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The philosophy of an unmade bed [Feb. 28th, 2012|08:10 am]

Every "clean up your home" book tells you to make your bed every day as soon as you get up. And it's good advice: you psychologically establish a mentality of first-thing success before moving on with the day.

Which is great. Except that I am almost always out of bed a minimum of an hour before Ferrett, and usually working out when he does get out of bed. So my mindset is definitely out of the bedroom and on to other things by the time the bed is available for making.

And we have the further problem that after I get out of bed, he grabs all the pillows and makes himself a nest of tangled blankets such that I occasionally look to see if he's laying eggs. Actually remaking the bed every morning would mean tearing everything off of it to put it all back on. Plus, he hates the topsheet and sleeps with an extra blanket, whereas I have to have the topsheet and often have a blanket only over my torso, so it's almost like we have two separate sets of covers.

While he's gone this week, it's easy for me to slip into my side of the bed then slip back out again and pull the covers up behind me--after all, I'm not trekking across the giant bed to snuggle up with my honey, so my own bed habits are even quieter than usual. His extra blanket is folded in half on his side of the bed, under the duvet. All very neat and easy.

When he gets back, I will have to make more effort to keep the bed made. But I'd rather have his cuddles and a tangle of blankets than all the neatness of a too-quiet house. Maybe the bed won't get made. But cuddles matter even more.

Crossposting from Dreamwidth now. Sigh. If LJ won't let you comment, you can comment here: http://zoethe.dreamwidth.org/792634.html?mode=reply:

[User Picture]From: aiela
2012-02-28 02:00 pm (UTC)
I'm up at least three hours before Dave. I've given up on ever having a made bed, and really, I think it's not too hard to find another thing to focus on as "My Day Has Started." I know that for those who follow FLylady, there's a thing about "If you keep your sink empty and clean at all times, it will mentally keep you picking up around it, and then cleanliness follows" and I think it does work - but for some people who always manage to do their dishes (it's a rare night around our house that the dishes aren't in the dishwasher and running by 7pm) people have said they've found a replacement "shiny sink" for themselves - keeping their home office desk clean, etc.

So I think for those who aren't able to do the bed thing (I think it's really aimed at SAHM's who get out of bed after their husbands, or at least get up with them in the morning) there should be some other way of "My day has started" trigger. Not that I really know what that is, since most mornings I'm just happy if I can get out the door on time and remember to brush my hair.
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[User Picture]From: naath
2012-02-28 02:24 pm (UTC)
My mornings consist of getting out of bed, rushing to dress and assemble lunch, and leaving the house... I figure the allure of a comfy, messy, bed isn't going to have much chance to suck me in in the 30mins I'm awake at home. I think for me leaving the house is a fine "my day has started" trigger. Obviously if I didn't have to leave the house every morning then I would need a different one.
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[User Picture]From: jmfunnyface
2012-02-28 02:01 pm (UTC)
I recently learned that my boyfriend's mother makes her half of the bed each morning while her husband is still asleep on his side. The mental image of that kills me.
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[User Picture]From: fallconsmate
2012-02-28 03:19 pm (UTC)
i do that. seriously. i have a "princess and the pea" issue, and it literally HURTS if the fitted sheet wrinkles under me. so its up to straighten the sheet some mornings, then back to bed.

and when he's away on business, i sleep on my side of the bed and his side goes absolutely undisturbed, and i miss him making wrinkles in the bottom sheet. :)
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[User Picture]From: ba1126
2012-02-28 02:10 pm (UTC)
I'll take cuddles over a made bed any day!!
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[User Picture]From: catvalente
2012-02-28 03:06 pm (UTC)
Surely the solution is that Ferrett makes the bed. Up last makes the bed.
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[User Picture]From: k425
2012-02-28 03:31 pm (UTC)
This, absolutely.
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[User Picture]From: p_m_cryan
2012-02-28 03:44 pm (UTC)
And we have the further problem that after I get out of bed, he grabs all the pillows and makes himself a nest of tangled blankets such that I occasionally look to see if he's laying eggs.

Heh!!! Same thing in our house.
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[User Picture]From: aiela
2012-02-28 04:20 pm (UTC)
Mine, too. By the time I get back upstairs from the shower, my pillows have been assimilated into his pile.
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[User Picture]From: mariadkins
2012-02-28 05:00 pm (UTC)
Good friends of ours sleep with separate sheets and blankets - when she gets up in the morning, she just throws a comforter over the entire thing and goes on.

I used to be afraid of the "Bed Police", now I don't really care. I know at some point I'm going to go in there and nap through the day - even though I do outside the covers with a blanket - and the bed is going to get all wrinkled again anyway.

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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-02-28 08:39 pm (UTC)
I tend to be less careful about putting other things away if the bed is unmade, so I do find there is a benefit.
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[User Picture]From: roaming
2012-02-28 09:34 pm (UTC)
We never make the bed, except when company is coming and I might want to show off something I've just done in the bedroom. (Like laid golden eggs.) Otherwise it's easier to get on with the day in the rooms I'm going to be spending it in (NOT the bedroom, alas), and then just collapse at night into the place I left that morning all ready for my imprint. Hand in glove.
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[User Picture]From: trillian42
2012-02-29 01:18 am (UTC)

Brain dead, may elaborate later. Love that community.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-02-29 03:56 pm (UTC)
Interesting site. Thanks!
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[User Picture]From: noevilliveon
2012-02-29 03:36 am (UTC)
I gave up on ever making the bed a long time ago. King size bed + three adults + none of us like top sheets + each of us uses a different blanket/pillow set up = oh SCREW it.

There is no cohesive top sheet, and 7 blankets and 13 pillows divided into three separate slots on my bed, which get disturbingly tangled if all three of us sleep at the same time. YOU try figuring out how to "make" that...>.<

And now that we've added the complication of 1 person working nights, one person working a slightly late day shift, and one person disabled and sleeping whenever the meds take over.... Yeeeah.. We do have overlapping sleep time with the three of us almost every day, but it's usually only for about two hours.
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From: serakit
2012-02-29 06:26 pm (UTC)
My boyfriend and I have concluded that if we ever live together we'll need separate bedrooms, partially for this reason. I'm of the "completely destroy the bed at night and then make it when I get up" school. He doesn't make it, but he gets under the covers and sleeps very *still*, which means it doesn't get all that mucked up in the first place. He also sleeps later than I do, which means that when I stay at his house, the bed ends up a tangled mess that we're sorting out every night before we go to sleep.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-03-01 12:16 am (UTC)
I sleep differently when Ferrett is gone. I am quite still, and 3/4 of the kingsize bed are wasted on me!
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[User Picture]From: ccr1138
2012-03-02 05:41 pm (UTC)
He who gets up last should make the bed. [quirking eyebrow at the pillow-mangler]
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-03-02 06:59 pm (UTC)
He who gets up last doesn't care in the slightest about the bed's condition and in fact regards me as an over-the-top neat freak. Not gonna get any traction with that argument.
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[User Picture]From: atdt1991
2012-03-06 02:49 pm (UTC)
The wife brought this up in conversation, so I'm here to contribute to these here fancy El Jays!

I am the one who makes the bed in our house most of the time, even though I am the messier of the two of us (in most cases). However, rather than making it in the morning, I make it at night before we come to bed or I make it when company is coming. No military corners or tucking (tall guy doesn't like tucked sheets), but flat and clean. When I make it at night, it's a sign of affection for her - she fell asleep on the couch waiting for my late-night ass to get tired cause she wants to go to bed with me, so I hop in and make the bed before waking her up.

Our house is generally in a state that is not 'ideal' for either of us - both of us have to work with each other to A) do a little more work than we'd do otherwise or B) do a little more accepting of clutter than we'd do otherwise.

That seems like a pretty normal situation, to me. I'm pretty sure my wife would, how say, lose her shit entirely if I told her that keeping my shirts tossed about the livingroom at all times and my hair in the sink was an important part of my life.

In our case, I know it is an important part of her psychological stability that I contribute to our home relationship by putting effort into our daily maintenance. And that means more to me than living like a bachelor.

(The usual note that I'm just sharing our situation, not judging or implying what you should do).
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-03-06 05:59 pm (UTC)
That's pretty much where Ferrett is. He was of the "shirts around the living room" lifestyle before we married. And I try not to get irked when he unbuttons his pants and steps out of them in the living room and leaves them until morning. We all do compromise.
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