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The kitchen is reopening - The Fucking Bluebird of Goddamn Happiness [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Zoethe

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The kitchen is reopening [Aug. 20th, 2015|03:58 pm]
Zoethe
There's bread rising on my counter.

For those who know me, this used to be a common, multiple-times-a-week occurrence. I baked bread as regularly as breathing.

That all stopped a couple years ago. I honestly can't remember when I last baked bread. A lot of things about my life kind of came to a halt in the last couple years. I shut down to minimum life support. I bathed, I read, I kept up on clients, and barely spoke to people.

But in the last month or so, I've felt like I'm slowly, slowly waking up. I'm working like someone who likes her job, I'm getting exercise, I'm keeping up the house the way I like it kept up.

And I'm starting to cook again. For a while there we were eating out a lot, bringing in a lot of takeout. Now, in the last couple days, I've actually felt like cooking for the first time in a long time. And yesterday I felt the need to revive my pour sourdough, to see whether Shelob had survived my neglect.

She had. So today I am baking a loaf of the bread that was the staple of my baking, the bread I can bake without pulling out a recipe, with a minimum of measuring. I am definitely rusty, but it's rising.

I can't say for certain that this will become the regular occurrence it was before. After so long of being so subfunctional I'm finding it hard to trust that this new energy of mine will last. I'm still not all the way back--my tolerance of crowds is low, and even the company of my dearest friends is something I can only take in small doses. Some days being responsible and working just feel like they're going to kill me, like I can't possibly do it another day. I worry that I'll fall back into that morass.

But not today. Today I'm baking bread.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: greybeta
2015-08-20 08:24 pm (UTC)
What I find odd about cooking, Mrs. Ferrett, is that somehow it's easier to cook for two than it is to cook for one. Something about proportions and how you buy them from the grocery store. I think there's a hint about life in that sage fact.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2015-08-20 08:29 pm (UTC)
And easier still to cook for four.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2015-08-20 10:16 pm (UTC)
I'm pretty good at that. At least Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner has everything hitting the table at the same time.
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[User Picture]From: ba1126
2015-08-20 08:42 pm (UTC)
glad you are having a good day. I wish you many more.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2015-08-20 10:16 pm (UTC)
Thank you.
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[User Picture]From: sylphon
2015-08-20 08:54 pm (UTC)
Starters are amazing. They will outlast us all :-)
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2015-08-20 10:17 pm (UTC)
It's a little sleepy, but the flavor is awesome.
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[User Picture]From: ckd
2015-08-20 10:30 pm (UTC)
Hugs and good wishes. May your spirits and energy rise like good dough.
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[User Picture]From: mermaidnchains
2015-08-21 03:01 am (UTC)
I loved reading this! <3
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[User Picture]From: wilhelmina_d
2015-08-21 03:07 am (UTC)
Congratulations on baking. It's good to hear that you're feeling better. Even if the energy doesn't last, and I certainly hope it does, at least you've enjoyed some breathing and stretching and being awake.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2015-08-21 06:18 pm (UTC)
I'm trying to be sanguine about it.
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From: anonymousalex
2015-08-21 05:37 pm (UTC)
This warms my heart. I only wish I could taste the bread, too.

-Alex
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2015-08-21 06:18 pm (UTC)
Drop by any time!
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From: anonymousalex
2015-08-21 09:46 pm (UTC)
Next time I'm in Cleveland . . . in the meantime, I'll just have to live vicariously.

-Alex
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[User Picture]From: alexmegami
2015-08-21 08:40 pm (UTC)
Mmmmm, bread. I've never quite gotten the hang of really good bread.

Glad today (or, I guess, yesterday) is a good day.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2015-08-21 08:58 pm (UTC)
Today is a good day, too. For one thing, bread!
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From: serakit
2015-08-22 01:33 pm (UTC)
Baking bread is fun! I mostly end up baking brownies and biscuits, though-- I need a recipe for yeastless bread that still works like regular bread. (Hooray for weird food allergies.)
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[User Picture]From: dabble
2015-08-25 09:30 am (UTC)
This makes me happy. I know I am truly flattened by life when I can't even assemble toast, but still manage to shovel rubbish in my cake hole.
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[User Picture]From: zoethe
2015-08-25 01:17 pm (UTC)
That's so darned true....
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