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Entertain me! [Oct. 2nd, 2007|11:47 am]
[Current Mood |curiouscurious]

I was up late last night, working until 1am or so. I flopped into bed next to a sleeping weasel, and was almost out when I heard a man's voice, a deep voice of radio-like quality, talking. I could barely hear it, that "edge of the senses" hearing where you can't be sure. I lifted my head to avail myself of two ears, and heard nothing. Laid back down and a few moments later heard it again. Lifted my head again.


I actually got out of bed to make sure no one had left a TV on, then climbed back in in silence.

Laid down. Heard voice.

I began questioning my sanity, but it stopped and I fell asleep.

Shortly before 7 it woke me up again. Same routine.

You will be relieved, dear readers, to know that I am not cracked. The mystery was solved when I took a tray of fresh apple crisp to our next door neighbors and heard that voice coming through the open window. R's son is here visiting from his job in the Middle East, and the reason I hadn't understood anything my resonate mystery voice said was that he was not speaking English.

I told you that story so I could tell you this story. While I was lying in the dark wondering about my continuing grip on reality, my mind drifted back to junior high school and the dumbest thing a teacher ever said to me. I was in Science, looking at a poster map of the moon, two flat circles, the light side and the dark side. The locations of the lunar landings were marked on it and I noticed that they all clustered around the center of the equator of the light side. The teacher walked by at that moment and I asked her, "Why do you suppose all the lunar landings have been here in the middle?"

She studied the map for a moment and said, in all seriousness, "Maybe they were afraid that if they got too close to the edge they'd miss it."

And then she walked away as I nodded. It was so dumb I actually had to stand there and process it. I really felt like I had half a heartbeat of enlightenment followed by, Wait a minute...!

So, what's the dumbest thing a teacher ever said to you?

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[User Picture]From: dougals
2007-10-02 04:19 pm (UTC)
I once had a science teacher (who was also a shop teacher, go figure) who want3ed every one of his students to take part in that year's science fair. When he asked me what i was working on, I gave a complete technobabble explanation of how I was working on something I had found in a book that had revolutionary engery production and propulsion possibilities. In short, I described (as best I could or could make up) the apaprent development of warp drive (complete with illustrations from the old Franz Josephs tech manual).

The shop/science teacher's response?

"Sounds cool. I look forward to seeing it."
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2007-10-02 04:22 pm (UTC)
I'm sure he (and many others) would have been quite thrilled if you'd finished the project.

What did you present?
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[User Picture]From: gypsydove
2007-10-02 04:20 pm (UTC)
really it wasn't to me.. but...

when my son was in the first grade, they were studying about Columbus (having Columbus Day coming up)... she told the class that Columbus was the first European to set foot in America. Well Iz man (in his most innocent way) told the teacher she was wrong. Leif Erickson was the one of the first Eurpoeans to set foot in the New World. Needless to say, this caused a ruckus.. the teacher then said "No I am sure Columbus was, Erikson didn't come unitl 1642...way after Columbus.."

So the next day, Iz man went to school with History books proving he was right.. and he did this all by himself.. we had nothing to do with it..

When I was in Jr High.. my history teacher was talking about the Revolutionary War.. she of course told the American side of the story.. me being part English, and part American knew both sides to the story and told her and the class the English side of things.. well She didn't say anything, but she did send me out of the class, and refused to let me come back until my parents went to the Principal about it.. grin..

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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2007-10-02 04:25 pm (UTC)
What, she thought Leif Erikson was a pilgrim?! That's hysterical.

And you know, I'm not sure I've ever heard the English side of the Revolutionary War....
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[User Picture]From: kmg_365
2007-10-02 04:25 pm (UTC)
I went to a private high school run by the Brothers of the Sacred Heart. My religion teacher told me that the phrase "an eye for eye, a tooth for a tooth" did not appear anywhere in the Bible.

Even after I brought in the biblical passages, he still wouldn't budge.
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[User Picture]From: 28bytes
2007-10-02 04:27 pm (UTC)
I had a history teacher in high school who knew nothing about history. He had lecture notes he would read us, but it was clear he didn't write them himself. They were often in the wrong order.

One day, he told us about a battle in which Shawnee warrior Tecumseh was killed. He then turned the page, and began telling us about the next battle, in which Tecumseh and his men were continuing to fight.

I raised my hand. "I thought you just said Tecumseh got killed in the last battle." He thought for a minute, studied the page he was on, flipped back to the previous page, studied it for a minute, thought some more, and replied, "It was a different Tecumseh." He then resumed his lecture.
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[User Picture]From: kmg_365
2007-10-02 04:29 pm (UTC)
I'd give the teacher kudos if his response was, "This is the zombie Tecumseh, and he had an unquenching hunger for brains."
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[User Picture]From: kathrynrose
2007-10-02 04:31 pm (UTC)
I had a history teacher in High School who told me there would be no women in heaven, and he could prove it in the Bible. So I handed him my Bible. (Yes, I was a Jesus freak in high school.) He turned to some passage in Revelations that said there were x minutes of silence in heaven. Then he closed the Bible and said, "Proof." I told him if that was the case he wouldn't be there either.

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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2007-10-02 08:01 pm (UTC)
What a jackass.
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[User Picture]From: roniliquidity
2007-10-02 04:36 pm (UTC)
It's not actually education related, but my second grade teacher told us that Santa was a tool of Satan because he took the holiday away from Jesus.

Then my third grade teacher told us when we die and go to heaven we won't remember anything about our lives on Earth. I asked her if that meant our parents won't recognize us and she said yes. That prompted a lot of crying around the room.

Strangely, my parents didn't pull me out of that private Baptist school until 5th grade.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2007-10-02 08:04 pm (UTC)
Santa is an anagram of Satan, you know! And look at the parallel between St. Nick and Old Nick!!!


People like that piss me off.
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[User Picture]From: mightydoll
2007-10-02 04:44 pm (UTC)
OAC History teacher (OAC=Ontario Academic Credits aka gd. 13 - university preparation courses - they're not offered anymore): London was the first city ever and was commissioned as a city by the king in (some year that I forget)

Me: The first city ever?

Her: Yes

Me (who knows enough by gd. 13 just to take notes and not argue with the teacher) ok, which king was that?

Her: (blankly) What?

Me: Which king?

Her: The king of England.

Me: so what you're telling me is that this won't be on the test.

Her: Well, no.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2007-10-02 08:06 pm (UTC)
Wow. That's WAY high on teh stoopid. You may be the winner.
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[User Picture]From: enderfem
2007-10-02 04:48 pm (UTC)
It was a delightfully awful well-known fact in my high school that the faculty sponsor of the Scholarsbowl team (Quiz Bowl, academic tournament, whatever) was not the brightest crayon in the box. She was, at times, unbelievably stupid. I didn't have as many amusing interactions with her as some of my other friends on the team, but I'll never forget one of the times we were doing practice rounds before school:

Teacher: What African country .....(I can't remember the exact question, and it isn't relevant)

Students: *silence*

Me, eventually just naming an African country: Uganda?

Teacher, with a patronizing tone: No, (enderfem), I said an AFRICAN country.

She moved on, but I sat staring and spluttering "but...but...." til my best friend patted me sympathetically and told me it wasn't worth it.

To this day I have no idea where she thinks Uganda is.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2007-10-02 08:07 pm (UTC)
They have no maps! That's why they can't find America!!!
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[User Picture]From: kisekinotenshi
2007-10-02 04:49 pm (UTC)
I don't know if it was the dumbest, but one of the most ridiculous things I remember a teacher telling me was on the last day of the school year, the first and last year I attended a public middle school. I was the favorite object of ridicule of pretty much everyone who knew I existed (at least that's how I remember it, we all know how memory plays tricks on us) and these boys were saying some really hurtful things to me, so I asked a nearby teacher to tell them to stop. Not to punish them, just to tell them off. She told me she couldn't do anything because it was the last day of school and thus she couldn't give them ISS (In School Suspension). *Facepalm*
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[User Picture]From: theinfamousmom
2007-10-02 06:00 pm (UTC)
Not quite true. I was a bad kid who Oh my gosh TALKED in class.

And I am, and remain, to my knowledge, the only kid who ever had to stay after school on the very last day.
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[User Picture]From: practicallyfame
2007-10-02 04:52 pm (UTC)
At one of my old colleges, I had a Humanities class that had a unit about Philosophy. We had to read one of Plato's dialogues, and I was chosen to lead the discussion in class about it. This was a required class for all majors, however, I happened to be a PoliSci/Philosophy double major. So this was pretty much my favourite thing in the world ("what is piety?").

I brought in supplemental materials, and led the class in a very Socratic fashion, asking questions, countering every answer with a question, and being very... well... non-substantial, but infinitely more interactive and interesting than any of the previous discussion leaders. The students loved it, we had a great time discussing Socratic philosophy through the use of it.

Afterwards the professor kept me after class. I expected congratulations for my success in getting these non-philosophy-majors interested in the subject. What I got from her was "that was very poorly done, you obviously took no time to bother to learn the material, and your dependence on the other students' answers to your questions made it obvious that you didn't bother to answer those questions for yourself. It's not fair to make the other students do the work."

My tactful response was "I was attempting to help them understand philosophy, by using the Socratic Method of questioning."

Her response?
"Philosophy has nothing to do with questions".
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[User Picture]From: clodia_risa
2007-10-02 05:00 pm (UTC)
I have facepalmed myself into next week. How did you not drop that course immediately?
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[User Picture]From: vrax
2007-10-02 04:53 pm (UTC)
Dumbest ever - "You can't learn without doing homework!".

She retired after dealing with me for that year.
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[User Picture]From: ravenofdreams
2007-10-02 06:09 pm (UTC)
I got one of those once. My response - I was a smart-ass sixth grader who'd just done Quite Well on the SAT's - "Oh? My test scores say otherwise."
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[User Picture]From: rev_tobias
2007-10-02 04:55 pm (UTC)
Not a stupid thing, but funny nevertheless: we had a chemistry teacher who was quite cool. One day, while he was mixing up some vile concoction to demonstrate I-don't-remember-what, a girl (who wasn't the brightest bulb in the chandelier) asked him - and we never found out what prompted her to ask - "can you drink that"? Whereupon said teacher, who had a rather dry humour, told her: "Sure. You can drink anything. The only question is: how often?"

Oh, and because I'm a dick, I have to point out that there is no dark side of the moon. Only a far side. :-p
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2007-10-02 08:17 pm (UTC)
Yes, but that was how the poster was labeled.
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[User Picture]From: hyrkanian
2007-10-02 05:06 pm (UTC)
I remember quite well the dumbest thing a teacher ever said to me...

My senior year of high school, I needed one last English class to graduate. I was thrilled when I saw that there was a class on science fiction offered! I signed up but the teacher was, shall we say, um... how to say it nicely? "Space cadet" comes to mind except that would probably be too nice.


The first short story we were assigned was "Helen O'Loy" by Lester del Rey. To start off the class discussion, the teacher wrote this word on the board:


She then proceeded to tell us that this was the term in science fiction stories for a creature or character that was part human and part robot. I sat there staring at the word, then staring at her, for almost five minutes I think. I couldn't believe she could be so stupid. I raised my hand and said, "This word, skyvorg... do you mean cyborg? As in, short for cybernetic organism?" She looked quite miffed and said something like, "Don't be silly, there's no such word as cyborg. Helen O'Loy is a skyvorg."

Yeah, it was a long painful semester.
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[User Picture]From: clodia_risa
2007-10-02 06:08 pm (UTC)
I had a high school history teacher who spelled marriage as "mirage". He was a coach, no surprise. But your stories beats that hands down.
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[User Picture]From: rain_herself
2007-10-02 05:13 pm (UTC)
After day one of Geometry in high school, and the little rundown about points and lines and planes, I asked the teacher, "All three of those are theoretical, right?" and he said yes.
"And all the other stuff we're going to learn is based on those?" "Yes."
"So you don't even know if any of this is true?"
"Well, you just have to have faith. Like God."
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[User Picture]From: kellirose1313
2007-10-02 05:47 pm (UTC)
Not necessarily dumb but hella inappropriate. I had a report in Psychology class due in 10th grade. The whole class had gone to the school library to research. My report was on serial killers vs. mass murders (people over time vs. taking out a whole building at once). However I could not find the news articles I was looking for. One of my favorite teachers was in the library so I asked him for help. He showed me where they were hiding and then grinned and told me "I wouldn't be surprised at all to find articles about you in there one day". He walked away before I could smart-ass ask for being serial or snapping one day. Once it sunk in my brain I was like "Damn, who says to a student I expect you to kill lots of people in the future"
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2007-10-02 08:27 pm (UTC)
Duuuude. That's messed up.
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