||[Feb. 20th, 2003|07:03 am]
At 3am I was in hysterics, hurting so bad that I couldn't control my shaking. I'd tried a night without the drugs, numbing myself with a couple stiff drinks before climbing into bed.
Not really terribly successful. At 3am, I was certain that I couldn't keep this up, that someting would have to give. At 3, I was ready to kill myself just to stop the pain.
Because I've been on pain meds for almost a month and a half now. And I've reached the end of the perscription of Percodan. And I'm terrified that the doc really won't give me more this time.
I am so not-100% at anything right now - not 100% at work, certainly not at school, physcially feel like I'm falling apart. I can't sleep, so I can't get up early enough to do a really good job studying.
I'm having serious doubts about making it through this semester.