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A point of clarification - The Fucking Bluebird of Goddamn Happiness Page 3 [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Zoethe

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A point of clarification [Jun. 6th, 2009|12:31 pm]
Zoethe
The shit-flipping that I did last night? That was completely *my* shit-flipping. It was what upset *me*. Ferrett's reasons for deleting his journal were not my reasons for flipping out.

Here are his reasons, from him:

I really didn't want to do this, but I'm making one brief announcement here.

I'm not upset by people who stay on the attack. In the incident in
question, which I really would have preferred not to be blown up into
something bigger than it was, the issue was not the folks who were angry
enough to shut down dialogues. (And they weren't particularly bad, either,
mostly civil.)

I was upset by the people I cared about who were hurt.

The issue is that I'm tired of making posts that say the exact opposite of
what I feel. I'm tired of hurting people who don't deserve it. I'm tired
of saying things which, due to poor wording or misguided humor or whatever
other numerous flaws I have, manage to keep kicking good, wonderful people
in the heart.

Over the past sixteen months, I've been dealing with the increasing feeling
that my journal is just a place that serves to make me look like a fool,
foster opinions I don't stand behind, and injure people. I'm starting to
hurt every time I hit the "post" button, wondering what asshole thing I'll
missay this time. And just when I think I'm okay, I screw up again.

My goal is, and has always been, to promote harmony, peace, love,
acceptance, and tolerance. I just wish I could do better at that. And I'm
sorry that I don't.
LinkReply

Comments:
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[User Picture]From: fallconsmate
2009-06-06 07:25 pm (UTC)
I'm horrified that someone hurt Ferret, of all people!! I wish he would reconside, although I totally undestand if he doesn't. I've enjoyed his writing very much, and please pass along my concern (as a squee-ing fangirl) and continued well wishes for both of y'all.
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[User Picture]From: t_bellwether
2009-06-06 07:38 pm (UTC)
Zoethe, Gini, thanks for getting angry. I think it's totally appropriate.

Both of you: I grew up reading your journals. I started when I was thirteen or fourteen and found Ferrett's journal via his purity test (which, over the course of 9 years or so, have significantly changed the score of lol.) I'm 23 years old now.

You and Ferrett both have a real touch with language, and with writing on human relationships and love. You have very astute observations... you say true things.

In many ways, watching you two interact with each other and the world via essay really informed my budding sexuality and emotional maturity. In fact, y'all have written some of the truest, most pivotal essays on human sexuality that I've ever read.

Your thoughts on love, relationships, emotional maturity, and emotional responsibility have been incredibly valuable to me. I learned so much from you two. When I made my inevitable mistakes, I actually had some coping skills. Things I learned have been critical in saving and maintaining my current successful long term relationship.


Ferrett, thank you. You've brought peace, harmony, & love into my life, as well as the incredibly valuable gift of critical thinking. Especially critical thinking around emotions, motivations, and the art & science of perspective-- You have a real gift. (Ever read Robert Anton Wilson?) I learned from you. It made a difference in my life.

Reading your essays helped me get through some very dark &tangled forests in my heart. Your light is like a will o'wisp leading me out of the marshes. You write from the heart, and something about that reaches across the void I was in & tells me that everything might not be so big-bad-wolf after all. You (& your wife, and the lovely Muse-poetry of your relationship with her,) was key in coming out the other side of many passionate angers & fears.


Gini, thank you, too. Your strength, discipline, love, & astuteness are incredibly valuable to me. You've been a role-model to me (lol like it or not it happens), and I feel like I've learned a lot from you, too. I am glad you are still on the Web. You are also very gifted, and have enormous spirit & strength. I treasure your hard won gifts of dealing well & lovingly with emotions, with perspectives, with high tides & forest fires. I really respect you, and I don't say that too often. I'd be a different person without your touch in my life. Rock on.

Whatever you two (& your extended family) do next is up to you. I wish y'all a torch in the darkness of transition, & I believe the outcome will be beautiful. Blessings :)
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-06-06 08:16 pm (UTC)
Wow. I am touched and humbled. Thank you.
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[User Picture]From: naamah_darling
2009-06-06 07:44 pm (UTC)
Ferrett:

I think you made a misstep, and I also think you reacted appropriately to that misstep by stepping back and regrouping. I think that was admirable and civilized and the right thing to do.

I think that the people who got angry had things to be angry about, such as part of a pattern of behavior on the part of our culture as a whole. I understand that. God, do I ever undestand that. I also fully understand that the offense you gave was accidental, and that hurting people by accident really sucks -- for you AND them.

I also think that it's a damn shame, the whole thing. Not laying blame on you or on them, I just mean that it's awful it happened. Again, I can't speak for anyone else. But I know that you mean well, and I trust you. And I'm really sorry that other people can't see and trust you like that.

I wish I could help. I wish there was more I could say. I don't think you're a screwup. I will be sorry if you decide to stay gone. I value what you have to say.

I am babbling. But I care. About both of you.
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[User Picture]From: rocketman574
2009-06-06 07:51 pm (UTC)
Ferrett deleted his LJ?

Damn.

He was one of the few reasons I keep up with my LJ anymore.

I've read him for 3 years, so I understand that he wouldn't delete it without a real good reason, but I would've expected a "I'm deleting my LJ post and this is why" post from him before actually deleting it.

At any rate, please pass my thanks on to him for the years of entertaining reading, and I wish both of you the best of luck in the future.
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From: tempter
2009-06-06 08:02 pm (UTC)
Yeah, same here. Ferrett is one of the only reasons I'm still on LJ.
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[User Picture]From: norda
2009-06-06 07:52 pm (UTC)
Adding my voice to the chorus of "no clue what happened", since I've been largely offline since May 26th.

Nevertheless, I too am one who will fiercely defend my loved ones, and understand you being angry *for* Ferrett, because of how hurt he's been by whatever went down.

I also have an inkling of how unhappy he is, because I go through this SAD every spring and because he is not one to inflict pain casually or intentionally.

?Thinking of you both.
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From: tempter
2009-06-06 08:07 pm (UTC)
Ferrett:

I know it's easy to demonize yourself after upsetting people you care about.

I respect your decision to leave. But you should know that you do far more good than harm when you write, and the internet will be a less happy place with your absence.
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[User Picture]From: lostfactor
2009-06-06 08:14 pm (UTC)
I'm very sorry to hear it. His posts have always been entertaining, insightful, and very frequently massively helpful as I try and overcome my own personal issues - many of which are not so dissimilar from those I know he himself has struggled with. I found much of what he wrote interesting enough to head back through to the beginning of his journal and read from day one to the present, and I'm glad I did so.

Now more than ever, in fact.

I'm sorry that the teaming masses of the Internet finally forced him off. But I hope both of you continue to do well in your lives - which might sound corny from someone who has never met either of you, but the sentiment is the same.
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[User Picture]From: dayzdark
2009-06-06 08:16 pm (UTC)
I've been reading Ferrett's LJ for seven or eight years, now. His is easily the blog I quote the most often. Did every post fascinate me? Of course not. But so many of his stories and essays were incredible. He is at once thoughtful and humorous, irreverent and profound. He really has a gift for writing.

If he is burned out on LJ, I would beg him to find some way of making those beautiful essays available - whether as a collection on a web site or in some other form. I feel like one of my favorite authors has disappeared, and all the copies of his books vanished with him. I want to share him with people, but there is nothing out there I can show them. Losing Ferrett's voice on my friends list is a sad occasion, but losing all those frank, funny, and touching entries is a tragedy.
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[User Picture]From: fitfool
2009-06-06 09:03 pm (UTC)
I did wonder if he would collect those posts and publish them. I'm kicking myself for not saving a copy of my favorite posts of his. It just hadn't occurred to me that he would ever delete his journal.
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[User Picture]From: troutwaxer
2009-06-06 08:27 pm (UTC)
Ferrett, on your journal you do the most important thing anyone can do to promote harmony, peace, love,
acceptance, and tolerance.

What, you may be asking, in your moment of doubt, is this mighty thing you do? You are human - in public, with everyone watching, and you do it with total honesty. Your readers fail with you, and they succeed with you, and they learn together just how hard it is to be harmonious, peaceful, loving, accepting, and tolerant, and how important it is to honor those qualities in yourself and others.

For God's sake, please don't stop.

In my religion we recognize the power to fail. Naturally, this idea can be interpreted on many levels, but if you have been a failure, (and believe me, you haven't) you are the very Buddha of failure, the mighty Jesus of not-succeeding, and the world needs you to do what you do best. Be a human being. In public. With total honesty.

T.
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From: simulated_knave
2009-06-06 08:53 pm (UTC)
This right here is wisdom.
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From: thetisra
2009-06-06 08:34 pm (UTC)
I'd also like to add my respect for Ferrett's decision (although I missed what happened to cause it).

I know at this time you're unlikely to change your mind, but I'll agree with others here: Pretty please make the archives available again? I think we're all feeling kind of shocked and bereft.

Gini, Ferrett... I have this advice:

Be courteous, kind and forgiving,
Be gentle and peaceful each day,
Be warm and human and grateful,
And have a good thing to say.

Be thoughtful and trustful and childlike,
Be witty and happy and wise,
Be honest and love all your neighbors,
Be obsequious, purple, and clairvoyant.

Be pompous, obese, and eat cactus,
Be dull, and boring, and omnipresent,
Criticize things you don't know about,
Be oblong and have your knees removed.

Be tasteless, rude, and offensive,
Live in a swamp and be three dimensional,
Put a live chicken in your underwear,
Get all excited and go to a yawning festival.
--Steve Martin
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-06-06 08:39 pm (UTC)
Hee!!! I'm singing along!!!!
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[User Picture]From: firerose10
2009-06-06 08:56 pm (UTC)
From another blog I read - The Wild Hunt (a pagan news and information blog)... This sums up Ferretts posts pretty well for me. Emphasis is mine, but it is true nonetheless

However, I do agree that merely ranting every day isn’t that sustainable, that’s why most of the really successful blogs don’t simply climb up on soap-boxes and howl into the digital void. They share wonderful things, talk about books, promote music they love, provide you tips and tricks to an easier life, and discuss feminist issues. Heck there are even Pagan blogs who manage to find news items to share every day.

I have another comment I intend to make, but I need to finish composing my thoughts, so it is not just a rambling mess..... So you will hear more from me later!
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[User Picture]From: fitfool
2009-06-06 09:01 pm (UTC)
I've been away from LJ and had only started poking around again recently. I'm really sorry to see that theferrett's journal is gone. I can't even remember all of the posts I've read out loud to others over the years because I've been so struck by his point of view. I had some of them bookmarked and I'm saddened that I won't be able to revisit those entries. I wish him the best and selfishly hope he'll return to LJ some day.
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[User Picture]From: kenp_v3
2009-06-06 09:25 pm (UTC)
Well this is a shame. Reading an occasional humorous and/or thought provoking LJ entry by The Ferrett was one of the things that have kept me from deleting my account. Because I really don't use it for much other than keeping up with what is going on with you guys (by "you guys" I mean the old Compuserve Star Wars gang). And now most of you guys are on facebook now anyway, which makes me question why I need LJ anymore.

I'll admit that I mostly skipped over Ferrett's porn (and related) posts, because those were the least interesting to me. So I missed whatever set this off. I still find it sad that he's felt the need to delete his account. But if it brings him peace of mind, than I guess I can't blame him.
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[User Picture]From: kenp_v3
2009-06-06 09:36 pm (UTC)
And he's back. Just as I posted this. The Live Journal account stays open.
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[User Picture]From: demiurgent
2009-06-06 09:51 pm (UTC)
I've been without my normal computer access for some time. I'm sorry that all this happened to you guys. You have nothing but my support.
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[User Picture]From: littlebuhnee
2009-06-06 11:00 pm (UTC)
Well, now I feel dumb for emailing my support. *sigh*

(Meaning that I'm embarrassed for assuming incorrectly.)

Edited at 2009-06-06 11:09 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-06-07 02:22 am (UTC)
No, not at all dumb for mailing support. It was all very much appreciated by both of us. Hugs, dear.
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