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Tales of woe and intrigue - The Fucking Bluebird of Goddamn Happiness [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Zoethe

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Tales of woe and intrigue [May. 15th, 2007|09:14 am]
Zoethe
[Current Mood |amusedamused]

To really appreciate this story, you should go read this story first.

Our house has been one of recuperation since Ferrett had major dental surgery last Wednesday. The first day was spent cleaning up drooly spatters of blood and making sure that my poor hubby actually iced his face and got fluids into his system. Clenching blood-soaked gauze between his lips, he attempted to talk to me, and then to pantomime as I guessed - but his pantomime skills were badly disrupted by the Demerol still circulating through his system and even a "thumbs up" was delivered with such a wild gesture that I couldn't be certain that was what he meant.

Only one thing was clear. He would stop and look at me and say "Mm mmmm mmm."

And I would smile back at him and say, "I love you, too."

By the next day the bleeding was stopped and the gauze out of his mouth - a tremendous relief as my guessing skills were growing increasingly thin. He was in remarkably good spirits and considerably less pain than I had feared. By the third day, his speech was adapting well to the new configuration of his mouth.

Sometime mid-morning, he came out of the bathroom with a strange little grin. "You know," he said, "I think I may have been sexually assaulted while I was under the anesthesia."

I gaped at him. "What?"

He shrugged, with the gleeful sort of smile he gets when he knows he's being completely absurd. "No, not really, but it does happen."

"Why would you...?"

"Well, you see," he explained. "I read that people sometimes lose bladder control when they are under anesthesia, and I was really terrified of wetting myself. So when I was in the restroom I wadded up a bunch of bathroom tissues and stuck them down my pants so if I did it would absorb it. But when I came out that wad of tissues had disappeared, and I never did find them, and that's the most amusing explanation I can come up--why are you grinning?!"

I couldn't help myself. His version of events was so funny that I couldn't interrupt to explain to him that, as we were driving out of the dentist's parking lot, he had reached into his pants and started fishing around. I was terrified that he was going to pull Little Elvis out and make a scene there in the street, but instead he pulled out this wad of tissues. And grinned in triumph. And tried to explain its presence in his pants, but with a mouthful of gauze, I had no idea what the hell he was on about.

So, a mystery solved for the both of us. I now knew that he'd Macgyvered himself a Depends, and he knew that no one had been fondling the family jewels while he was unconscious.

And we both giggled.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: dharawal
2007-05-15 01:39 pm (UTC)
*giggle*

I shouldn't laugh, but really the mental imagery.

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[User Picture]From: lyssabard
2007-05-15 01:48 pm (UTC)
OMG.

*CACKLE*


That's just...the best.
Thank you. I needed that laugh.
(Not that I can explain to those at work why I am giggling and grinning like an idiot...)
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[User Picture]From: kalieris
2007-05-15 01:56 pm (UTC)
My boss thinks I was choking on some trail mix. Little does he suspect that I was really sporfling about Ferrett rooting around in his pants in public and the whole concept of a Macgyvered Depends...

Also: "Little Elvis" FTW.
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[User Picture]From: ysabel
2007-05-15 09:05 pm (UTC)
Also: "Little Elvis" FTW.

"She Made Me Name You Earl" still wins that particular one in my brain.
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[User Picture]From: kisekinotenshi
2007-05-15 02:43 pm (UTC)
My friends list has been twice as amusing since I friended both you and Ferrett, I laughed at both stories. XD
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2007-05-15 02:49 pm (UTC)
Everyone loves a good crossover. ;-)
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From: jer_
2007-05-15 03:00 pm (UTC)
See, and this is why you two are beyond awesome together... Personally, though, I'da let him wonder for a while first... but I'm kind of a jerk.. :)
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[User Picture]From: rintheamazing
2007-05-15 04:05 pm (UTC)
Same here
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2007-05-15 06:50 pm (UTC)
You overestimate my ability not to giggle.
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[User Picture]From: littlebuhnee
2007-05-15 03:40 pm (UTC)
*falls over laughing*
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[User Picture]From: ladyhawke_wings
2007-05-15 04:19 pm (UTC)
*dies of laughter*

Oh thank you, dear Gdess, for making my day! And for making my cubemates think I'm completely insane.... ;-)
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[User Picture]From: preitas
2007-05-15 05:18 pm (UTC)
HAHAHA That's so incredibly awesome! :D Hope he keeps recovering quickly
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[User Picture]From: ysabel
2007-05-15 09:04 pm (UTC)
There is something profoundly wrong about the phrase "MacGyvered himself a Depends".
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(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]From: cathawk
2007-05-16 03:07 am (UTC)
ROTFLMAO!!!
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