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Coming back to Grace [Jul. 16th, 2015|02:15 pm]
(Cross-posted from Living Graciously)

This blog has been, to put it mildly, ignored of late.

That kind of fits in with the rest of my life. It's been a year and a month since Rebecca died, and eight months since my mother died. It was a year of upheaval before that. And all of it has led to a kind of retreat into myself. Depression, yes, but more closer to hibernation.

I am ready to fight my way back out of that. I'm discovering new tools for doing so.

For a while I thought I might just give up on blogging altogether. Ironically, it is Facebook--that death of LiveJournal--that has brought me back to it. Just before the anniversary of Rebecca's death, I activated the "On This Day" feature on Facebook. And yes, there were some very painful memories. But there have also been good memories, and reminders of things that made me smile or laugh of think.

And comments from my mother. The first time I ran into one it took the legs out from under me. But after that I've been grateful that I am left with her voice, in words, on my page.

Grateful, gracious, they are words that come back to grace. Grace as in recognizing the blessings that I have, even when there are bad days, and sad days. Grace in remembering that I got through some hard things, and in being inspired by triumphs and by love.

I don't want those memories to stop in 2013 or 2014, both of which were very hard years. I want them to go forward, and find the quiet blessings in the years to come. And for that, I need to put the words on the page.

[User Picture]From: ba1126
2015-07-16 06:59 pm (UTC)
It's so nice to see your words on my page again! I'm glad you feel able to write again. You remain in my prayers.

I seem to remember that you were into gardening and sewing some time back. Are you still doing that? My Hubby does some gardening (I have a 'black thumb!) and specifically, has a beautiful display of lilies; big golden trumpets, pale delicate purple, red with orange 'throats' and delicate pink and pale yellow!

You were also into sewing, I think, or was it quilting? Do you still do that? I used to sew when my kids were young (and at home), but I've not done any for quite a while.

Hope to 'see you ' more often!
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2015-07-16 07:47 pm (UTC)
Gardening is still a work in progress (that's the nice way of saying I've failed entirely!) Quilting is coming along, though!
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[User Picture]From: mplsindygirl
2015-07-16 07:34 pm (UTC)
I am glad to read this. It sounds like the beginnings of healing your heart.
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[User Picture]From: redstapler
2015-07-16 08:38 pm (UTC)
It is definitely a coming out of hibernation.

I waver on whether or not I'm relieved my mother never got a Facebook. The Right Wing Parent and Snopes-worthy nonsense would have been awful, but the likes and comments on photos would have been lovely.

I hope you reach an equilibrium soon. <3
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[User Picture]From: unmutual
2015-07-17 01:46 am (UTC)
I'm glad you're working your way back up. :)
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[User Picture]From: jesskastar
2015-07-17 02:29 am (UTC)
So beautifully said.
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[User Picture]From: blessed_oak
2015-07-17 03:06 am (UTC)
It's good to see you again.
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From: anonymousalex
2015-07-17 05:37 am (UTC)
I'm sure I'm not the only one who's grateful to see you here again. In general, and in particular grateful that you've pushed that last post down a notch; I was infuriated anew every time I checked in :-)

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