?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Tuesday. How can we feel like I'm running out of time... - The Fucking Bluebird of Goddamn Happiness [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Zoethe

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

Tuesday. How can we feel like I'm running out of time... [Jul. 27th, 2010|10:50 am]
Zoethe
[Tags|]

...and yet completely done in?

So, while waiting for my massage - gotta be ready for Harry Potter tomorrow! - let me tell you about yesterday's averted disaster.

Yesterday was Epcot, and a fairly late start. Ferrett and I were on our own because we decided that rather than eat cafeteria food here at the hotel we would have our lunch at Epcot. We are on the Disney dining plan, which in mice but a bit confusing, so when we got to Norway and I asked if the restaurant counted toward the daily counter service or the sit down and it counted toward the latter, I rejected it. To Ferrett's great consternation because he felt like I was making all the decisions and treating him like a child. I got upset because I felt like he'd scolded me the night before for not explaining the snack part of the meal plan and now he was yelling at me for trying to explain the counter service part.

Essentially, we were talking past each other and each feeling like the other wasn't listening. Plus we were hot and our feet already hurt and we were both hungry: powderkeg central.

I could feel shouting and tears coming on. So I turned and walked away three paces just to get myself under control. Ferrett thought I was storming off, so he turned the other way and walked about 10 feet.

But then he stopped. And I came back. And we both apologized those stiff, "I don't think I was wrong, but I'm sorry we are miscommunicating" apologies that at least let you start talking. And we found someplace cool to sit down, get food, and actually talk about what happened. By the time lunch was over, we were tender with each other. A few minutes back to regular activity and all was fine.

There's a lesson in this. Sometimes you can both be right for different reasons, and both be wrong because you aren't communicating. From there, it's easy to turn it all into trench warfare. We could have stormed off in different directions and spent a miserable day separately outraged. Instead, we resolved it in less than 15 minutes.

It's hard, because you have to swallow your pride enough to hear the other person. But man was it worth it. We had a great day.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

LinkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: inaurolillium
2010-07-27 03:05 pm (UTC)
Yeah, almost any trip to Disney includes one really nasty row, I'm afraid. Everybody gets tired and overstimulated, and something blows up. You handled it well. Last time I went, a friend and I wound up fighting from the time we got up until lunch on our second day.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2010-07-27 05:29 pm (UTC)
Neither of us has any fondness for fighting and I think that helps. Our biggest concern is always the happiness of the other.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: heathrow
2010-07-27 05:44 pm (UTC)
It's very true. It's overstimulating and so crowded. My husband and I had one on our last day of Disney (the 5th day). I ended up having to take our two small children on a train ride around the Magic Kingdom to give us each some space to cool off. The kids and I got to see some different views of the park, he got to relax and sit for a bit, and everyone was much better off!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2010-07-27 06:47 pm (UTC)
Fortunately we didn't need that much space. But taking a day off to rest and have massages before a park evening has been a Very Good Thing today.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: heathrow
2010-07-27 06:52 pm (UTC)
We rarely fight like that, but it was the navigational challenge of keeping two small kids (4 and 6) happy, fed, and alive while trying to keep ourselves in that same realm. ;)

I'm glad you two are well. How were the massages?
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2010-07-27 08:01 pm (UTC)
The massages were AMAZING. And then I had a wonderful nap, and now we are heading for the Hoopdeedo Review. Then late night Magic Kingdom.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: cinema_babe
2010-07-27 03:17 pm (UTC)
This is excellent advice. When I used to train customer service reps one of the things I taught them was that it's important to apologize, it short circuits conflict and makes the other party more receptive to resolving things.

Inevitability, someone would always ask me, "How can I apologize if the customer is wrong?" And my response was that they if they have nothing else, they can apologize for someone's inconvenience or a miscommunication.

Nice to see that my advice wasn't so bad.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2010-07-27 05:27 pm (UTC)
It's tough when you know you weren't really wrong, just misunderstood. It's easy to get self-righteous.

It's just not very productive.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: cathubodva
2010-07-27 06:58 pm (UTC)
I spent a year as a customer service rep and I think my mantra was "I'm sorry for the inconvenience and I understand that you're frustrated."
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: phillipalden
2010-07-27 05:00 pm (UTC)
I couldn't agree more.

Sometimes you have to back down to allow fresh air to enter the scene, then you can come back and really talk.

Your post is a great example of talk and compromise.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2010-07-27 05:14 pm (UTC)
It's not always easy, but it does make life much happier.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: jfargo
2010-07-27 05:11 pm (UTC)
When Maria and I went to Disney for the first time we did almost exactly the same thing, but two days in a row. We decided that the best thing to do was around noon to head back to our room, take a dip in the pool, maybe take a nap and just relax for an hour or two.

Once we started doing that our days got infinitely better. We just needed to get out of the heat and we'd become civil again. If we started snapping at each other our apology was very often "Sorry, it might be past our nap time." It always was.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2010-07-27 05:22 pm (UTC)
Our day started so late that heading back would not have made sense. Today we are enjoying the hotel before dinner and evening in the park.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: mplsindygirl
2010-07-27 05:16 pm (UTC)
:) I love these life lessons that demonstrate how well communication works.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2010-07-27 05:24 pm (UTC)
I think it's good to recognize that everyone has their moments and people really are doing their best most of the time.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
From: (Anonymous)
2010-07-27 06:17 pm (UTC)
And sometimes it's really just that you both need to eat. BTDT.

Also, great typo that the Disney meal plan is "in mice."

-Alex
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2010-07-27 06:44 pm (UTC)
Hey, I think people should be impressed that I'm writing these longer entries with only my iPhone! ;-)
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
From: (Anonymous)
2010-07-27 07:08 pm (UTC)
I didn't want to jinx anything, but now that you mention it I am quite impressed at how long-form you are writing on portable equipment.

-Alex
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2010-07-27 07:56 pm (UTC)
Thanks!
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
From: (Anonymous)
2010-07-27 09:34 pm (UTC)
Just don't sprain your thumbs while you're paying so much attention to your feet. :-)

-Alex
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2010-07-27 11:19 pm (UTC)
I didn't even get out the phone during Hoopdeedo. Four sangrias and a long island later, I'm kind of ... happy.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: walkertxkitty
2010-07-27 06:26 pm (UTC)
It's how functional married couples --- or any sort of partner really --- work. Mr. Shapeshifter and I have an argument agreement. We each step away and relax for a designated period. After that, we come back to talk. Sometimes we need to do this several times before the talk part happens, but so be it. It makes outings so much more pleasurable to be able to do that instead of both sulking through it.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2010-07-27 06:41 pm (UTC)
It's how things should work. They don't always. I've seen couples where winning was more important than resolving the issue.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: theferrett
2010-07-29 01:43 am (UTC)
We're both ridiculously concerned with winning. It's just that we tally scores as a team.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2010-07-29 01:45 am (UTC)
Good point. Damn, I love you.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: cyan_blue
2010-07-28 02:35 am (UTC)
Go you two :)
(Reply) (Thread)