That poor mama. I hope my kids never do this to me!!
I don't even have kids and I can't imagine how scary this must be. I wish I had people on any of lists who were in that area. As many eyes and possible and all that jazz.
The thing that amazes me are the people who have posted to liminalia
's journal telling her to calm down and just let the girl go. I really wanted to punch some of those people in the nose. They don't know the circumstances of her leaving or anything about the people she left with.
How dare they invalidate a mother's concern for her child's well being.
While 16 is not 12, it still is not an adult; (IIRC, their brains are not able to weigh consequences the way an adult brain is). Taking off for parts unknown with people who aren't known to your parents is rarely a good idea.
I'm keeping them both in my thoughts and prayers.
Strictly on the neuro side, there is an awful lot of individual variation.
On the personal side, I moved out on my own when I was fifteen, had very good reasons for doing so and was in a much healthier environment than I had been at home. And kind of horrifyingly responsible. Which is not to imply in the least that this is the general case - my family was fairly far on the godawful side, and I'd started college at thirteen for crying out loud.
I get where you're coming from; I was pretty much self supporting and on my own from the time I was 14 (although I lived at "home" until I was 17). People like you and I are unique, atypical in the context of 20th/21st western Century society.
Sometime in the past year I read something that discussed why teens are more prone to engaging in high risk behaviors and tied it directly back to an area of the brain that doesn't fully develop until a person is around 25ish.
nd while there is variation, a 16 or even an 18 year old will not have to the full capacity to weigh risks in the same way that a 27 year old is. Not that they *can't* weigh risks and make sound choices, but they actually aren't *able* to do so to the extent that a 23 or 25 year old can.
My heart goes out to this girl and her family.
A lot of the popular accounts often over-emphasize certain parts of the findings. While this isn't precisely my area (I'm working on a doctorate in neurobiology, and was funded through and did much of my training in the neuroscience department) what I've read of the literature suggests that individual variation is very high, and that some of the more publicized accounts have been overstated in the popular press - the reality is at least more complex, and variation between individuals is very high.
For instance (somewhat randomly pulled off of pubmed): http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20816768http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20175097http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20053017
(This one I think is particularly interesting because they found a difference, but the difference is one of strategy rather than risk taking per se.)
I'm pretty willing to take liminalia
's word that she's pretty young and doesn't have the experience to cope with this kind of situation. (I only know bifemmefatale from LJ, but my experience of her has certainly been uniformly quite positive.) I just don't like how a lot of the neuroscience gets played in the popular press.
There are certainly kids who move out early, but communication is still something that a mother understandably wants.
In the generic case, I agree. In this case I agree more strongly.
In my own case... it's hard not to wince, because a lot of the reason I moved out was that my mother was actively putting me at risk. While I did stay in touch, it was a long time before she got my address, because I could not trust her with it. And if things had gone just a bit differently, I might have cut ties more completely, for my own protection. (As I said above, all of my experiences of bifemmefatale have been quite positive. While I don't know her as a mother, I have no reason to believe she's anything other than an excellent one.)
That's definitely a difficult situation.
2010-09-08 07:47 pm (UTC)
The thing that amazes me are the people who have posted to [info]bifemmefatale's journal telling her to calm down and just let the girl go.
Holy shit. I'm not a parent, but I know if that was my kid, I'd be going out of my mind with worry. I hope she gets home safe and soon. I also hope she learns how much her parents love her.
I know - it's an age where, okay, some kids do live on their own. But not knowing where your kids are at all is a terrible way to live. Even if the girl just gets in touch with her mom and stays in touch, it would be better than this.
I live in Illinois, but I'm in the south suburbs of Chicago. I will definitely be keeping my eye out for her!
Most my friends won't be in the area, but the more eyes, the better.
I've put both of them on a prayer list, since I'm in the East and have no other way to help. She may be mature, but that doesn't change the fact that girls that age are an easy target for scumbags.
Exactly. It's frightening.
I'll keep my eyes open too. The more the better.
I linked her post to some Milwaukee communities. Most people here have Illinois connections of some kind.
Also, screw all the "calm down" bitchmuffins lurking over there. Rawr.
Seriously. If it were either of my daughters at 16 I would be completely freaked.
That is SO scary! I remember when our 15 year old (my step daughter) didn't come home one night. At the time her dad was living across town from me and I got the call before I was going into work. We were worried sick...
2010-09-09 12:23 am (UTC)
Re: Oh my gosh...
It's very scary. My heart goes out to them.