."
And very little sympathy for the working full time part, as well. Pity me!!!! [g]
I need to integrate this life with who I am and hold onto my sense of self in the midst of the real world.
That is the most beautiful thing I've read in a long, long time. Much support from afar.
Now, back to those damn Toxicology notes.
Wow, thank you. And here I thought I was just whining [g].
2004-03-31 09:15 pm (UTC)
remarkable is not achieved day-by-day.
ah, but it is, the real judge of how remarkably we lived is made by those who come after us,..just as a wall is built one brick upon another our legacy's are one day at a time,..o.o
2004-04-01 02:52 am (UTC)
Re: remarkable is not achieved day-by-day.
Yes, but it is remembering that the plain bricks are just as worthy and not despairing when they seem to come in unrelenting sequence. It's the remembering that something is being built. A matter of perspective that I have always struggled with in early spring.
You know, part of what makes you REMARKABLE (and yes, I believe you are!) is that you make the tough choices. Someone un-remarkable would actually run away. They would take the quick run and self-destruct all they had worked so hard to achieve.
Today in Georgia, it is also cold and misty and moody. I'm always amazed at how much power the weather has on my moods and thoughts! Blessings to you and please do remember to take more moments for yourself when you can.
Thanks for making me feel braver.
It's true about the weather. A sunny day almost always means I'm more cheerful, and a real storm is exhilerating. But gloom = gloom.
2004-03-31 09:55 pm (UTC)
became my hero when he said "I'd rather die while I'm living, then live while I'm dead." To me that means choosing to change, but not being afraid, while rain whips the windows outside Northern Kentucky of a time spent riding up the West Coast of Oregon and playing with the haystacks. Beauty like that enhances the soul no matter where we go.
2004-04-01 02:55 am (UTC)
Re: Jimmy Buffett
That's the sort of thought that haunts me, actually, when I am slogging toward a long-term goal. [g]
Having the memories to hold to does help, though.
What a thoughtful, beautiful entry.
Where is that opening poem from?
> I'm having trouble remembering who I am, or at least focusing on who I want to be.
I know this question is not worthy of a simple response to a comment, but... who do you want to be?
The opening lines are from a song by Greg Lake of Emerson, Lake and Palmer called "Closer to Believing."
Who do I want to be? That's a tough one, not because I am desparately far from those goals but because I am close and yet not quite there. The things I want different have less to do with personality and more to do with experience. I want, in short, everything. I want to travel, and I want to write novels and I want to read, and I want to give to the community, and I want time with good friends and great memories.
Next time I'm at the coast, I'll take a big, deep breath, and look extra hard at the ocean, and send as much of it back to you as I can (through my patented sending of mental "vibes" that I put so much stock in). Just so you'll know that Oregon is thinking of you, too. :-)
2004-03-31 11:52 pm (UTC)
Offer from a complete stranger
I live in Oregon if you ever need a place to run away and hide!
2004-04-01 03:00 am (UTC)
Re: Offer from a complete stranger
Actually, my stepmom is in Portland and my brother is in Vancouver, it's just that when I've gotten back there we simply haven't had time to go to the coast. [sigh]
I know the feeling. I look back on the path I have taken, and there are times that I weep for what I have lost because of the choices I have made. But I also look where I am... and rejoice that I have found someone that really does love me, and care for me, and want to be with me (enough so that the handfasting is in one month tomorrow, yeek!).
Hurrah for you! Life is a panoply of forks in the road, and it's hard not to wonder "what if" on occasion, but if you are happy then you have not chosen poorly.
I am absolutely horrible with "what if". My greatest curse is that I'm really good at seeing those life turning points in retrospect...
But yeah, focusing on the happy is pretty much the only real choice that you can always know is right.
I dont have much advice or even any hopeful words for you, Im sorry to say. What I DID want to say was that reading you has been a true joyful experience. Your thoughts are so well developed, deep, and touch me in places I didnt even realize were sore/happy/sad/funny until I read something you have to say.
Your insight into yourself is amazing. The way that insight makes me look into myself with new eyes is a gift I dont know that your even aware of giving.
So, thank you - I think you are unique and special and I value you.
Wow. Thank you. I am touched.
I always think of the fog as exotic and mysterious - I wander about thinking of intrigue and smoking cigarettes out of the corner of my mouth.
I think you comment intelligently about almost any topic.
I think you're just wonderful and in no danger of anything dying - it's just that there are X hours in the day, and X+2 things to do.
Mandlebrot was fond of saying, of his various careers, that he should not exist - the interesection of mathematics, meterology, and whatever else he studied should surely be the null set.
The thing that makes you (and your pudgy husband, but don't tell him I said this) great is that introspection - that refusal to accept who you are as compleat and full - and the use of it to find other areas where you fall short of who you want to be. And I'm wit dat.
But who you are is pretty darn good.
Obsessive belly button meditation done as high art. ;-)
I like your view of fog. So to speak. Thanks, Bro.
I know what you mean about fog being beautiful. As I've never lived anywhere that it's a common sight, it always strikes me when it appears. It somehow makes even the most mundane parts of my world seem a little magical...
As for the experience of being in graduate school and working and trying to hold onto yourself, that sounds entirely too familiar. I spent a lot of time trying to balance those things, and I didn't have kids in the mix to make it even more complicated. Having finished a bit over a year ago, I'm now in a similar process of finding which parts of me I still want to hold on to and what I'm ready to let go of. For me, at least, it was a worthwhile process as I learned a great deal about who I am, who I think I am, and who I really want to be. But it is definitely no fun at the time.