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The anatomy of dinner decisions - The Fucking Bluebird of Goddamn Happiness [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Zoethe

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The anatomy of dinner decisions [Feb. 29th, 2012|08:16 pm]
Zoethe
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The 5-year-old who lives in my head: WAAAAH! You didn't feed me ALL DAY!!! I'm starving!!

Me: I'm sorry. This day didn't go anything like it was supposed to. Let's make dinner now.

5yo: WAAAAH!!!! I'm too hungry for cooking!! Let's eat the leftover Girl Scout cookies!

Me: You know that isn't going to happen. Let's see what we have in the fridge.

5yo:There's heavy cream, and butter, and a great Amish raw milk cheese. Let's make cheese sauce!

Me: And put it over...what?

5yo: What do you mean?

Me: It's sauce. It has to go over something.

5yo: I'm not getting you.

Me: Are you suggesting that we just eat cheese sauce all by itself out of the pot?!

5yo:Oh my god, if you're gonna be that way about it, just make it thinner and call it soup!

Me: ...

5yo: Oh, fine! What's your idea?

Me: We have all these wonderful greens that we got at the market the other day....

5yo: Salad?! You can't be serious! I'm hungry!!!

Me: Well, I can saute up some onions and red bell peppers and mushrooms.

5yo: MEAT!!!

Me: Okay, and some grilled steak sliced thin. Oh, and I have some avocado.

5yo: A WHOLE red pepper! A WHOLE avocado!!

Me: That's a lot of--

5yo: Whole! Whole whole WHOLE!!!!

And that is why I am currently eating a salad the size of my head. It's actually very tasty, and the 5-year-old is quieting down.

And it's certainly healthier than a pot of cheese sauce.

Crossposting from Dreamwidth now. Sigh. If LJ won't let you comment, you can comment here: http://zoethe.dreamwidth.org/792994.html?mode=reply:
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Comments:
From: simulated_knave
2012-03-01 01:22 am (UTC)
A whole pot of cheese sauce would be barbaric. You should put some bacon in it. That'd make it better.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-03-01 01:36 am (UTC)
Of course! What was I thinking!
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[User Picture]From: p_m_cryan
2012-03-01 01:26 am (UTC)
Heh. I read this after I just read all the archives for Hyperbole and a Half, so now I am seeing a cartoon 5yo zoethe drawn Allie-style.

Edited at 2012-03-01 01:26 am (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-03-01 01:37 am (UTC)
That would be awesome.
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[User Picture]From: hugh_mannity
2012-03-01 01:33 am (UTC)
Your inner 5yo and my inner 5yo should never be allowed to meet. Terrible, terrible, apocalyptic things would happen.

(I was HUNGRY on the way home from work, to quiet the 5yo's demand for instant dinner I bought a store-roasted chicken then made a huge salad to go with it.)
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-03-01 01:38 am (UTC)
That's a pretty good dinner, really.
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[User Picture]From: hugh_mannity
2012-03-01 01:55 am (UTC)
Why so much carb?
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[User Picture]From: idic_writer
2012-03-01 01:49 am (UTC)

You're funny. ;)

But I have one in my head too!
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-03-01 02:26 am (UTC)

Re: You're funny. ;)

I think we all do, really.
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[User Picture]From: jeffpalmatier
2012-03-01 01:54 am (UTC)
Lately I've been eating a lot of ranch salads topped with grilled chicken from McDonalds. For a long time I resisted this choice because I was afraid that it wouldn't fill me up but they do, plus I get my veggies.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-03-01 02:29 am (UTC)
Salad is surprisingly filling.
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[User Picture]From: delosd
2012-03-01 02:13 am (UTC)
MEAT!!!

I know that voice. ;)
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-03-01 02:31 am (UTC)
Insatiable, isn't it? ;-)
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[User Picture]From: cosmicbandit
2012-03-01 02:35 am (UTC)
I have an inner two year old, she stamps her feet and doesn't want to go to work. I also have an inner 13 year old boy who appreciates crass jokes and sniggers whenever I pass a Bimart.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-03-01 02:42 am (UTC)
You 13-year-old could snigger with mine every time we pass the warehouse store west of town.

It's called BJ's.

I shit you not.
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[User Picture]From: celticdragonfly
2012-03-01 02:44 am (UTC)
Ooooh cheese sauce. When in doubt, get some nice french bread and cut it up in rectangles, and some raw veggies - broccoli and cauliflower are ideal. Then you call the cheese sauce "fondue" and dip them into it and eat it. Fantastic comfort food for me...
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-03-01 12:03 pm (UTC)
Not a bad idea, but the inner 5-year-old just wanted a spoon!
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[User Picture]From: gabyrippling
2012-03-01 04:08 am (UTC)
As a law student, I'm generally too tired to fight my inner 5 year old. So this conversation in my head ends at "Let's eat the leftover Girl Scout cookies!"

These three boxes probably won't make it past the weekend, if they even make it to it.
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From: simulated_knave
2012-03-01 05:20 am (UTC)
And why worry? After all, if you run out of cookies, you can just get takeout!

Law school will kill me. Somehow. It's inevitable.
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From: anonymousalex
2012-03-01 04:11 am (UTC)
Now I want some thin mints. Alas, I have already brushed my teeth tonight, so they'll have to stay safely in their box until next time.

-Alex
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-03-01 12:10 pm (UTC)
That's very disciplined of you. Bravo!
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[User Picture]From: pachamama
2012-03-01 05:08 am (UTC)
This had me laughing aloud in recognition.
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[User Picture]From: alexmegami
2012-03-01 06:04 am (UTC)
Yeah, my inner five-year-old mostly stops at "there's NOTHING I WANNA EEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAT HERE".
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-03-01 12:12 pm (UTC)
Fortunately I went shopping, so there is food in the house.
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[User Picture]From: becca_maru
2012-03-01 08:39 am (UTC)
LOL! I have these arguments on a frequent basis.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-03-01 12:23 pm (UTC)
It's particularly bad for me on a day like yesterday when circumstances prevented me from getting anything to eat until late. But yes, that 5-year-old is definitely there regularly.
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[User Picture]From: naath
2012-03-02 11:43 am (UTC)
Yesterday I ate a whole (big) bag of dried figs because my inner 5yo wouldn't let me stop... curiously she isn't very interesting in meat.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2012-03-02 02:17 pm (UTC)
Mine wanted Cheetos last night, but I sent her to bed instead.
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