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Former FEMA director Mike Brown is starting an emergency… - The Fucking Bluebird of Goddamn Happiness [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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[Nov. 25th, 2005|05:16 pm]
[Current Mood |cynicaldisgusted]

Former FEMA director Mike Brown is starting an emergency preparedness consulting business.

I could not make this up.

I mean, what's his agenda going to look like?

9am-11: Rolling up your sleeves - make sure it looks like you're working!

11am-noon: Making reservations for dinner when the phone lines are down - don't neglect your most important resource - yourself - in the midst of crisis!

Noon-2pm: Self-feeding in action and afternoon nap - a well-rested manager is a happy manager!

2pm-4pm: Making yourself available if needed - learn to instill mid-crisis confidence through the use of acknowledging phrases like, "anything I need to tweak here?"

4pm-5pm: Shifting blame - Q&A session about the advantages of quitting mid-crisis follows.

[User Picture]From: moropus
2005-11-25 10:33 pm (UTC)
Your schedule sound like one of those infomercials on how to make a million without even trying.

Don't leave out -- Memorizing your job description; an aid to passing the buck and making excuses.
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[User Picture]From: blairwitchgreen
2005-11-25 10:44 pm (UTC)
This is one of those "this has to be a joke, right?" moments of surreality... I suppose the only way he's going to get any business is quid pro quo from the crony network? "I'll scratch your back if you send some business Brownie's way..."

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[User Picture]From: ba1126
2005-11-25 11:10 pm (UTC)
Man, that requires a mountainload of Hutzpah!! I can hardly believe it!
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[User Picture]From: dhimahi
2005-11-25 11:27 pm (UTC)
Looks like I found this icon just in the nick of time... for I am well and truly speechless
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[User Picture]From: wholuvsya
2005-11-26 12:28 am (UTC)
what a funny entry...I seriously chuckled at it...what a putz !
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2005-11-26 01:53 am (UTC)
I can attest that your response almost made Ferrett spew milk into his brand new laptop!
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2005-12-09 02:49 am (UTC)
This comment just now officially appeared in my mailbox and made me laugh just as hard this time.
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[User Picture]From: suzieboz
2005-11-26 02:45 am (UTC)
As a writer I am ashamed to say that the words to describe this can not come to me.

I take it though that they will be an off shoot of Halliburton?
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2005-11-26 02:13 pm (UTC)
LOL! Somethng like that.
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[User Picture]From: cathawk
2005-11-26 06:06 am (UTC)
LOL...this guy has chutzpa--or he's just plain stupid.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2005-11-26 02:25 pm (UTC)
I think there is a measure of both. Clearly the stupid, though.
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From: ladytabitha
2005-11-26 02:52 pm (UTC)
Reminds me of this bit from Eddie Izzard's Dressed To Kill:
...if somebody kills someone, that's murder, you go to prison. You kill 10 people, you go to Texas, they hit you with a brick, that's what they do. 20 people, you go to a hospital, they look through a small window at you forever. And over that, we can't deal with it, you know? Someone's killed 100,000 people. We're almost going, "Well done! You killed 100,000 people? You must get up very early in the morning. I can't even get down the gym! Your diary must look odd: "Get up in the morning, death, death, death, death, death, death, death – lunch - death, death, death - afternoon tea - death, death, death - quick shower..."
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2005-11-26 03:14 pm (UTC)
It's depressingly true. If you're a small-time screw-up, you get fired. If you're a big-time screw-up, you get a few million dollars to go away.
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