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A point of clarification [Jun. 6th, 2009|12:31 pm]
The shit-flipping that I did last night? That was completely *my* shit-flipping. It was what upset *me*. Ferrett's reasons for deleting his journal were not my reasons for flipping out.

Here are his reasons, from him:

I really didn't want to do this, but I'm making one brief announcement here.

I'm not upset by people who stay on the attack. In the incident in
question, which I really would have preferred not to be blown up into
something bigger than it was, the issue was not the folks who were angry
enough to shut down dialogues. (And they weren't particularly bad, either,
mostly civil.)

I was upset by the people I cared about who were hurt.

The issue is that I'm tired of making posts that say the exact opposite of
what I feel. I'm tired of hurting people who don't deserve it. I'm tired
of saying things which, due to poor wording or misguided humor or whatever
other numerous flaws I have, manage to keep kicking good, wonderful people
in the heart.

Over the past sixteen months, I've been dealing with the increasing feeling
that my journal is just a place that serves to make me look like a fool,
foster opinions I don't stand behind, and injure people. I'm starting to
hurt every time I hit the "post" button, wondering what asshole thing I'll
missay this time. And just when I think I'm okay, I screw up again.

My goal is, and has always been, to promote harmony, peace, love,
acceptance, and tolerance. I just wish I could do better at that. And I'm
sorry that I don't.

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[User Picture]From: bart_calendar
2009-06-06 11:33 pm (UTC)
Since Ferrett won't allow comments on his own journal at this point, I'll say this here.

Dear Ferrett,

What you are going through is that you are becoming a better writer than you were before. And, you know what, when you become a better writer you generate more emotions in your readers. And, yes, some of those emotions will be positive and life affirming and some of them will be negative.

But, here's the thing, both reactions reflect well on you as a writer. If your writing promotes "harmony, peace, love,
acceptance, and tolerance" then it's shitty writing.

The entire point of writing is to make people think and challenge them. And to provoke them into challenging you and making you think.

Everyone who is a fellow writer has noticed how much your writing has grown and developed over the past year or so. Have you had setbacks? Yes. But we all do.

Look man, I'm 40 years old and I've never done anything to make a living other than write since I was 18 years old. (I know this probably sounds insane given what a typo boy I am during comments, but it's the truth.) What this means is I know what writing is good and marketable and what writing sucks and isn't.

I also know what writing is created by laziness because as a writer you want to write but are afraid of hurting people so you go for the easy shit.

When I'm in that mood, I write polls about rock shit or ramble about Guitar Hero. When you are in that mood you write relationship advice.

No offense, but I suck at writing about rock shit and you suck about writing relationship advice. But, we are both writers and need to write stuff we suck at writing about - because it helps us write the stuff we are good at writing about.

That said, when you write about the stuff you are good at writing about, you fucking shine. And, you are getting better and better every week.

I don't know if it was Clairion that did it or if you just finally touched your inner grove, but you are doing it.

That's why you are wondering what asshole thing you might say when you hit post. Because your words are becoming powerful because they are becoming better. Which is also why when you chose the wrong words it hurts you more now than it would have two years ago.

At this point you have real writing talent. You also have a lot of creative energy. The only thing you lack is confidence and the willingness to be a son of a bitch.

No offense, but no writer has made it by being a nice guy. You need to be a bit of an overconfident asshole.

So, my advice is to say "fuck you world" and write what you want to write, every single day of your life. Some days people will call you a shithead. Some days people will call you a god. But none of that matters. The only thing that matters is that you write.

You have a gift. Fucking use it and tell anyone who gives you shit to fuck off.


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[User Picture]From: mamculuna
2009-06-07 12:52 am (UTC)
Please tell Ferret we'll miss him until he comes back. We all screw up, and at least he's honest enough to face it.

Love to both.
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[User Picture]From: kalieris
2009-06-07 01:00 am (UTC)
I'll miss his posting, but I understand really well the need to step back sometimes when something that used to be satisfying to do ends up feeling painful to do.
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[User Picture]From: poptart_mini
2009-06-07 01:01 am (UTC)
Hey Gini, when Ferrett is up to it, tell him that damn near everyone I've met who's read his posts enjoys them. And that if he's really going to ignore LJ from now on, that we'll understand, but that we'll all also be very sad.
Again, only when he's up to it.
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[User Picture]From: dawn_guy
2009-06-07 02:07 am (UTC)
My entirely arbitrary, overly simplified reading of the explanation is: "I've had it with the pain involved in learning and improving. I am giving up at least for now."

Since I didn't read any part of the apparent shitstorm that precipitated the journal deletion, I am missing a possibly large part of the context. With the account in the state it's in, there is no reliable way for me to view that context. The lack of remaining context is part of why people who delete their journals tend to be considered drama queens.
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[User Picture]From: theferrett
2009-06-07 03:46 am (UTC)
And honestly? Can't debate that at all.
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[User Picture]From: ccr1138
2009-06-07 02:41 am (UTC)
Good to know. Maybe Ferrett needs a beta reader ...
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[User Picture]From: dpadoftao
2009-06-07 03:10 am (UTC)
I've lurked on theferrett's journal for many years now, and from his posts and the comments that often result from them, I often learn a lot about human nature, looking at issues from different perspectives, and how to handle arguments, that I probably wouldn't have otherwise.
I've always appreciated his honesty -or what I felt was his honesty-, his writing style, and his topics -he has always struck me as being open about what he actually thought, with-out being rude or ill-thought, and I've always admired that. It's been great for me to be able to, at least to a degree, honestly see into anothers' mind, in the sense that it opens my mind; but I also admire the strength it takes for him to write that way. I don't write that way, not by a long shot, and as a result I'll never know if I could perhaps open others minds' as mine has been opened.

I haven't commented before, due to the the larger audience of his journal compared to mine (10 or so), and my preference to not receive a lot of attention, but I feel it may be beneficial to add my thoughts :)
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[User Picture]From: yndy
2009-06-07 04:53 am (UTC)
Livejournal, in that it creates such deeper bonds than non-networked blogging communities, has often struck me as 'more prone to implosion' than the standard "hey I've got a wordpress blog!"

I think, it mostly arises from the nature of the bonds formed here that don't elsewhere. Unforunately, those bonds are close like family - and boy does family hurt when they hurt.

He'll find hid voice again - when he needs it and how.
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[User Picture]From: mindrot
2009-06-07 05:36 am (UTC)
I don't know how to say it without sounding silly, but: I've been going through some rough stuff recently, and ferrett's posts have helped me very greatly to find a new perspective and look for greater understanding. Pass on a thank-you, please.

Even through the emotionless words of internet posts it's obvious how much you care for him, hurt when he hurts, etc. It's very heartwarming, even in shitty times like this.

The best to you both.
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[User Picture]From: roaming
2009-06-07 06:27 am (UTC)
Well, it doesn't look like what he's describing from this angle. Not half as dire , or as bad, or as flawed. Sometimes, maybe. Gee, Ferrett's human and imperfect like the rest of us. Makes everyone like him more, actually, and feel like we're somehow all in "this" together.

But you know, it's his feelings, and he should go by what his gut is telling him. Hopefully, he'll work it out so he feels okay about whatever he does or doesn't do vis-a-vis LJ.

Meanwhile, we'll miss him.
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[User Picture]From: lunabird
2009-06-07 09:19 am (UTC)
Leaving a comment here, as I can be a bit shy over sending emails to people who don't know me from Adam. I'm a reader of Ferrett's journal, been a reader for a long time and I just wanted to say this:

I missed whatever psychodramafest went down. All I know is that Ferrett is one of my favorite bloggers. The essays he's composed have been invaluable to me, and have helped me articulate things to my partner that I wouldn't otherwise have words for. One essay in particular, one on you and your partner having different 'languages' for saying 'I love you' (IE: For one person it's having the dishes done, for another it's phrasing something a certain way. ) and having to adapt and learn to speak your partner's 'language' while they speak yours.

The essays have made me think, and, I think they've helped me figure out some of that tumultuous period of Young Adulthood. I just finished college, I eloped with my partner, while struggling with parents (and now in-laws!), anxiety and depression -- I'm just beginning to figure out life, and, I like hearing the advice of someone who's Been There And Done That. I don't always agree with what I see, and, as with reading anyone's life advice one has to take it with a grain of salt since their life is different from your own, and has taken a different path. But, the thoughts, particularly on love, and making relationships work, mean a lot to me as an inexperienced youngun.

As a fellow mental-disorder-battler I wish Ferrett the best in his struggles with that. I. Er. Hope I haven't committed some sort of faux pas here, as this is Gini's journal and all... But. Uh. Wanted to make the supportive thoughts known.

Le scurry off.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-06-07 03:38 pm (UTC)
Never a faux pas to say nice things about my wonderful hubby in my journal. Thank you.
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[User Picture]From: enchanted_eve
2009-06-07 02:37 pm (UTC)
I am one voice among many who will miss reading The Ferret almost as much as I miss HOTS (which it tons, I still re-read the whole think like a book on occasion, which is how I found The Ferret's journal for new reading). Most writers get haters so The Ferret is going to have to accept that this will be part of the career he has chosen as a professional writer. While I didn't read this 'offensive' post, I can only imagine that it showed insite into The Ferret's current understanding that may have needed education which he got in a horrible way. I hope he calms down, understands that there are people that will never be happy with the world and come back to those of us (a huge list from what I can see) that enjoy reading him.
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[User Picture]From: bellbookcandle
2009-06-07 05:26 pm (UTC)
**Long time lurker temporarily de-lurked**

I often stop by to read you and also theferrett. Missed the drama. Will miss reading his memoirs and also about his experiences at the writing workshop. Found them inspiring.

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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-06-08 01:37 am (UTC)
His journal is back, though he may not write for a while. Thanks.
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[User Picture]From: alumiere
2009-06-07 09:43 pm (UTC)
i obviously missed a bunch of storm here, and i know i'm just another voice among many

but i'm sorry that i won't get to see theferrett's posts any more, and i'm equally sorry that you're having to deal with so much fallout zoethe

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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-06-08 02:04 am (UTC)
He's put his journal back up, but isn't writing for a while.
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From: (Anonymous)
2009-06-09 01:41 am (UTC)


You know I'm a lurker...And I'm alittle slow on the...what's the word...uptake?

What happened? I've missed something.

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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2009-06-09 03:28 am (UTC)

Re: Whoa!

It's over and not worth going into. We're all surviving. Hugs, hon.
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