?

Log in

No account? Create an account
CureSearch - The Fucking Bluebird of Goddamn Happiness [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Zoethe

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

CureSearch [Sep. 3rd, 2014|11:17 am]
Zoethe
I would like to say that I have mixed feelings about raising money for CureSearch this year. But my feelings are not mixed. I am angry. Irrationally, ridiculously angry. Because, despite all the fore-brain logic in the world that knows that the fundraising we did last year was not directly for Rebecca, there's a part of me that is still screaming, "But we did all the right things! We raised money! We all prayed! We all pitched in to help the family through treatment! We were good and kind and loving! We cared more than anyone else has ever cared!"

And it didn't matter. Rebecca died.

If caring and praying were enough, Rebecca would still be alive. If caring and praying were enough, almost everyone would survive cancer. But they aren't enough. Better treatments are what's needed. Better treatments require research. Research requires money.

Part of me wants to just walk away from this, because every time I have to write about it just brings all the pain back to the surface: the sharp, immediate pain instead of the continual throbbing ache that is forever in my heart. It leaves me torn up for the rest of the day, in tears.

But I remind myself that there are other families out there at risk of feeling what we are feeling. That they *do* pray as hard as we prayed, care as much as we care. And I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

Wishing isn't enough. We learned that. We are left with only one practical option: raise money for research. Please give what you can, and join us on the walk if you are able. We will be wearing purple again, in memory of our special girl.
http://www.curesearchwalk.org/neohio/gini_judd
LinkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: mplsindygirl
2014-09-03 09:44 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry. I'll see what I can send. I've been dealing with the ALS ice bucket challenge - both my mother and a friend's mother died from it the same year. After 7 years, I can say I am at a point of mixed feelings about that loss and fundraising for others with the disease. But my mom was an adult, a generation older than I am. Not a child. I can't even imagine.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2014-09-08 02:41 pm (UTC)
Ferrett's stepdad died of ALS. Horrible disease. I'm glad the ice bucket challenge has been so successful.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: ratfan
2014-09-04 02:52 am (UTC)
I'll give what I can. Can't imagine what it's like. i've had a good friend die from a brain tumour. He was 40 years old, which wasn't anything like enough. Praying doesn't help. Science might.

On a more cheerful note; I really like your icon. Tea is the universal cure.

Alex
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2014-09-08 02:40 pm (UTC)
Thanks--I love the tea icon.

I wish it helped a bit more....
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: the_siobhan
2014-09-07 04:52 pm (UTC)
I felt the same way about the walk my family organized for the Liver Foundation. I had the advantage that they held it on the anniversary of my sister's death, so it did provide a welcome distraction.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: zoethe
2014-09-08 02:41 pm (UTC)
That's hard, but at least something.....
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: pachamama
2014-09-23 12:40 pm (UTC)
Just made my donation. I'm thinking of you in this difficult time. xo
(Reply) (Thread)